fossilised | It's AU time

It was still weird for Bucky to think of Steve in a tattoo parlour, he just didn't seem the type to be helping drunk idiots pick out fancy lettering for inking their girlfriend's names onto their skin. But then, he didn't really grasp just what a high end place it was and the type of inheritance brat that made up nearly all their clientele. Getting to do an amazing design on someone who really wanted it was often few and far between.

"Alright, alright. I won't nag any more, happy?"

He would, however, be waiting up to make sure that car got Steve home okay and that he had his medicine and something to eat before he went to bed. He wanted to make sure the poor guy wasn't sick again on Christmas Day, and-- oh shit, Christmas Day.

"--I forgot it was Christmas Eve. We haven't even decorated at all, and you haven't told me what you're doing on Christmas Day yet? Nat and Thor? I bet Thor cooks a whole goose or something ridiculous like that."

"I don't exactly have a lot of family, Buck," Steve chuckled. "Nat and I usually do something, but she's been so wrapped up in Thor... I don't know. I'll text her later. She might just be going over his place? His family is in Norway, so maybe not. I don't know. She gets like this when she starts seeing someone knew. I won't say obsessive...but...yeah. He's still in the four month grace period."

Steve wasn't really that down about it.

"I'm guessing you don't have any plans? You're not running up to Boston on me, are you?" The wind outside battered against the windows loud enough for Steve to pick up his head and stare out at the lights shining through. "I have some stuff in the closet if you really feel like stringing lights up for a day or two. Christmas was never about presents or decorations for me. Mom did her best, but she usually worked holidays."

Bucky's expression shuttered when Steve mentioned him going to Boston, though it probably wouldn't be noticed with how he was sat behind Steve to hold him that way. He never should have mentioned where his family lived, but he hadn't expected Steve and himself to get this close.

"They don't know where I am, I haven't spoken to them in months, I won't be going back there."

Because he was a bastard. God only knows what they thought, all he had told them was that he had been discharged and was going across country to find another job. They probably thought he had been dishonourably discharged or something, they were probably mad as all hell, especially Rebecca.

"If, uh-- if you don't have plans with Nat, maybe I can make you dinner?"

Okay, there was a ton to unpack there. A huge amount. Actually, Steve was at a little loss for words. He knew Bucky probably was ashamed of himself. He knew he was not the same as he'd been before he was shipped off. But to cut out his family? That part had not come up when they were talking to Drunk Bucky.

Steve pulled himself up only so that he could stretch out and lay his head on Bucky's knee.

"So this is the part where I'm supposed to tell you that you're being stupid and you should at least call them for Christmas. But. You're a grown man. And I don't know anything about your family except that your sister's name is Rebecca and she was pissed off at you for enlisting. Don't give me that sour look. You told me, you can't hold that against me."

Steve lifted a hand to flick Bucky on the nose.

"But anyway, yeah. You can cook dinner for me. Are we have some sort of balls again? I just want to be prepared."

Bucky had dated before, but he had never been with someone who was so openly tactile from the beginning. It didn't bother him to have Steve's head on his knee, waiting only a moment or two before he threaded his fingers into soft gold and began to stroke a gentle rhythm.

"It'll probably be tater tots and meatballs, my cooking doesn't exactly extend to a full Christmas dinner. I'll make melon balls too, everything balls for you."

Wait, that sounded even more wrong than he intended, and he snorted in mild embarrassment. It was good that Steve hadn't pushed him to call his family, but maybe he deserved to know just what kind of selfish ass he had got himself involved with. He wouldn't blame Steve if this made him throw Bucky out.

"They're good people, my Ma and sister. They always looked out for me, supported me, loved me... but neither of them wanted me to enlist. My Ma wanted me to go to college first, get some life experience before I made such a big choice, and Rebecca didn't want to risk losing me. They both got real mad when I joined up anyway, but I thought I knew what was best." He snorted again, this time bitterly. "Now look at me. They were right, and they don't deserve to have to deal with my mistakes. It's better for them if they just remember how I was. I told them-- I said I'd been discharged, that I had a job across country, and that was it. They don't know I was hurt, captured, or even why I was discharged."

Everything balls? "You missed the big one. Popcorn balls," Steve laughed. When was the last time someone stroked his hair? That weird girl probably, the one that made jewelry out of baby teeth and sold them on Etsy. She'd told him he had the perfect hair for braiding into bracelets. On their first date. Just before Steve had gotten her bra undone. That was a bit of a deal breaker. He didn't want to be jewelry.

With Bucky, it was different. He wasn't being sized up. He wasn't being taken apart. They were just being themselves as they put items on a digital shopping list.

"I don't know your family but I don't think they're the I told you so types. I'm not saying you have to tell them anything--" Bucky wasn't drunk, but he was being very forthcoming. That felt almost better than the hair petting. "But you should still wish them a Merry Christmas. Maybe send a card if you don't want to call. Your mom just wants what's best for you. It's a mom thing. Mine used to tell me that all the time. Even after I did something stupid that landed me in the hospital."

He'd almost died a few times because he insisted on doing what he knew his body couldn't handle. Such was the way of teenage boys.

Steve had earned the openness. He had been so understanding so far, he had been open himself, and they had goddamn kissed. If he didn't trust Steve now, then he was a jerk who didn't deserve to see where this might go. It didn't mean that he was suddenly going to be gushing about his feelings every day, but he would be more candid with the secrets of his past. Some of them, anyway.

"Geez, Steve, way to make me feel like a jerk."

He knew that wasn't what Steve intended, but he still felt that way. Here was a nice guy who had lost both his parents, and probably would do almost anything to be able to wish his Ma a Merry Christmas, and Bucky was being a selfish dick by cutting his family out.

"What do I even say? Hey 'Becca, sorry I disappeared on you for months, but your Christmas present is in the mail?"

Both of Steve's eyebrows lifted and he sat up as only a guy his size could do, actually facing Bucky with his back to the edge of the sofa. He set a hand where he'd had his head as if maintaining physical contact was vital for his wellbeing. "First of all, you're only feeling like a jerk because of your guilt. And second of all, you just have to ask about how they are. People love to talk about themselves. They'll get to hear your voice and know you're alive and that's it."

He did want Bucky to reconnect with his family. It was important to keep the people that loved you close at hand. That probably explained why he and Nat were so close. And why he had latched onto this new and interesting fascet of a relationship with Bucky.

"But you should just think about it. You don't need input from me. Unless we're going to fight over the percentage of fat in the milk because I was born and raised on 2% and I'm putting my foot down."

Damn right he was guilty. Not just because of his dumbass decision to join the army which had backfired on him spectacularly, but because of what he must have done to them over the last few months. How worried must they be, how scared, how angry? He knew that if he were in their place, and Rebecca had pulled a disappearing act, he'd be out of his mind with worry and scouring the city dawn til dusk to try and find her.

Which just made him more of a jerk.

The self loathing on his face was pretty obvious for a moment, before he pushed it down and grabbed hold of Steve's change of subject with both hands pretty gratefully.

"2%, are you kidding me? That's it, we're over already, I can't try and date someone who thinks 2% is worth putting in their mouth. It's full fat or nothing."

There was a reason for that subject change. Bucky wasn't ready to confront a lot of things just yet but it was good that he was paying attention. He needed to be reminded that he was cared for. He needed to be reminded that people out there missed him. And then he needed for that to be soothed over by something inane so he could focus on all of that stuff later when he was alone.

A slow smile creeped up on his face before mock outrage could fully take over.

"You might not care about your heart but I am going to care about it! This is not over, not when I have a duty to keep you from getting a heart attack, Bucky Barnes! Two percent. But I'll get you cream for your coffee. Even if you're gross and usually take it black. Who does that?"

Maybe that was why Steve got so much trust, and why Bucky already cared about him so much, because he knew when to push and when to back off. And, most importantly, he didn't seem to judge. Bucky already thought a great deal about Steve's moral compass and his sense of justice, so if he didn't think that Bucky was a complete write off then maybe he wasn't too far gone.

He leaned forwards to press another kiss to Steve's lips, light and still fizzing with the new ability to be allowed to do that.

"Black is the only way to take coffee, Steve, it's not my fault that you're a heathen. I mean-- I still like you, we all have to have our flaws, but this is a big one to overlook. Look, we'll work on it together, okay? We'll get you there."

He smirked, interrupted from saying more by Steve's text alert going off.

FROM: Natabatadingdong
TO: Steve

Rehearsal cancelled. Meet me at McD. You're buying. 45 mins.

If getting there together meant a whole lot of kissing, count him in. Steve hadn't realized how much he liked it or should like it. It was never something he thought about, but that fizz was exactly it. Bucky just seriously did it for him. In every single way. He was just getting back into it as if to shut Bucky up about his short comings when the sound of a text and the vibration in his hand made him groan.

"Nothing is sacred anymore," he complained. "Not even grocery..." A frown passed his face as he rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm paying," he said to himself. Nat made so much more money than he did too! "Nat wants to meet at McDonald's. I think maybe she broke up with Thor. And since I want to talk about you behind your back, do you mind sitting this one out? I need to discuss what kissing you does to me in elaborate detail with my bestie."

This wouldn't be the first time that Nat had broken up with someone after a short time, they always seemed to get more attached than her and end up making ridiculous declarations of love that she had no time for. But not this time, she was still happy with her hulking fireman, she just really did have a cancelled rehearsal and she wanted to hear all about his progress with the man who had been sleeping on his couch for the past couple of weeks.

Man, she was almost annoyed. She spent so much time trying to set him up, and then it looked like he might be on the way there himself. Of course, she imagined that he hadn't gone for it yet, he was too useless in that regard.

Bucky snorted and pulled up to his feet, stretching. "As long as you tell her that I make your toes curl, I think I could sit this out." He didn't exactly want to go out again anyway. "I should head upstairs before my fridge grows new life and raises an army to take over the world anyway."

"Uh so yeah if you happen to get captured by the fridge people, make sure you call right away. Don't eat anything in there either. I mean it. Even if it says it's fine... Remember that we don't want to be sick over Christmas."

Back on went the boots and the coat and hat and gloves... Steve put a hand on Bucky's shoulder, just over where it connected to the prosthetic, and leaned down to kiss him again. His breath was soft. Lingering.

"At least I don't have to lie about the toe curling," he said before he dashed off and headed four blocks west towards the McDonalds. He was frozen when he got there, the walk lights not working in his favor, and he plunked down in a seat and waited for Natalia.

Alone, he couldn't help but finally blush and grin into his palm.

Wow. Bucky Barnes. How did that even happen?

Wherever Natalia Romanoff went, she always turned heads. Petite, gorgeous, with fiery red hair and a sultry way of walking. Literally all the men and most of the women were staring at her when she entered, and more than a few looked envious as she ran over and threw her arms fondly around Steve.

"You look terrible," she said bluntly, in her soft Russian accent. "Pale and too thin, buy seven Big Macs and eat them all. Then buy me one. Maybe two. Hurry, hurry, lots to talk about."

She sat herself down and waved her hands at him to chivvy him into going to buy the food.

"How about one for each of us?" New York was not a cheap place. Even fast food was not cheap. But Steve pulled himself out of the booth and ordered, making a note to grab something for Bucky too on the way out since a coffee and a scone wasn't going to do it. Five minutes later and he carried the tray back, mildly amused at the looks he was getting. Was it weird that he ordered for them? Or were the people here confused at him having dinner with the bundled up dancer?

Maybe he was just overall giddy.

"I feel a lot better, even if I look awful. Are you all right? You never want to down fifteen hundred calories in one sitting."

"I missed breakfast this morning," she explained, waving away the concern as she bit into her Big Mac. Though she was careful not to eat too many calories, she was also careful not to eat too few as she had to maintain muscle mass for dancing. One fast food meal wouldn't break her.

"Now stop talking about boring things, talk to me about Bucky."

She had liked what she saw of him, though it didn't take a genius to see that he had a lot of issues and she was wary about subjecting Steve to that. He was a genuinely nice guy, he needed his heart protecting.

"Please tell me there is something there, make it my Christmas present."

Steve pursed his lips up and sort of half tilted his head and half frowned and half groaned and half winced-- "You called me out here in the cold after getting over pneumonia to ask about Bucky? I'm asking him out tomorrow."

He had to go through the whole thing then, about why tomorrow and about the hypothetical questions and then the kissing and the rest of it. Steve was glowing, even over the scarf that he still wore to keep from getting a chill. It was stupid, but puppy love just made him feel more whole than he had in a long time.

He played with the straw of his Sprite and leaned forward. "Anyway. Whatcha doing for Christmas? Thor and you still a thing?"

That... was almost obscenely adorable. He looked like his face might split from smiling so hard, and the way that they had got together was sickening. The sort of thing that might be seen in a film on Lifetime, not at all how she had got together with Thor. By drinking him under the table and then punching him so hard that he got a concussion, which apparently impressed him so much that he had asked her out on the spot.

"Yes, and we're having Christmas at Thor's place, so you're coming. No arguments. You can even bring your boyfriend."

Loren would be there as well, someone she wasn't sure she liked all that much but who Thor obviously doted on, but that should be it. Perhaps Clint would stop by if he woke up in time and didn't just decide to split a pizza with his dog.

"Yes arguments because one, he's not my boyfriend and two, he doesn't really do good with people. You know that. He doesn't do very good with being out and after tonight, I'm not too keen on being around Thor's brother okay?" He didn't really want to get into it though.

He liked Loren. Or had liked him. But he'd seen the man purposefully hit the counter and he'd been crouched over for twenty full minutes trying to talk a man he cared about out of the desert.

"What about tomorrow night instead? After work, bring Thor around and we'll celebrate Christmas Eve together. No arguments."

He wanted Nat with him but he understood that sometimes plans and people changed. It would be weird not having Christmas with her though.

"You kissed him, he kissed you, he slept on your couch, he is your boyfriend. You decide you don't want him in a week or month, he is no longer your boyfriend, it's not like I'm saying you're married."

Honestly, Steve was too reserved about these things. Natasha called anyone she kissed more than once a boyfriend until she was through with them, and Steve needed to have the confidence in his own sex appeal to do that too.

"You argued, I said no. You are coming Christmas, you can bring him, end of discussion. No, I lie, not end of discussion, why do you not like Loren?"

"I didn't argue so much as make a counter offer," Steve said, picking things off of his burger and putting them back on. He wasn't that hungry and all of this boyfriend and kissing business was making his stomach ache. It wasn't wholly unpleasant but he wasn't sure what to do with it anyway. "He's a vet. He was over in Afghanistan. Something happened... I mean, his arm-- but there's more than that. He doesn't like being out. He has these triggers. It's pretty bad. Loren, I guess, figured it out. We saw him with his boyfriend at the coffee shop and Bucky made some comment about what was said so Loren-- I think he purposefully tried to scare Bucky. And it worked, okay? It took me awhile to talk him down. He's not going to want to go to Thor's for Christmas but if I ask, he'll come. And I can't do that to him."

This put Steve in a really bad spot.

"So please don't put your petite little foot down on this, Nat. I really-- I really like him. He's the only other person in my life, after you, that I've really had an easy time being around. Like he gets me, even if he has so much other stuff going on... And already told him we'd have dinner together."

Steve looked guilty.

"You and Thor could come for dessert. After your thibg."

"Loren has a boyfriend? He has not mentioned this, Thor does not know, I think. Perhaps I will make sure he sends an apology to your friend, hm?"

Natalia could be a very scary woman when she wanted to be, but she wasn't bad at heart. She trusted that Steve had got the right end of the stick when he said Loren triggered a panic attack or flashback through deliberate means rather than by accident, he tended to be perceptive in that sort of way and she had seen Loren behave spitefully towards Thor on occasion.

"I suppose you could win this argument, only once, but you never tell anyone. I will bring Thor for dessert on Christmas Day, or perhaps I will blow him off and come to yours all day, I don't like not being with you on Christmas."

Not since they had made friends all those years back when she couldn't even speak English. She remembered their first Christmas together where Steve just babbled at her in a language she barely understood just to help her get acclimitised to the sound of it, and how she had waited all day just to tell him to shut up, and then thank you.

Over the table, Steve stood and leaned to wrap his arm around Nat and pull her close. It was awkward and the edge of the table dug into his hips, but it was worth it. "Thor is a good guy, Nat. Maybe Loren is too. He's always been nice to me in that ignoring way of his." He scratched the back of his neck and tried not to get special sauce everywhere.

He didn't want Nat to miss out on a family. But he wasn't too sure if Bucky would want a lot of company either.

"Why don't we have dinner at your place? It can spill over into mine and that way everyone can be together?"

And Bucky could hide if he needed to.

Nat considered for a moment, she could probably convince Thor to have the celebration at her place rather than his, and Loren could be bullied into the change in location, so there was no real reason why not.

"As long as you do not expect me to cook because it is my apartment, then you have a deal."

She had an aversion to cooking. She subsisted on salads and protein bars a lot of the time, and the occasional take out from one of the healthier places. Luckily everywhere delivered in New York, even sushi bars, and she managed a fairly healthy diet without ever cooking herself.

"Only two days, hm? I hope you have got me a magnificent present."

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pretend Bucky is Nat

Re: pretend Bucky is Nat

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