fossilised | It's AU time

She wasn't even meant to know that he'd lost a limb. He had wanted to keep everything from his family and let them preserve his memory as what he used to be, a literal idiot's pipe dream because there was no way of making it happen. A part of him knew it had been unsustainable and he hadn't been protecting his family by staying away so much as protecting himself by burying his head in the sand, but now he couldn't lie to himself any more.

It was probably for the best, it was just terrifying.

He scrubbed his hand over his face and then pushed himself up from in front of the door, offering his hand out to Steve to help him up from his perch on the stairs if he anted it.

"I know she does, that's why I was trying to protect her. She doesn't deserve to have to deal with the mistakes I made, and I'm just-- I'm so angry they couldn't leave her alone. But I swear I'm not mad at you, don't stop-- giving me advice and being the little asshole you are, because you mean a lot to me."

"I kind of think it's mandatory to tell next of kin...." Which meant that his mom very likely was aware that he'd gone missing too. Steve felt badly for everyone in this situation and the liquid of his eyes collecting along his lash line pretty much said as much even as he accepted Bucky's hand up. "You need to go and lock up your apartment. There aren't as many nice people living here as me and Nat make it seem."

They were in a low rent area. Thst meant that it wasn't all that safe.

"And I brought you dinner. Can you-- will you stay tonight? I know you've been staying every night for a week, but I want you to stay with me." The words were loaded. He knew that. Standing on the second step, at least he could look Bucky directly in the eye while they spoke. "Get the McDonald's and a change of clothes, okay?"

That wasn't quite an order but it certainly was forceful.

Bucky's eyebrows rose a little. Now that they'd kissed and admitted that they liked one another, it was certainly a more loaded question than before. But he didn't think that Steve was the sort to want to jump into bed with just anyone so soon, especially when they weren't even formally dating, so he was just going to assume that he was being asked to sleep on the couch again.

He hadn't even thought about how his Ma would probably find out where he lived now, and that meant he was probably on a countdown to Rebecca showing up and chewing him out for disappearing on them. He just knew that he was starting to relax now the call was over and there was just Steve again.

"Yeah... yeah, okay. Maybe-- maybe you can show me some more of your art tonight? You know I really love it, you're so talented."

Also he really wanted to not focus on himself for the night. So he darted past Steve upstairs to his apartment to grab what he'd been told to bring, before slipping back down again to Steve's place.

Steve actually hadn't planned on Bucky getting the couch again. His bed was just small, though, but with Bucky's help, he could pull out the futon to a bed. That would be big enough for the two of them. If Bucky slipped up close to him. He just wasn't ready for for sex. His first time had to be meaningful and amazing and he wasn't in any rush. But that didn't mean that the idea of a body sleeping beside him wasn't thrilling.

He was already trying to unfold the futon when Bucky came back. He'd get his art supplies after that and they could sit up and look at them or discuss a comic maybe? It could be fun to collaborate and eat that fifty piece of chicken nuggets he'd gotten Bucky until they flopped together like puppies.

The futon was really fighting him though. All of his romantic fantasies were on hold as he growled and pulled at the wooden slats.

"Come. On!"

Bucky set the chicken nuggets down on the side table and dumped his clothes by the end of the couch, and then just leaned against the door jamb of the bedroom and started to laugh. Silently at first, but it built and built until he was almost hysterical, the sound rare but chasing away the dark clouds that usually existed on his face to make him look younger and more carefree.

He couldn't help it, it was just the most adorable sight he had ever seen. Because of course Steve would struggle with the furniture and get frustrated at it in such a family friendly manner.

He was just... unreal. Fucking perfectly unreal, and he couldn't go and help out because he was too busy dying of laughter watching.

The laughter startled Steve enough to drop the tension rod and it flung itself back and snapped into place. He glanced over his shoulder and Bucky and put his hands on his hips before he crossed his arms over his chest for a more masculine appearance.

"Thanks for all of your help, Sergeant," he said as gravely as possible. "If we end up folded into a couch at some point tonight I will be blaming you."

But he could hardly manage to look angry. Not when Bucky's laughter was infectious and felt good to hear after he was so hurt and angry.

He turned fully, tilting his head to the side.

"We aren't both going to fit on the sofa and I'm a little too old for sleeping bags on the floor."

Even Steve looking faux annoyed couldn't stop his mirth. He really needed that after today, it helped to push the terrible conversation with his mother out of his mind (stupid, really, that was just burying his head in the sand some more), and let him focus on the good points in his life. Namely, Steve, who was pretty much the best thing in his life at the moment.

"If we end up folded into a couch, you can blame your own bad craftsmanship. Come on, who can't put up a futon?"

He didn't even mind being called Sergeant, stepping forward to put his hand on Steve's hip, eyes full of warmth.

"Jeez, has anyone told you that you're gorgeous today?"

Bucky made Steve's heart regularly stop beating. It was probably the most amazing thing about all of this and it was the only medical condition that didn't immediately freak him out feeling.

"This guy I'm probably going to ask out did say my eyes were gorgeous," Steve said, leaning towards Bucky. His hand moved up the chest of the man in front of him, feeling muscle and sinew and none of the ugly scars that told entirely too many stories.

He found Bucky to be the beautiful one here and he gazed up at him with heat and attraction and a surety that this was real and it was good and even if it wasn't entirely conventional, it didn't matter.

God... He wanted him.

"You're going to have to try real hard to win me over. My heart's set on that other guy."

There was something so very honest about Steve, as if nobody with those eyes could ever tell a lie. Which was stupid, everybody lied sometimes, but he just seemed so open and like every emotion crossed his face without any boundaries on it being appropriate or not. To be looked at with that heat... it was amazing, it was something that he never thought he'd have again after the war.

"Forget him, he sounds like a jerk."

He bent his head and pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of Steve's lips, and then another and another in between his words.

"He's not even here. You snooze you lose, buddy, you need to move on and find someone else."

It was hard to really concentrate and to play the game when Bucky took his breath away like that and so the best Steve could come up with as a retort between lips being pressed to his was that: "I think you two would get along, actually." After that, he took as much command as his five foot, four inch body would allow him and tugged Bucky into a kiss much better than the few light pecks pressed to his mouth. That was a tease. This was passion.

Sure, it was too fast and too heavy for the both of them. Bucky should have focused on himself. Steve was never quick about anything and still inexperienced. If Bucky wanted a lover, there were a thousand better people to choose!

Steve just decided that he wasn't letter go. It felt right to back them up so that Bucky and he collapsed against the couch-mode futon. He had no intention of going too far but surely this whole thing called for a lot of making out, right?

That's what they had been doing right around the time that Nat pulled him away anyhow!

It was almost midnight. The air was cold. Christmas lights dazzled across the city. But all Steve wanted was the man he hoped he could help put back together because Bucky was so, so special.

A whole load of making out sounded good to Bucky. He had never expected to find someone who looked at him with such desire in his eyes, especially not someone like Steve who should have a million and ones guys and girls falling over themselves to ask him out and treat him right. But he wasn't complaining, especially not when Steve toppled them onto the futon together.

He wound his arm around Steve's slender waist to hold him close, just savouring the kisses without needing to progress to anything more. He had already mentally decided that he was going to let Steve set the pace for their physical relationship anyway, he didn't want to force the man to be okay with getting naked with all those scars, so... it was all on what Steve wanted.

By the time he came up for air, his lips and cheeks were red and his eyes were much darker with desire, curled up in a proper smile for once.

"Seriously, Rogers, that other guy... dump his ass, date me, I'll be a good boyfriend."

"Are you asking me out then, Buck?" They probably should unfold the futon. As much as Steve liked being curled around Bucky like this, limbs entwined, he figured that if he had an asthma attack in the middle of the night, he wanted to at least attempt to not wake Bucky up. "Because if you are, I'm going to say yes. You're a much better kisser and that guy told me to lie to my best friend about how he made my toes curl. You actually did."

Half an hour later, with the windows fogged from the temperature that Steve kept the place and with snow falling outside, not wet enough to actually stick to the pavement, Steve convinced his friend to pull out the futon with him. And convinced him to take off that stupid prosthesis to sleep because, honestly, it probably needed to be refitted anyway so that it would stop hurting so much, and, once all that was done, he stripped down to his undershirt and boxers and climbed into a proper bed for the first time in who knew how long.

He never had trouble stretching out before. But stretching out next to someone else? That was nice.

Bucky let himself be bullied into getting up and pull out the futon, and then to getting his prosthetic off, though he refused to strip down much more than that. He stayed in his long sleeve t-shirt to hide the scars, but he went down to his boxers, and then slipped in beside Steve.

It was more comforting than he thought it would be, hearing someone else breathe next to him and feeling the warm weight of a body against his own. Damn, but he was already falling too far and too fast. That was a problem for another time.

He slept pretty damn well that night, even sleeping through Steve's alarm that told him he had to be up to go into the tattoo studio, and a message from his boss telling him that they were already rammed with idiots wanting tattoos for Christmas. Bucky had somehow shifted onto his stomach in the night, his one arm splayed out over Steve's hips and his legs splayed like a starfish.

Trying to get out from under his bedmate was impossible. Steve squirmed and wriggled and laid still to pant for a long time before he managed to find an escape route. He slipped a pillow under Bucky's leg so it wouldn't rouse him too much and then showered and dressed quickly so he could dash off to work.

He, however, leave a note to his boyfriend (oh god!) reminding him to eat something with a picture of that bounty hunter character eating cereal shaped like bullets.

It was a long day. A very long. A longer than long day. By lunch, Steve had mostly just designed lettering patterns and a rosebud (that looked exactly like the one in the catalogue), and took a break to pee and to check his phone.

If Bucky hasn't texted, he'd ask him for a picture of his smiling face. He missed him.

Bucky hadn't woken up feeling so relaxed in months. Even the fact that his mother was probably out there crying to herself, or that his sister might even now be hunting him down, didn't penetrate his good mood. He had slept well, the bed was still warm from Steve when he woke up, and the whole place just smelled comforting. Like paints and charcoals and Steve.

When he received the request for a picture of his smiling face, he sent back a picture of him holding up a sheet of paper in front of his face on which he had drawn a bad cartoon copy of the smiling emoji.

FROM: Bucky Barnes
TO: Steve Rogers

Better? Work kicking your butt, huh? How many hearts with the word MOM in have you designed today? Such artistic vision! BTW Nat pushed a note under your door saying Christmas dinner is at hers tomorrow. Is that right? Was going to cook you many ball shaped things, but won't if you're going to hers.

Still laughing over the picture when the text came in, Steve cursed a little (it was a quick and soft 'damn.' Nothing too scandalous) and hit the dial button. He didn't have time for a lot of back and forth. There was a giggling girl with a dozen of her friends trying to design a really 'special' tramp stamp with the word Bitch in it, hidden so only she would know what it said, waiting on him.

And Bucky was going to g et an earful as soon as he picked up too.

"I'm sorry, I was blackmailed. She told me I wasn't allowed to argue with her about going to Thor's but I argued anyway and then talked her into having dinner at her place but all cooking had to be done at mine-- I want to spend tomorrow with you. I thought it would be better if we stayed home. Like. We can escape if we need to? Don't be mad!"

"Whoa, whoa-- slow down, Steve, I'm not mad."

Bucky sounded sort of bemused by the sudden torrent of words. It was true, he hadn't been mad, though he had been disappointed. He had told himself that was stupid, though, because he didn't own the monopoly on Steve and it wasn't fair to think that he wouldn't want to spend Christmas with his friends. But the reassurance did help.

"It's-- It means a lot that you reorganised so I could be there, and I can try and go to her place. I'll even help you cook. Maybe not tater tots and meatballs, okay?"

This guy was amazing. He had really tried to include Bucky in his plans, and that made a warmth spread in his chest.

"Whoa let's not go nuts," Steve said in his best scowling voice. "I mean, we need ball shaped items in our diets. I thought you knew me, Buck? I really thought you knew me. If you're going to be my date to this thing, I require the presence of at least two ball shaped items."

And thus he put his foot down, stating that this wasn't up for discussion, that he'd be home in about four hours and that Bucky needn't bother to put his pants on if he didn't want to. That last bit was what caused Steve to hang up quickly, pressing his face against his wrists like he'd just said the most horrible thing ever.

Mickey watched him slump back into his seat, though he perked up when the girls came over, each deciding that they wanted a tattoo and two of them fighting over who was going to get SEXY 'hidden' in the ink.

Steve had his work cut out for him. Especially when none of the girls actually wanted the image the be unreadable. In fact, at the end of his multiple consultations, they all decided on simple lettering with matching hearts and stars as a border.

It was insane. He hoped their mothers never knew.

After participating in the photoshoot for Instagram, he managed to get one meaningful commission, which would end up lasting several sessions, before he collected his tips and headed back out into the cold.

He had some Christmas shopping to do first. Bad idea. Everyone in New York was also doing Christmas shopping and so by the time he got home, he was sniffling and laden with bags and hoping Bucky was upstairs so he could wrap.

Bucky had spent the rest of his day seeing absolutely nobody. He tried to convince himself to go out and get a Christmas present for Steve, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it, so he ended up doing some things around Steve's apartment before heading upstairs to tear through his belongings in search of something he could wrap and present to Steve the next day.

Which meant that he wasn't there when Steve came in.

But the heating was on, there was a plate of cheese balls and bread rolls with a little note that said: AN OFFERING OF BALL SHAPED ITEMS TO APPEASE YOU. But otherwise Steve would be left alone to wrap and fall into bed alone, unless he chose to come up and spend the remainder of Christmas Eve with Bucky.

If not, he'd be woken the next morning by a knocking on his door. Which might just be Natasha and Thor in the world's most hideous Christmas sweaters.

Though Steve didn't go upstairs to spend time with Bucky, he did text him most of the evening before falling asleep with his phone on his pillow, mid text. He didn't wake up until the insistent pounding on his front door shook him from his dreams. He was groggy and in his eagle sweater when he pulled open the door and immediately lifted a hand over his eyes. "Holy crap you guys! It's so bright! Aah!"

The pair at the door were grinning and Thor had a small tree and some presents in his arms, a stupidly pleasant grin on his face. "Your boyfriend is also here?" he asked and Steve blinked at Natalia and her big mouth. She just grinned and shoved a cookie into his mouth.

It was awful. She was not a baker. "Nat! Jeez! These are-- how are these so salty?! Bucky is upstairs! Go torture him!"

"There is little need," said a voice from behind the pair, Loren visible only once Thor had moved out of the way. He had managed to avoid the terrible sweater competition, though he did carry a small pile of presents, and a look in his eyes that warned Steve not to mention to Thor anything about his boyfriend. He had no idea that Steve had already told Natalia. "He is here now."

"Observant."

Bucky poked his head around the door, a smile at his lips but a slightly tense set to his shoulders that said this many people wasn't relaxing. He wore a nice blue shirt and dress pants, because his Ma had always taught him to dress up for Christmas, and carried a little bag in his real hand.

"Looks like the party started early, huh?"

"What time is it?" Steve asked, rubbing his eyes as he looked around at his friends. And the boyfriend of one of his friends. And his brother. What a really weird day. He held that horrible cookie in one hand and then stood back to let everyone in.

It was a good thing that he was clean. Everything was near in his apartment, minus his bedroom. He'd left the futon unfolded, left wrapping papers scraps all over the place, and left his sheets a terrible mess. He was a bit of a mess too.

His hair was everywhere. His sweater was pulled down over one shoulder. He was in his boxers--

Thor glanced at his phone (how?! His hands were so full!) and mentioned that it was just after ten.

"In the morning? Seriously? You guys...!" It was a good thing that Bucky was here. "Well Merry Christmas-- Thor, put that down wherever you want. Loren, is your friend? Is he coming?"

Loren smiled in a way that might seem easy and bright to anyone else, his response perfectly pleasant, but there was a warning behind his eyes. For he had not only not told Thor that he was gay and had a boyfriend, but he might have had a short but vicious argument with Tony about their Christmas arrangements the night before.

"I have many friends, but I am certain all of them have their own plans this day. Perhaps you would do well to put on some trousers?"

Bucky skirted around the throng of people and wound his arm around Steve's shoulders, the little bag bumping against Steve's chest where it was still clenched in his hand, not at all ashamed of their new status as possible-sort-of-boyfriends.

"You know what, maybe that's a good idea. C'mon, Steve, I'll help you pick out something to wear."

Steve took the bag before Bucky crushed whatever was inside of it and scooted out from under his arm to hug Natalia tightly and whisper in her ear that the party was supposed to be at her apartment, not his. "How about I pick something out myself to wear. Bucky can stay here to help me with packages and we'll be right over?"

Tutor laughed in what could only be described as Mightily. "Had Loren any true friends, they would surely be welcome, but yes, let us return to your couch and discuss a new Christmas tradition of wearing undergarments only to dinner!" His accent was already thick enough to make Steve believe that they had already broken into the egg nog.

Good. That would make for a fun breakfast at least!

He ushered all three into the hallway as Thor told Loren that he surely jested, knew his brother was capable of friendship, just that he was more happy being alone so he ought to stop glaring. Steve shut the door behind them before grinning over his shoulder at Bucky.

"I think Loren's in the closet!"

Loren bickered with Thor that his idea of friendship was meeting someone over beer and immediately becoming the best of friends, and that he had a slightly more discerning and sensible view of friendship. But he allowed himself to be ushered along with his brother and his brother's girlfriend, who had hugged Steve back tightly and told him to hurry up because she wanted her present.

Left alone, Bucky grinned at Steve and plucked the bag right up again from wherever Steve had put it, giving him a mock scowl.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to snatch your presents before you're given them?"

It was a stupid present, just one of his old things, but hopefully Steve would understand and not mind all the same.

"And if he's in the closet, then he must have a reason why. Maybe Thor isn't big on same sex couples, but he's too polite to say it around us?"

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