fossilised | For Steve

[Is Bucky - is Bucky actually blushing? Steve is pretty sure he never made anyone blush before in his life. It sends a thrilling surge of accomplishment through him, the satisfaction of doing something Good.

Because if it's helping Bucky see how damn attractive he counts it as doing Good.]

Is it really flattery if it's the truth?

[He can't help but look for any guile in Steve's expression but there isn't any there. It's sort of amazing to contemplate the possibility that this gorgeous, sweet, nice guy actually sees him like that.]

Then-- uh, can I just say... never get your eyes tested, I like what you see right now, even if it's not rooted in reality.

I guess I'll just have to keep drawing you until you realize it is.

[He's pleased, and it shows.]

Give me a second, I'm going to get the fixative on this so it doesn't smear. Thank you for modeling for me by the way.

[Fixative in this case being opening a window and spraying the image with hairspray - it works basically as good as real graphite fixative except you can buy it at the dollar store.]

[Bucky knows next to nothing about art and he hadn't even realised that pencil drawings needed to be sealed, so he watches what Steve's doing with interest and some mild bemusement.]

Any time.

[It's warm and genuine.]

I had a lot of fun, I hope we can have a lot of fun for a while. You're-- you're a good guy, Steve.

I try. I'm very trying.

[He adds a wry quirk of a smile to that so Bucky knows it's a joke and not him being genuinely down on himself.

Okay, well, it's also the truth, he can be very trying, but when he is it's about something he's passionate about so he feels approximately zero guilt in regards to it.]

You want another cup of coffee, juice, uh... go for a walk or are you alright with being my model for longer...? I'm realizing the downside about hangout dates is at least after a movie or dinner at a restaurant you have some idea of how long it's going to go, and I guess I can't just talk you into staying indefinitely. Your girl doesn't have her food here if nothing else.

[He loves that Steve has a sharp sense of humour beneath the good boy on the outside, it makes him more interesting and more easy to relate to. God help him for how fast he's falling for this guy.]

Uh-- I guess I should walk her, huh?

[He thinks this is one of the downsides to a service dog. He has a lot of trouble going outside, it fucks his brain up, so they give him a dog that needs daily walking. Sure. Sounds sensible.

Idiots.]

We could go to the park?

[They don't end up at the park that day, a sudden downpour of rain cuts the first date short pretty abruptly and sends them both home for dry clothes. But that doesn't put a dampener on a second date-- or a third, or a fourth, or...

Somehow, three months go by and things haven't imploded, and Bucky has fallen deeper and deeper in love with Steve. It's a dangerous thing, he shouldn't be this head over heels this fast, but he is. He's careful not to let Steve see any of the bad days, he wants so desperately to be a good and normal boyfriend for him.

But that also means they haven't had sex yet.

Bucky's self conscious, still refusing to be without his prosthetic and show Steve his scarred up body; and Steve has the awkward embarrassment of not being that practised at initiating these things. It's left them both with problems more than once, that no amount of cold showers seem to get rid of.

They're getting nearer, getting more serious, and Natasha has finally talked Steve into replacing his crappy twin bed and putting in a full size Queen. It's Halloween and they're all meant to be going to a party at Nat and Clint's, full fancy dress, and she's told Steve that this is the perfect time to invite Bucky to stop over.

It's seven thirty.

Bucky was meant to come by and knock for Steve a half hour ago, but there's no sign of him yet.]

Edited 2017-07-25 17:34 (UTC)

[Steve had worried a little bit, admittedly. Worried that being so smitten so fast would mean this was just infatuation, that it would fade just as quickly, but if anything time has made the bond stronger.

Every chance to see Bucky makes a day a good one. He's trying to show Bucky that he won't run from the bad days, too - it's a careful balance of being respectful of Bucky's needs but also trying to show him that Steve wasn't lying when he said he knew what he was getting into and wasn't afraid.

Back in college he'd read a book about Buddhism for a class and a saying from it stuck with him. Consider the trees which allow the birds to perch and fly away without either inviting them to stay or desiring them never to depart. If your heart can be like this, you will be near to the way. Back in college it had been just another part of another test, but it kept coming to mind more and more with Bucky. To remind himself to just be there.

Steve's own awkwardness and and shyness regarding physical aspects of a relationship had kept him from pushing too much as well. In truth the celibacy was familiar if nothing else and a comfort in that aspect, but after three months with a man whom Steve had been physically attracted to at the start with nothing more than some very intense kissing...

Was three months normal to wait? Was he being needy wanting more after three months? Had he become a slut? (Followed instantly by berating himself because there was nothing wrong with people who valued sexual intimacy)

So, sure. Bigger bed. He argued that it was easier to find space since he was a bigger guy now, not that Natasha's insistence of needing room for a partner was a contributing factor.

So there he was, sitting on the bed, waiting for Bucky. Trying not to worry. He wondered if he should text, call, or just go up. Would that be crossing a line? What if something had happened? What if he wasn't even home? He probably wasn't even home.

Getting up, Steve decided that he would go knock and if he got no answer he'd try calling. It wasn't being needy if you had genuine worry that something had happened, right?

At least that's what he kept telling himself.

Grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone, he headed up to Bucky's apartment and knocked, not allowing himself more time to second guess.

Maybe this was a blow off. Maybe Bucky was done.

Maybe something happened.]

[Bucky had been careful this whole time to not let Steve into his apartment. The longer they were together, the more pathetic the fact that he slept on an inflatable bed and had pretty much no furniture became. So when he heard Steve knock, because of course it was Steve, he doubled down on himself in frustration.

This was all his own fucking fault.

It was meant to be a big step, letting Steve see him without his prosthetic as a surprise part of his costume, but he found he couldn't leave the house and now it's too late. Steve might be able to hear Yasha whining quietly because she knows her charge is distressed.]

Steve, that you?

[He forces himself to shout.]

I, uh-- sorry, I think I ate something bad, I don't know if I can go tonight.

Yeah, it's me.

[In the three months they've been dating he knows the number of people who it could be is a short list indeed, so it's likely an obvious question with an obvious answer. Still, he waits patiently at the door, staring at it as if the plywood and bits of metal could give him the answers, tell him the right thing to say or give him some sudden knowledge of Bucky's state of being.

He could believe the food poisoning if it wasn't for Yasha's soft whining, barely audible.

Does he press? Does he let it be? Consider the trees...]

Oh... I can give Natasha a call, she'll understand. [Steve sounds very sure that she will, anyway.] ... do you want to come over anyway? I can make you some soup, something easy on your stomach. You can just rest while I get some things done, I can be quiet.

[Damn damn and double damn.

He doesn't want to make Steve miss the party, this thing has been hyped up for weeks and he's been dying to see what costume Steve has chosen for himself. Natasha and Clint will be sad if Steve doesn't make it, and all because Bucky's a goddamn idiot.]

Don't do that, you can go, it's--

[He can't do it. He can't lie to Steve, it feels like a betrayal when Steve has never lied to him. There's the sound of a soft thunk as his head falls back against the wall in frustration.]

I'm not sick, I just picked a dumb costume and I don't want you to see it.

[Half true, at least.]

[Steve smiles a little when Bucky tells him that, resting his head against the wall against Bucky's door as well, hand gently pressed against it.

He's alone in the hallway and they've got a wall between them, he's allowed to be a sap.]

Bet mine's dumber.

What is it?

[He's still not making a move to open the door, even though the traitorous Yasha is over scratching at it. She can clearly tell Steve is there and she knows that Steve is the best thing for Bucky's mind on any day.]

Nuh uh, you gotta try to guess first.

[The smile is evident in Steve's voice. He's keeping Bucky talking, that's a success. A little bit at a time. No small amount of flirtation either.

He doesn't think Bucky will ever guess due to the ridiculousness of it.

Steve is a sexy cat. It's part of a long in-joke between him and Nat regarding the over-sexualization of female costumes and how that never applies to men and - look it was hilarious at the time, okay? And it's sort of become Steve's fallback costume.

And maybe he was kind of hoping Bucky would want to see him in the skintight bodysuit. He's not sure if he's disappointed or relieved that all that hyping himself up for it might be for nothing.]

[If Bucky stays in his self imposed lockdown tonight and then finds out that he missed Steve in a skin tight bodysuit as a sexy cat, he will literally throw himself off the roof in despair.

He hasn't gone even slightly the sexy route. He's left his prosthetic off, he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and beach shorts with sandals, and has a surf board. The stump and half the shirt are both drenched in fake blood, and Yasha is dressed as a shark with his prosthetic tied to her "jaws" also covered in fake blood.

The shark attack idea seemed funny at the time, and he stupidly thought that if he hid behind a joke then it would make showing anyone himself without his prosthetic on a less scary thing. More fool him.]

Is it a cowboy? Or Batman?

[Steve will be equally disappointed to find out he missed out on Bucky's costume. It's clearly the perfect blend of funny and sweet and he'll be all the more charmed to see it.]

Oh, those would be good. No, not that. You could argue Batman is a little close? Want to keep guessing or see it yourself?

[Batman is close? Does that mean one of the other Superheroes? Superman, maybe? Or one of the villains? God, he wants to see Steve so much that he's actually considering opening the door, even though just thinking about it kind of makes him feel a bit sick.]

...close your eyes.

[Maybe he can cheat and see Steve without being seen in return.]

... okay.

[He knows a setup when he sees it, but maybe - well, maybe Bucky will feel more inclined to come out when he sees Steve dressed so ridiculously? There's no way Bucky's can be worse than something that is effectively knock-off catwoman.

So Steve steps back from the door, taking a breath and closing his eyes, trying to not overthink about the placement of his hands, the way he holds his weight.]

[For some reason, Bucky never doubts that Steve has done exactly as he said and closed his eyes, even though he has no proof. It's only a few seconds later that the door clicks open and then shut again behind Bucky as he-- well-- stares. There's no other word for it, he's got eyes so wide that he could be a cartoon character.

That's the sexiest thing he's ever seen.

The costume doesn't leave anything to the imagination, and he just wants to be touching that ass or those abs or--]

Jesus.

[It's a breathy sort of sound.]

You look sinful, Steve.

[Steve positively flushes at that, a mixture of embarrassed and pleased. God, he wants to open his eyes, to see how Bucky is dressed, to - to see the way Bucky is looking at him right now.

He said he'd close his eyes though and he's a man of his word. It also kind of makes the next part a little easier, too.]

Um, I, uh. I also wanted to ask, er, invite? Ask? You to ... that is ... I got a new bed. Bigger. [God, he's fidgeting now, but you started this Steve, you finish it.] And I was thinking after the party if you wanted to - we don't have to do anything if you don't want to but ... you were, uh. Welcome ... to ... spendthenight.

[That just wasn't fair.

How could Steve ask him something like that, dressed like that, and expect any blood to remain in Bucky's brain for him to make a sensible decision? Because the sensible decision is no. He's freaking out enough over him dressed without his arm, what would he be like naked? And he knows that nightmares are a real issue. Two good reasons to say no.

But he can't seem to think about anything except Steve and his delicious body and that offer. He has to be quiet for a few seconds and very sternly think about something not sexy before he makes a tent out of his shorts.]

Steve...

[He takes a deep breath. Okay, he can do this. He can do this. He can--]

Open your eyes and see if you still wanna make that offer.

[After all, knowing a man is an amputee and seeing it are different matters, a lot of people get grossed out by the sight of stumps.]

[Steve opens his eyes.

He meets Bucky's first, all sincere and hopeful at the possibility of getting a yes out of Bucky. It gets his attention in bits and pieces, Bucky's costume. Too easy to get lost in his eyes.

Steve takes it in. The lack of his prosthetic and all the fake blood.

He smiles.]

Oh my god, your costume is great! That's so clever!

[Bucky feels something lift off his shoulders when Steve smiles. A piece of him that's been hating what he looks like since he lost the arm finally quietens down, replaced with the blue eyes of a man seeing something he obviously isn't repelled by. It makes Bucky flush and smile in return.]

Really?

[He takes a step forwards, his own pupils blown large and dark in pretty obvious desire.]

It's no-- cat-bat-suit. Goddamn, Steve, you're so gorgeous that I can't even speak properly.

Really.

[And god, the way Bucky is looking at him right now...]

It's this stupid in-joke Nat and I had that - you know? It doesn't even matter.

[Steve's still pretty red, but he's emboldened by these months together. By the way someone as breathtaking and gorgeous as Bucky looks at him. So even though his heart is racing a mile a minute, he reaches out to grasp Bucky's shirt, to tug him a little closer. Steve doesn't really mean to bite his lip invitingly either, he just can't help himself when Bucky's around.]

You want to get a closer look?

You have no idea.

[He's wanted to get a closer look at Steve beneath his clothes since the second he saw the man walk into that art class, he's got a body to die for and getting to know him has only ramped that desire up tenfold.]

Don't tempt me, Rogers, because I'll make you call off the party anyway and carry you back down to that new bed right the hell now.

[He leans in and presses a light, almost innocent kiss to Steve's lips in juxtaposition to his words. God, he loves this guy. He should probably tell him that at some point.]

[Steve would be lying if he tried to claim that he didn’t feel the same about skipping the party. He was trying to consider how mad Natasha and Clint would be, if he offered up the information of spending the night with Bucky if it would buy him forgiveness.

The sweetness of the kiss makes his knees weak and he rests his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, returning it.

Jesus, Steve, get your shit together. You are a responsible adult.]

We can skip the party - I know my friends will understand. Or - if it gets too much, I’ll stay close and you can just tap my shoulder and I’ll make an excuse to get us out of there and we can come back and enjoy the company of just us. And Yasha. And the maybe two trick-or-treaters that will come around.

[Bucky being comfortable is Steve’s primary concern here. Recovery is important, getting Bucky back out into the world, but not if the attempt is going to set him running and afraid to try again.

… Also getting Bucky to spend the night, even if all they do is enjoy the intimacy of sharing sleeping space their usual intense kissing.]

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