fossilised | For Steve

[He does notice Bucky's care, and given what Steve knows from Bucky's file, well... it's not all that surprising. Saddening, but not surprising. He doesn't comment.

Besides, he's too busy being deeply impressed when they end up exactly in front of Steve's work and he gives a low whistle and a soft applause.]

I absolutely will. And I will make you as many pancakes as we've got ingredients for.

Do you even know how to make pancakes without a mix, Rogers?

[He shot the question at him with a sardonic sort of half smile. It was nice, this teasing, weirdly comfortable as if he already knew what he could get away with. If Sam or Becca could see him now, making new friends and being out and about, they'd probably throw some sort of parade in Steve's honour.

Not that Bucky wouldn't attend a parade in Steve's honour, he could make a whole float dedicated to the way that ass looks in tight pants.]

So, what made you decide to run Emotional Care-bears and Rainbows, or whatever the hell that group was called? Not what I'd expect from someone who works at Parks and Rec, and can't even make pancakes.

[Steve is pretty good at forming connections with people. He sees a lot of good in the world, and while he would never contribute it to an easygoing nature and natural charisma that's pretty much what it is. Unfortunately, being such a boyscout means that if someone doesn't like him, chances are they want to punch him. Steve doesn't really inspire neutral feelings.

It still feels different with Bucky, though. Like he finally gets the whole 'namaste' thing from yoga - the 'my soul recognizes your soul'.

Like a missing piece in his life all this time was Bucky and now he's here and things feel more complete.]

Okay first off obviously you're going to tell me how to make the pancakes and I am a fast learner and practice makes perfect, so that's two birds with one stone there. As for my volunteer work - ah, the center works closely with the vet center, so. Um, I'm from a career military family on both sides. I couldn't enlist though, so... I don't know. I want to do something? Honestly I think I'm happier doing this, too. Working with people directly. I don't really take orders well, so being denied enlistment was probably a blessing and just saved me from an inevitable court martial.

[Steve was from a military family? He couldn't help but feel a slight itch of discomfort, a cold worm of concern that Steve's friendliness was only because of his desire to do something to help a veteran. If he was that keen to do something, in his words, then maybe this is just some misplaced pity.

Damn it, of course it is.

Stupid, Bucky. Stupid. He should have realised what this was from the beginning, he was usually good about figuring out who was pitying him and shutting it down. Just because he's been blinded by a gorgeous face and a smile that makes him want to grin right back, that's no excuse to get sloppy.]

Yeah, sure.

[He snorts, but it sounds hollow and weird to his own ears. The easy camaraderie has disappeared like smoke in the wind.]

I can see why the army would refuse to take someone like you, they always hate people in good shape with excellent muscles.

[He said the wrong thing again, and Steve is silent for a moment as he tries to mentally backtrack, to figure out what he said and what he can do to make it right again.

Steve always defaults to honesty. Might as well answer Bucky's questions until he can figure it out.]

And asthma, and household exposure to tuberculosis, heart troubles, and a host of other health issues that as long as I stay medicated and in shape aren't much issue. I was also 90 pounds soaking wet on my best day before college - thyroid issue that was undiagnosed until it almost killed me.

[He hesitates for a moment, unsure if he should add the next part or not, if it would weird Bucky out or not. Shit, man. Just overshare, why not, right?]

Also the whole attraction to men thing was kind of a big no until very recently, last I heard.

[Wow. Great job there, Barnes. Truly excellent work.

His Ma, God rest her soul, would probably kick him in the pants for being such an insensitive jerk. This was why he had always been taught not to judge what's on the outside, because you never knew what another person had to live with. Asthma was bad enough, but thyroid issues and even heart problems... Jesus, it was even more impressive that he was in the shape that he was in and still going.]

Sorry.

[It was muttered out before the rest of that caught up with him. Gay. Rogers was gay. Why did he have to say that? Before, Bucky had been able to tell himself that the reason he stood no chance and shouldn't go for it was because the guy was straight, now that had just been blasted into smithereens. And, even worse, right as Bucky managed to make himself seem like a total asshole.]

You must think I'm a world class jerk. I shouldn't have said anything.

It's okay.

[Steve's quiet tone is gentle, sincere. Sometimes embarrassing honesty is all he's got. Most of the time, he thinks.]

I know I don't exactly look it. I usually don't talk about it either. I'm not embarrassed or anything, it is what it is, but I know it's one of those things that ... people don't really know what to do with the information, you know? But, ah ... when I stick my foot in my mouth next time, can you tell me what I did wrong instead of freezing me out?

[Oh great, so now he was even being called out for noticing that Steve probably only wanted to spend time with him out of pity. Well, fine. He could do awkward honesty, if that's what Steve wanted.]

You said you just wanted to do something to help veterans, I'm the only one in your art class, suddenly makes sense why you're being so friendly. It's fine, whatever, but I'm nobody's charity case.

[He managed to keep his voice light rather than angry, because Steve was a good guy and he probably thought he was doing a nice thing.]

Come on, I'll show you the way back so you definitely got the route, and then I'll go home. No pancakes required.

[Bucky may be good at holding back his anger from his voice, but Steve isn't. He's never been good at holding back his temper. It's gotta get out somewhere, even if it's just a little spike of wounded pride. So he stops where he's standing to give Bucky a stern look.]

Okay, first off - it's called empathy. You aren't a charity case, I've never pitied anyone in my life. Don't insult me.

[After that he manages to reign it in. Yes, he's angry that apparently that's what Bucky thought his motives were, but... but maybe people have done that with him before. Maybe he has reason to assume that's the motivation. Don't be an asshole, Steve. You know for a fact everyone has their own struggles, their own battles in their day to day life that no one else knows anything about. Deep breath, exhale, back to calm.]

... Just because you're the only vet in this class doesn't mean you're the only one I've ever dealt with. In the class before the one you're in there were three, and on the class on another day of the week it's all vets aside from one other person. Sure it's what prompted me to volunteer at the center but it's not the only thing that motivates every single aspect of my life. Aside from my friends group from college I haven't invited anyone else home to make dinner for them before, veterans or not.

[He's not expecting that.

Steve has been so gentle and kind so far, that this first glimpse of a temper takes him by surprise, but not in a bad way. It's amazing, he's sticking up for himself with no trace of guilt or shame, and he's quite easily putting Bucky back into his place without being a douche about it. Is there anything about this guy that isn't amazing?

His cheeks are on fire from shame by the time Steve stops, but he forces himself to look up and meet Steve's eyes. He's not a coward either, he's not going to run from having done something wrong.]

I'm sorry.

[Again.]

I shouldn't have judged you by some assholes I've met before. [He really has blown any chance of taking this guy out sometime, but maybe he can salvage at least a cordial neighbour sort of thing.] Will you let me start over? I swear I make a better impression than this most of the time.

[He grins, a wry twist of his lips that's still slightly apologetic, as he holds out the only hand that ever moves from his jeans pocket.]

Hi, I'm Bucky Barnes, you might know me as the jerk who can't draw boats and is slightly too into his pancakes, nice to meet you.

[Steve gives a small exhale of relief. He was so worried, too, under the indignation there. He wants to be at least friends with Bucky. He didn't want that to be ruined... and it hasn't been. Honesty, again, worked out. No matter what Natasha says about it, this is why Steve always falls back on it. Trust and faith in others is so rewarding when it's rewarded, it makes all the times where it doesn't work out totally worth it.

Steve smiles and shakes Bucky's offered hand.]

Hi, I'm Steve Rogers, artist, paper pusher, chronic meddler and more often than not entirely too honest. Glad to be your neighbor. Wanna get back and get to those pancakes?

[That smile still does weird things to his stomach, but he ignores it. Clearly it's just because he's relieved that he doesn't appear to have ruined this despite giving it his best efforts.]

Sure, we've said pancakes so many times now that I'm getting real hungry.

[He turns back towards the apartment building.]

Okay, what do you not have? We need eggs, flour, milk, salt, sugar, and syrup. Maybe bananas and ice cream.

I bought eggs, milk, salt and a lot of sugar earlier. Some bananas too, but we might need more depending on how much you prefer.

[Miscommunication dealt with, Steve falls in step beside Bucky again.]

Okay, so just flour, syrup, and maybe a couple of bananas.

[He glances sideways at Steve.]

Why don't you head back, see if you can remember the route, and I'll go pick up the ingredients?

[Steve laughs.]

You're just trying to get rid of me, aren't you? [It's a joke.]

Okay, you got a phone number though so I can call if I get hopelessly lost?

You caught me, I can't be seen with a government worker, I have a reputation to protect.

[He smiles, easy and teasing. It's good, he can go himself and then Steve won't see him if he embarrasses himself by freaking out in the store.]

Here, hand me your phone, I'll put it in.

[He doesn't know quite what possesses him, but if Steve hands his phone over then Bucky puts his number in next to the name "Buck Me" as a joke.]

I knew it. Well, I won't mess up your reputation.

[Of course Steve hands his phone over. His contact list is a limited one and he rarely has silly names.

Of course, he did just have that text conversation with Nat still loaded, probably.]

[Of course Bucky saw the text already open, but he wasn't a complete jackass so as soon as he saw it was from someone else he closed it out. Okay so maybe he caught the words 'hot' and 'protection' first. Handing the phone back, he waved a hand casually and wandered off towards the store.

Not that Steve would be left alone for long, his phone ringing after only a moment with Natasha's number. Yes, she was spying on him. She might be a ballerina but she was also a terrifying ballerina who was bored and out of her apartment until the smell of dog puke went away.]

He's cute. [She jumps right into it when he answers, not even slightly ashamed of spying.] And he obviously thinks you're hot, so you should definitely ask him out.

[barely more than a block away, he pulls his phone back up and answers it.

And, you know, almost chokes with Natasha's greeting.]

Nat!

[Steve sputtered briefly and stopped in place, looking around for any sign of her.]

Are you following us?

[She's inside one of the nearby shops, peering out through the window, but she doesn't make any move to show herself if he can't notice her alone.]

Of course.

[The grin is evident in her voice.]

We care about you, Steve, it's been too long since you had a date. We wanted to make sure you weren't screwing it up, and that Mr. Hot Vet With The Long Hair was good enough for you.

[Damn it, Nat.]

His name is Bucky. He lives in the apartment above me, and I'd rather focus on being friends. I don't want to... scare him off. Him being nice doesn't mean he's interested.

[Nevermind that there was Phil who was utterly in love with Steve from Freshmen year to Senior year who Steve literally never noticed. He's really good at reading body language and the whole emotional knowledge thing except when it comes to people having feelings for him. He keeps attributing it to him feeling overly hopeful and seeing things where they clearly aren't.]

Boring.

[She scoffs, finally meandering out of her hiding place and hanging up the phone so that she can wander alongside him. Her gaze up to him is both fond and exasperated, she loves him but he's so clueless.]

What was the last date you went on? How long has it been since you've had sex? It's not healthy, Steve, I'm just looking out for you.

[Steve hangs up too when Natasha does, giving her an exasperated look of his own.]

It's not important when I last had a relationship or the rest.

[Years. It's been years.]

He could be straight. Statistically, he is probably straight.

He's not straight.

[She says it with total conviction even though she's never met him, never even spoken to him.]

The way he looked at you is not the way a straight man looks at another straight man, he might as well have been one of those cartoon dogs with the popping eyes and wagging tongue.

[Steve still has a hard time believing that Bucky could be attracted to him, but Natasha has pretty much never been wrong before... she's got a good eye about people that way. And she absolutely wouldn't steer Steve wrong as part of a prank, he trusts her implicitly.]

I... I don't know how to even begin to flirt with him. We're making pancakes when we get back.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

sorry for the delay!

no worries! I'm on the tail end of a vacation myself