For Steve

[advanced]

[This is a bad idea.

Bucky knows it as soon as he stops outside the little community centre where these classes run and he sees the other students milling about, chatting to each other in their own little cliques. The thing has been running for a while, it's an art group for anyone with any sort of mental health issue - depression, anxiety, psychosis. He's here for PTSD, practically bullied into it by his therapist at the VA, under the instructions that he needs to get out and start socialising more.

There are only six other people, four women and two men, and it already feels like too large a crowd. He makes sure his prosthetic is properly covered by a glove and long sleeve, stuffed into his pocket so nobody can tell it hangs strangely, and slouches in at the back. From the conversations he can overhear, blonde woman and redhead woman have anxiety issues, brunette #1 and the two men all have depression, and brunette #2 has psychosis. They're all so open with each other, chatting about medications and coping techniques and the work they've been doing in class already.

One of them approaches him and asks his name, and what he's there for, but he just glowers at her until she retreats again. He doesn't want anyone to know why he's here, and he's only here so Wilson will stop goddamn riding him about it.

He slumps into the seat nearest the back and waits for the teacher to arrive, already sure this is going to be a waste of time...]

Comments

[andstripes]

It's okay.

[Steve's quiet tone is gentle, sincere. Sometimes embarrassing honesty is all he's got. Most of the time, he thinks.]

I know I don't exactly look it. I usually don't talk about it either. I'm not embarrassed or anything, it is what it is, but I know it's one of those things that ... people don't really know what to do with the information, you know? But, ah ... when I stick my foot in my mouth next time, can you tell me what I did wrong instead of freezing me out?

[advanced]

[Oh great, so now he was even being called out for noticing that Steve probably only wanted to spend time with him out of pity. Well, fine. He could do awkward honesty, if that's what Steve wanted.]

You said you just wanted to do something to help veterans, I'm the only one in your art class, suddenly makes sense why you're being so friendly. It's fine, whatever, but I'm nobody's charity case.

[He managed to keep his voice light rather than angry, because Steve was a good guy and he probably thought he was doing a nice thing.]

Come on, I'll show you the way back so you definitely got the route, and then I'll go home. No pancakes required.

[andstripes]

[Bucky may be good at holding back his anger from his voice, but Steve isn't. He's never been good at holding back his temper. It's gotta get out somewhere, even if it's just a little spike of wounded pride. So he stops where he's standing to give Bucky a stern look.]

Okay, first off - it's called empathy. You aren't a charity case, I've never pitied anyone in my life. Don't insult me.

[After that he manages to reign it in. Yes, he's angry that apparently that's what Bucky thought his motives were, but... but maybe people have done that with him before. Maybe he has reason to assume that's the motivation. Don't be an asshole, Steve. You know for a fact everyone has their own struggles, their own battles in their day to day life that no one else knows anything about. Deep breath, exhale, back to calm.]

... Just because you're the only vet in this class doesn't mean you're the only one I've ever dealt with. In the class before the one you're in there were three, and on the class on another day of the week it's all vets aside from one other person. Sure it's what prompted me to volunteer at the center but it's not the only thing that motivates every single aspect of my life. Aside from my friends group from college I haven't invited anyone else home to make dinner for them before, veterans or not.

[advanced]

[He's not expecting that.

Steve has been so gentle and kind so far, that this first glimpse of a temper takes him by surprise, but not in a bad way. It's amazing, he's sticking up for himself with no trace of guilt or shame, and he's quite easily putting Bucky back into his place without being a douche about it. Is there anything about this guy that isn't amazing?

His cheeks are on fire from shame by the time Steve stops, but he forces himself to look up and meet Steve's eyes. He's not a coward either, he's not going to run from having done something wrong.]

I'm sorry.

[Again.]

I shouldn't have judged you by some assholes I've met before. [He really has blown any chance of taking this guy out sometime, but maybe he can salvage at least a cordial neighbour sort of thing.] Will you let me start over? I swear I make a better impression than this most of the time.

[He grins, a wry twist of his lips that's still slightly apologetic, as he holds out the only hand that ever moves from his jeans pocket.]

Hi, I'm Bucky Barnes, you might know me as the jerk who can't draw boats and is slightly too into his pancakes, nice to meet you.

[andstripes]

[Steve gives a small exhale of relief. He was so worried, too, under the indignation there. He wants to be at least friends with Bucky. He didn't want that to be ruined... and it hasn't been. Honesty, again, worked out. No matter what Natasha says about it, this is why Steve always falls back on it. Trust and faith in others is so rewarding when it's rewarded, it makes all the times where it doesn't work out totally worth it.

Steve smiles and shakes Bucky's offered hand.]

Hi, I'm Steve Rogers, artist, paper pusher, chronic meddler and more often than not entirely too honest. Glad to be your neighbor. Wanna get back and get to those pancakes?

[advanced]

[That smile still does weird things to his stomach, but he ignores it. Clearly it's just because he's relieved that he doesn't appear to have ruined this despite giving it his best efforts.]

Sure, we've said pancakes so many times now that I'm getting real hungry.

[He turns back towards the apartment building.]

Okay, what do you not have? We need eggs, flour, milk, salt, sugar, and syrup. Maybe bananas and ice cream.

[andstripes]

I bought eggs, milk, salt and a lot of sugar earlier. Some bananas too, but we might need more depending on how much you prefer.

[Miscommunication dealt with, Steve falls in step beside Bucky again.]

[advanced]

Okay, so just flour, syrup, and maybe a couple of bananas.

[He glances sideways at Steve.]

Why don't you head back, see if you can remember the route, and I'll go pick up the ingredients?

[andstripes]

[Steve laughs.]

You're just trying to get rid of me, aren't you? [It's a joke.]

Okay, you got a phone number though so I can call if I get hopelessly lost?

[advanced]

You caught me, I can't be seen with a government worker, I have a reputation to protect.

[He smiles, easy and teasing. It's good, he can go himself and then Steve won't see him if he embarrasses himself by freaking out in the store.]

Here, hand me your phone, I'll put it in.

[He doesn't know quite what possesses him, but if Steve hands his phone over then Bucky puts his number in next to the name "Buck Me" as a joke.]

[andstripes]

I knew it. Well, I won't mess up your reputation.

[Of course Steve hands his phone over. His contact list is a limited one and he rarely has silly names.

Of course, he did just have that text conversation with Nat still loaded, probably.]

[advanced]

[Of course Bucky saw the text already open, but he wasn't a complete jackass so as soon as he saw it was from someone else he closed it out. Okay so maybe he caught the words 'hot' and 'protection' first. Handing the phone back, he waved a hand casually and wandered off towards the store.

Not that Steve would be left alone for long, his phone ringing after only a moment with Natasha's number. Yes, she was spying on him. She might be a ballerina but she was also a terrifying ballerina who was bored and out of her apartment until the smell of dog puke went away.]

He's cute. [She jumps right into it when he answers, not even slightly ashamed of spying.] And he obviously thinks you're hot, so you should definitely ask him out.

[andstripes]

[barely more than a block away, he pulls his phone back up and answers it.

And, you know, almost chokes with Natasha's greeting.]

Nat!

[Steve sputtered briefly and stopped in place, looking around for any sign of her.]

Are you following us?

[advanced]

[She's inside one of the nearby shops, peering out through the window, but she doesn't make any move to show herself if he can't notice her alone.]

Of course.

[The grin is evident in her voice.]

We care about you, Steve, it's been too long since you had a date. We wanted to make sure you weren't screwing it up, and that Mr. Hot Vet With The Long Hair was good enough for you.

[andstripes]

[Damn it, Nat.]

His name is Bucky. He lives in the apartment above me, and I'd rather focus on being friends. I don't want to... scare him off. Him being nice doesn't mean he's interested.

[Nevermind that there was Phil who was utterly in love with Steve from Freshmen year to Senior year who Steve literally never noticed. He's really good at reading body language and the whole emotional knowledge thing except when it comes to people having feelings for him. He keeps attributing it to him feeling overly hopeful and seeing things where they clearly aren't.]

[advanced]

Boring.

[She scoffs, finally meandering out of her hiding place and hanging up the phone so that she can wander alongside him. Her gaze up to him is both fond and exasperated, she loves him but he's so clueless.]

What was the last date you went on? How long has it been since you've had sex? It's not healthy, Steve, I'm just looking out for you.

[andstripes]

[Steve hangs up too when Natasha does, giving her an exasperated look of his own.]

It's not important when I last had a relationship or the rest.

[Years. It's been years.]

He could be straight. Statistically, he is probably straight.

sorry for the delay!

[advanced]

He's not straight.

[She says it with total conviction even though she's never met him, never even spoken to him.]

The way he looked at you is not the way a straight man looks at another straight man, he might as well have been one of those cartoon dogs with the popping eyes and wagging tongue.

no worries! I'm on the tail end of a vacation myself

[andstripes]

[Steve still has a hard time believing that Bucky could be attracted to him, but Natasha has pretty much never been wrong before... she's got a good eye about people that way. And she absolutely wouldn't steer Steve wrong as part of a prank, he trusts her implicitly.]

I... I don't know how to even begin to flirt with him. We're making pancakes when we get back.

hope it was a good one!

[advanced]

Oh really, pancakes?

[The way she says it, she makes it sound positively filthy. Teasing aside, though, she does want this to go well. Steve is a good person, one of the best she knows, and he deserves to at least try to find happiness somewhere.]

You don't have to flirt with him, why don't you start by just asking him out? The worst he can say is no.

very good, thank you!

[andstripes]

[Steve goes a very deep shade of crimson at the way she manages to make pancakes sound like some kind of previously unknown sex act. For all Steve knows, it could be, but he also knows Bucky is at least on the same page as him about the kind of pancakes they're having tonight.]

... Maybe. After pancakes. I don't want to make it weird.

excellent :)

[advanced]

Steve, you're hopeless, you know that?

[She sighs, but it's affectionate, and leans over to bump his shoulder.]

Are we still in high school? Do you need me to pass a note to him and pull his hair for you?

I THOUGHT I HAD RESPONDED TO THIS GDI

[andstripes]

No! Just don't - don't say anything! He might take it the wrong way, he's ... sensitive.

[And yet coming from Steve that sounds less like a bad thing and more along the lines of something charming about him. Like his dreamy eyes.]

... I was ... thinking about asking him to be my resident model. That doesn't sound weird does it?

I'm so glad you came back! :D

[advanced]

[Nat snorts and bumps her shoulder up against Steve's bicep.]

It sounds like the dorkiest thing ever, but you should try it. Just do me a favour and go for it, he's definitely into you, I can tell.

I should have checked sooner I was trying to not be a bother orz I'LL CHECK FASTER NEXT TIME

[andstripes]

I will consider going for it. If he seems into it.

[Steve bumps shoulders back with her.]

Go on now before he comes back out, I already gotta think of what to say when he asks why I'm still hanging around.