fossilised | For Steve

For Steve

[This is a bad idea.

Bucky knows it as soon as he stops outside the little community centre where these classes run and he sees the other students milling about, chatting to each other in their own little cliques. The thing has been running for a while, it's an art group for anyone with any sort of mental health issue - depression, anxiety, psychosis. He's here for PTSD, practically bullied into it by his therapist at the VA, under the instructions that he needs to get out and start socialising more.

There are only six other people, four women and two men, and it already feels like too large a crowd. He makes sure his prosthetic is properly covered by a glove and long sleeve, stuffed into his pocket so nobody can tell it hangs strangely, and slouches in at the back. From the conversations he can overhear, blonde woman and redhead woman have anxiety issues, brunette #1 and the two men all have depression, and brunette #2 has psychosis. They're all so open with each other, chatting about medications and coping techniques and the work they've been doing in class already.

One of them approaches him and asks his name, and what he's there for, but he just glowers at her until she retreats again. He doesn't want anyone to know why he's here, and he's only here so Wilson will stop goddamn riding him about it.

He slumps into the seat nearest the back and waits for the teacher to arrive, already sure this is going to be a waste of time...]

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[It's not actually a whole lot of complicated instructions when it comes down to it, but Bucky is petrified that he's going to forget something and screw it all up with Steve's recovery. He repeats it to himself a few times even as he nods and absently thanks her.]

C'mon tough guy, say thanks to your friend and let's take you home.

[He has a plan.

He's going to get Steve put to bed and then he's going to call Sam and admit what he's done. He'll probably be in for a tongue lashing for avoiding the Vet Centre for a while, and for not turning up to his therapy appointments, but he really needs some help. He trusts Sam, the man hasn't bullshitted him. If he says that Bucky needs to get out of there, then he'll go, if he says that maybe he can stick about then-- well, maybe he can stick about.]

[Steve says bye with an excessive amount of waving, and otherwise is completely content to follow wherever Bucky leads him. There is the occasional wobbling, but he never actually falls in danger of tipping over. He continues to hold on to Bucky like it's a date rather than to make sure where he's going.

He also tells random people on the street, cheerfully, that this is his handsome Bucky. He blessedly only does it a couple times.

Other than that he mostly behaves himself for the short walk back to the apartment, mostly getting apparently lost in thought rather than babbling inanely. That would have started up had they gone any farther.]

Are you going to hang around, Bucky?

[Strangely, even though it's embarrassing, he doesn't find it that bad to be introduced as Steve's handsome Bucky. It's kind of nice, underneath the twist of guilt, to know that Steve really does think he's attractive.]

Yeah, for a while. I'm gonna put you to bed, because you look like a train smashed into you, and then I'm gonna make some phone calls. I'll be out on the couch and you can call me if you need anything.

[Pills, water, food. He'd be there to be Steve's nurse, it's the least he could do.]

Okay, handsome Steve?

[if he was planning on protesting, he manages to be so surprised by Bucky calling him handsome Steve that it drives him to distraction. He even blushes and giggles, bringing his hands up to cover his face like that could hide the blush.]

I'm your handsome Steve~

[visibly pleased beyond measure, Steve nods a few times and rather drifts back into his bedroom to get his pajamas back on and lay down.]

[Steve needs to stop making it really hard not to smile and kiss him, because Bucky is struggling to hold onto his guilt right now and he needs to keep perspective until he's spoken to Sam.

He waits until he hears the bed creak under Steve's weight and then gets his phone out to dial Sam, a bit nervous as to what the reaction would be.]

[Sam picks up on the first ring. He's got Bucky's number saved in his phone after all. On the other line his voice is calm if somewhat annoyed.]

Mister Barnes, [Last name treatment, you know you're in trouble.] to what do I owe the pleasure?

[Yeesh. He winces a little, but it's not like he doesn't deserve it. Except now that he's on the phone, he doesn't really know where to start.]

I sent my boyfriend to urgent care.

[Never mind that the last time he saw Sam was before his first and only art class, so he doesn't even know Bucky has a boyfriend.]

[There's the faint mutter of something that sounds distinctly like 'Jesus Christ', but there's no real shock to it. Exhaustion, perhaps. In a perfect world, this would be the first and last time Sam gets a call from anyone that opens with this. He knows they do not live in a perfect world. So as much as he wants to ask 'Boyfriend?' and the whole story, first things first.]

How bad?

[Is he still in Urgent Care. Is he hooked up to life support. Is he in a cast, what kind of damage control are we looking at?]

I thought I could sleep next to him, I just-- I broke his nose, but he's kinda sick anyway and so he's fucked up.

[He sounds wretched, actually admitting this out loud to someone else makes it seem so much more real. He's a goddamn monster.]

He doesn't blame me, he wants me to stick around.

[That's messed up, right?]

[It could be worse. This apparent boyfriend could be dead. Sam has taken those calls.

He doesn't tell Bucky any of that, though. Nor does he get on Bucky's case about not calling him sooner, keeping up his therapy, the whole nine yards. He'll probably get to that eventually, but one crisis at a time.]

Okay.

[It doesn't sound like filing charges is going to be an issue anyway.]

Start from the top then. Last I heard I managed to bully you into that Therapy through Artwork class and now you're calling me months later with having a boyfriend who you are intimate enough with to be sharing a bed with? That's a lot of gaps, Barnes.

[This is why Sam is excellent at what he does, he somehow manages to portray a facade of unflappable kindness and compassion even when he's being faced with a crisis he isn't expecting.]

Do you know the guy that runs the class?

[He assumes Sam must have met him, he's the sort of diligent idiot that makes sure there's nothing he sends his veterans to that isn't checked out.]

Steve Rogers. He moved into my building, things kinda-- developed. He's a good guy, real good, not like that jerk Brock. [That was a period of history better forgotten.] I wasn't gonna spend the night, one thing just kinda led to the other and I ended up there. I thought I could handle it.

[The less said about Brock the better. Sam hated the guy to the point that it was almost a relief when Sam's gut turned out to be right, if it weren't for the state he'd left Bucky in.

He did know Steve, too. Not intimately, they weren't friends, but he did know that Steve was a good man. He took every certification class to volunteer at the vet center, even the ones that weren't actually required, and every new one that opened up he was there for. The man was dedicated to helping people. Hell, that was why Sam was oft to recommend for his charges to take Steve's class. He was also, as far as Sam knew, pure as the driven snow. He'd never seen the man so much as make a comment about another person that alluded to finding them physically attractive. He only knew about Steve's tastes because someone mistook that redheaded roommate of his for his girlfriend and she corrected them.

Looks like it was time to bully Steve into taking a coffee break together next time he caught the man between the volunteer classes he ran.]

And you've been together... how long? Is this the first time something like this has happened?

I don't know; four... five months?

[Sam knows about his memory issues more than most, and how much he struggled to even recall his name in the early days. He has some vague memories of being drugged up to the high heavens just after being flown home for surgery, with Sam at his bedside, sobbing to this stranger that he didn't recognise his own sister when she came in earlier.

He's come a long way since then.]

Yeah, it's the first time. Isn't once enough? He looks like I caved his goddamn face in, Sam.

Four, five months, with no therapy to back you up and this is the first time something happened.

[He's not trying to make Bucky feel better here, just restating facts to make sure he's not getting anything wrong.]

He wants you to stay? Stay. But call me if anything comes up at all, and check in again by eight tonight. Do you have any free time tomorrow to come see me?

[Stay.

It feels like a priest absolving his sins, even though it's not, but he knows Sam wouldn't tell him that it was okay to stay if it really wasn't. He'd come round himself if he thought he needed to extract Bucky.]

...I thought I could do this without therapy. I'm fucking sick of being broken.

[But he'll call, he'll come and see him.]

I don't know if I can come tomorrow, Steve is fucked up on painkillers and he needs someone around.

[There is no hesitation before Sam offers, even though Bucky has never let Sam into his apartment before. He can guess, through context clues, how Bucky lives. So they're at Steve's place, in the same building so familiar territory, but knowing the kind of guy Steve is probably a clean but homey place. Much better for Bucky's psyche.]

I can drop by, too. Bring any groceries you two might need.

[Even though the offer is kindly given, Bucky isn't stupid enough to think that it's an actual choice he has. Sam is coming around whether he's invited or not, so he might as well just go with it.]

Yeah-- yeah, thanks. Some food, nutritious crap, for Steve.

[Bucky is perfectly allowed to say no, but Sam would find a way to check in anyway and it would not be anywhere near as nice. There's a sound of affirmation from Sam's end of the phone.]

Text me the apartment number, I'll be there at nine in the morning.

[Sam has other ways of obtaining Steve's address, he volunteers at the place where Sam works so there are records Sam can access easily enough, but as much as possible it's important for Bucky to be a participant here.]

Also, congrats on the relationship, Bucky.

[Sam must be confident in thinking there was a relationship to save to say something like that and it makes him feel better-- but almost like he's about to cry, so he settles on just hanging up without another word. He knows Sam can get the apartment number from someone else.

Setting his phone on the table, Bucky pads through to the bedroom with Sasha at his heels to see if Steve is asleep. He's not going to cry, damn it, he's not.]

[Steve has been drifting in and out of sleep. On the one hand, painkillers like whoa (never having a history of painkiller abuse means they give you the really good ones), on the other hand he did get a full eight hours of sleep before going in.

So he's in the sort of drowsy half awake stage, having pulled on a loose t-shirt and clearly decided that and boxer-briefs were all that were required for sleep. Seeing Bucky at the door with Sasha though has him trying to wake up a little more, dopey smile and utter adoration returning.]

You're so handsome.

[Fuck him, Steve is just-- look at him, he's so gorgeous even while doped up to the eyeballs and he's just so perfect with it. Bucky's steps over to the bed are a little stilted, but eventually he's sat next to Steve, voice low.]

My therapist from the vet centre is coming over tomorrow morning, he said-- he said it was okay to stay with you.

[Don't cry, Barnes, get it together. Hopefully Steve is too out of it to notice the thick wobble to Bucky's voice.]

[Steve rolls onto his back so he can look up at Bucky from the comfort of the bed, his cheek pressed against Bucky's thigh. Bucky is here. Bucky is going to stay. Everything is going to be okay.]

Do you want to stay forever?

[He huffs a quiet little laugh that mingles with the sob caught in his throat, and all of a sudden he's crying. Thank god they're silent tears and with how doped up Steve is, he might not notice, especially once Bucky starts threading fingers through his hair soothingly.]

You always like this when you're high, Rogers?

[Steve nuzzles shamelessly against Bucky's leg. Well, not exactly nuzzles, he's got to be careful of the broken nose and all but rubbing his cheek will have to do. He makes a soft sound in his throat at the question, though what it's supposed to indicate is anyone's guess.

Glancing up, he does catch that glint of light off the wetness of Bucky's cheek.]

Did I make you sad?

What? No.

[Damn it.

He swallows hard and tries to choke it back, but now it's started he doesn't seem to be able to stop the tears. It's good, really, he'll feel better when it's out. But it's embarrassing.]

I'm sad 'cause I hurt you.

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feel free to play Sam or skip past if you don't fancy it

As HECK yea Sam I'll try to not mess up!

Yeaaaaah!

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