For Steve

[advanced]

[This is a bad idea.

Bucky knows it as soon as he stops outside the little community centre where these classes run and he sees the other students milling about, chatting to each other in their own little cliques. The thing has been running for a while, it's an art group for anyone with any sort of mental health issue - depression, anxiety, psychosis. He's here for PTSD, practically bullied into it by his therapist at the VA, under the instructions that he needs to get out and start socialising more.

There are only six other people, four women and two men, and it already feels like too large a crowd. He makes sure his prosthetic is properly covered by a glove and long sleeve, stuffed into his pocket so nobody can tell it hangs strangely, and slouches in at the back. From the conversations he can overhear, blonde woman and redhead woman have anxiety issues, brunette #1 and the two men all have depression, and brunette #2 has psychosis. They're all so open with each other, chatting about medications and coping techniques and the work they've been doing in class already.

One of them approaches him and asks his name, and what he's there for, but he just glowers at her until she retreats again. He doesn't want anyone to know why he's here, and he's only here so Wilson will stop goddamn riding him about it.

He slumps into the seat nearest the back and waits for the teacher to arrive, already sure this is going to be a waste of time...]

Comments

[andstripes]

[Damn it, Nat.]

His name is Bucky. He lives in the apartment above me, and I'd rather focus on being friends. I don't want to... scare him off. Him being nice doesn't mean he's interested.

[Nevermind that there was Phil who was utterly in love with Steve from Freshmen year to Senior year who Steve literally never noticed. He's really good at reading body language and the whole emotional knowledge thing except when it comes to people having feelings for him. He keeps attributing it to him feeling overly hopeful and seeing things where they clearly aren't.]

[advanced]

Boring.

[She scoffs, finally meandering out of her hiding place and hanging up the phone so that she can wander alongside him. Her gaze up to him is both fond and exasperated, she loves him but he's so clueless.]

What was the last date you went on? How long has it been since you've had sex? It's not healthy, Steve, I'm just looking out for you.

[andstripes]

[Steve hangs up too when Natasha does, giving her an exasperated look of his own.]

It's not important when I last had a relationship or the rest.

[Years. It's been years.]

He could be straight. Statistically, he is probably straight.

sorry for the delay!

[advanced]

He's not straight.

[She says it with total conviction even though she's never met him, never even spoken to him.]

The way he looked at you is not the way a straight man looks at another straight man, he might as well have been one of those cartoon dogs with the popping eyes and wagging tongue.

no worries! I'm on the tail end of a vacation myself

[andstripes]

[Steve still has a hard time believing that Bucky could be attracted to him, but Natasha has pretty much never been wrong before... she's got a good eye about people that way. And she absolutely wouldn't steer Steve wrong as part of a prank, he trusts her implicitly.]

I... I don't know how to even begin to flirt with him. We're making pancakes when we get back.

hope it was a good one!

[advanced]

Oh really, pancakes?

[The way she says it, she makes it sound positively filthy. Teasing aside, though, she does want this to go well. Steve is a good person, one of the best she knows, and he deserves to at least try to find happiness somewhere.]

You don't have to flirt with him, why don't you start by just asking him out? The worst he can say is no.

very good, thank you!

[andstripes]

[Steve goes a very deep shade of crimson at the way she manages to make pancakes sound like some kind of previously unknown sex act. For all Steve knows, it could be, but he also knows Bucky is at least on the same page as him about the kind of pancakes they're having tonight.]

... Maybe. After pancakes. I don't want to make it weird.

excellent :)

[advanced]

Steve, you're hopeless, you know that?

[She sighs, but it's affectionate, and leans over to bump his shoulder.]

Are we still in high school? Do you need me to pass a note to him and pull his hair for you?

I THOUGHT I HAD RESPONDED TO THIS GDI

[andstripes]

No! Just don't - don't say anything! He might take it the wrong way, he's ... sensitive.

[And yet coming from Steve that sounds less like a bad thing and more along the lines of something charming about him. Like his dreamy eyes.]

... I was ... thinking about asking him to be my resident model. That doesn't sound weird does it?

I'm so glad you came back! :D

[advanced]

[Nat snorts and bumps her shoulder up against Steve's bicep.]

It sounds like the dorkiest thing ever, but you should try it. Just do me a favour and go for it, he's definitely into you, I can tell.

I should have checked sooner I was trying to not be a bother orz I'LL CHECK FASTER NEXT TIME

[andstripes]

I will consider going for it. If he seems into it.

[Steve bumps shoulders back with her.]

Go on now before he comes back out, I already gotta think of what to say when he asks why I'm still hanging around.

<3 I would probably have poked you in another few days, but I didn't want to be pushy

[advanced]

You like him, so you go for it.

[She fixes him with the sort of look that says she will consider kicking his ass despite being half his size.]

But fine, fine... I'm going. Run away if you want, or wait here for him, your choice.

[She flicks her hand carelessly and turns to walk away, but Steve would be silly if he thought she wouldn't stick around and spy from a distance again.]

<3

[andstripes]

[If anyone could kick Steve's ass, it would be Natasha. He isn't taking that bet.

He does watch her go, exasperated fondness on her face. He looks towards the apartment building, judging distance and time, then back to the store before he decides to just wait for Bucky out here. He can try to find his own way tomorrow and hopefully not get lost, but considering how long he spent talking to Natasha he figures there's no real point in not waiting.]

[advanced]

[Bucky hates the store.

The lights are too bright, the hum of the air conditioning unit is too loud, the aisles are deadly in the way they block line of sight and make it easy for any ambush to come. He's only in there ten minutes, but by the time he manages to make it out with pancake ingredients, he looks like death warmed over. Pale, sweating, and trembling ever so slightly.

He's not pleased to see Steve still there when he's such a mess, he thought he'd have the walk back to pull back together. It's an effort, but he tries to look more normal as he gets closer.]

Thought you were going to head back?

[andstripes]

[Steve notices, of course. Wonders if he should have insisted on going in, either for Bucky or with Bucky. But Bucky doesn't bring it up, so while Steve's concerned face can't really be hidden he doesn't bring it up either.]

Ran into Natasha just after you went in, actually - I think she wanted to check in and make sure I was making friends and not getting stabbed trying to stop an old lady's purse from getting stolen or something. Happens one time and you never live it down, you know? Anyway - she just left, so ... figured I might as well wait the extra minute so we could walk together. Otherwise you'd probably catch me at a crosswalk and if I told you this story then you'd probably think I was some kind of idiot that not only got lost easily but then couldn't fess up to it.

[When in doubt, the truth will set you free.]

[advanced]

[He sees the concerned look, but Steve doesn't mention it so maybe he'll forget. Maybe he'll think Bucky's just coming down with a cold, like he might not have noticed the arm, like the art centre might not have told him that he was a veteran.

Of course he helped little old ladies. Goddamn, but Steve was like some kind of perfect ideal of what a clean-cut American boy should be, all blond hair and blue eyes and earnest goodness. He can't help but snort, some of the tension leaking from his shoulders.]

You seriously got knifed trying to stop a mugging? When we get back to your place, am I going to see a spandex costume and mask from where you stop crime at night?

[andstripes]

I only got a little knifed. Slightly stabbed. It wasn't like the guy hit an artery. [he laughs, glad to see some of the tension leaving Bucky. So, time to head back to the apartment. Together.

It's only been a few hours, but it feels domestic in a way shopping never did with Nat. As for the spandex costume... Steve considers what Natasha said, about Bucky flirting with him before. Is he? Is it Steve's wishful thinking? Well... deep breath, play up the casual so it can be played off as a joke if Bucky gets uncomfortable...] Why, you wanna see me in a spandex costume?

bed for me now!

[advanced]

[Goddamn but he could do some sinful things to Steve in some spandex, he's pretty sure that everyone on the planet wants to see that body hugged by skin-tight material. But he's not the flirty guy he used to be, and he knows that he's hardly a catch any more with his missing arm and fucked up head.

Still, he can't help the small smile that tugs his lips up and the way his eyes sweep over Steve to give him the once over.]

Is that an offer? Because I've gotta say, Teach, pretty inappropriate with a student.

have a good night!

[andstripes]

[Oh god. Oh god. This is happening. Bucky is... Bucky is almost definately flirting back, right? Right? Steve's glad it's dark out, he hopes it'll hide the sudden blush and that he'll be able to get it back under control before they get to the building again.]

Does that mean you'll for sure come back to class? Besides, it's not really a spandex superhero suit, just gym clothes.

[You know, one of those ridiculously tight shirts along with shorts no heterosexual man owns.]

[advanced]

I don't know, it wasn't really my thing. Don't you remember the boat disaster? Pretty sure the less art of mine in the world, the better the world is.

[He does smile sideways, though. God, Steve is making it hard not to flirt. He is coming onto Bucky, right? But surely he has someone... an Adonis like this is definitely not single.]

Besides, I can't learn from someone who makes pancakes from a mix.

[andstripes]

[Steve has to laugh at that, put at ease again by Bucky's joking around.]

Fair point. But if that's the case then it isn't really inappropriate since we aren't teacher and student, is it? Just two guys who live in the same apartment building.

[advanced]

[Okay, he really can't ignore it now. That genuinely seems like Steve is asking him out, which could get pretty dangerous really quickly. He liked Steve, he did, but nobody should be dealing with his shit at the moment.]

Are you coming onto me?

[Better to put it out there bluntly, and then either be shot down or make things awkward either way. It probably means no pancakes or easy neighbour friendship, but some things have to be said.]

[andstripes]

['Fuck, he IS straight'. That's the first thing that comes to mind, followed quickly by 'He has a significant other already,' with 'You're hardly a damn Adonis who attracts everyone who is single and into men he's just not into you that way' taking up the rear of the self-depreciation train.

The urge is very strong to say no, to make a joke out of it - which to be fair would probably fall flat anyway, situation diffusing jokes were Tony's specialty not Steve's - to maybe just literally run for it except Bucky also literally knows where he lives. That still leaves lying, but even if Steve didn't have a thing against lying for any purpose other than to spare someone's feelings he's shit poor at it. His face is too honest.

And by now, even as fast as those thoughts fly through his head, it's still been too long of a pause to be anything other than an obvious 'yes'. So he opts for focusing his attention on the route they're taking rather than looking at Bucky to deliver the carefully spoken,]

... only if you'd be interested in that.

[Damn it Natasha why did you talk him into this? Why did he let you talk him into this?]

[advanced]

[His first, stupid, instinctive reaction is happiness. He hasn't been come onto in months, in years, and god does he ever miss it. He used to be a real player around the town - never nasty, he would never cheat or lie - but he always had a guy on his arm and he got a fair amount of action in the bedroom. Not since shipping out. He doesn't think of himself as attractive any more... hell, he knows he's not attractive any more, with his missing arm and scars and fucked up brain.

But to be hit on by someone who looks like Steve, someone who's such a nice and genuine guy. God, for a moment he wants to accept. But it's because Steve is such a good guy that he can't do that.]

Look, Steve...

[It's awkward now, stilted and cloying. He rubs his hand over the back of his head, trying to find the right words.]

A couple of years ago, I'd have jumped you right here in the street. You're sexy, funny, smart, and-- Jesus, what I'm trying to say is, do yourself a favour and don't get involved with me. Okay? Guy like you, you can do better, so don't settle.

[andstripes]

I'm not settling- [Steve snaps the words out, hurt, before he can bite his tongue and hold them back. Even if it was a gentle rejection as kindly stated as possible, Bucky has every right to do the rejecting and Steve has no right to be upset about it. It isn't like he hasn't had that happen a hundred times before, either - even if he'd never wanted anyone else as much as he's starting to realize he wanted - wants - Bucky.]

... Sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -

[God, Steven Grant Rogers - you are a train wreck of a human being. How do you still have friends? Think before you talk.]

I meant to say that it's alright. I might not have much dating experience ... any dating experience... but I get it. Stings, but I don't mind. I hope I didn't make things too weird to be friends, at least? I'll understand too if I did, though.