fossilised | It's AU time

It's AU time

Building 64 down in the East end of Brooklyn was not a fashionable place to live. The apartments were small, barely more than studio size, and the rent was pretty cheap. Not many people lived there permanently, most people only came and stayed a year or two to get enough money together to move onto somewhere better. But there were two residents who had been there a while.

Steven Grant Rogers, early twenties, who earned his rent doing tattoo designs part time to fund his college course, and occasionally dipped his toe into online art commissions. He'd moved in there when his mother had died four years previously, leaving him enough money to get by, but not enough that he could stop working. And right across the hall was Natalia Romanova, an aspiring ballerina from Russia. She was tough as hell, she had worked herself right through high school, paid her own way to America when she didn't even speak the language, and kept going through tenacity alone.

Somehow a friendship had struck up between them when Steve had been the first person not to look at her like she was an idiot or disgusting for not speaking the language. He'd helped her learn, and they'd been firm friends for the last three years. Everyone else was transient, coming and going, not really making an impact. Natalia had friends and a boyfriend outside of the apartment, but she sometimes worried that Steve never seemed to do anything but work and study.

Which was probably why he would be in his apartment when a loud crash sounded on the stairs outside. Said crash had come from a box of (now very broken) plates and bowls being dropped by the man just moving in to the apartment directly above Steve's, judging by the amount of cardboard boxes that were littering the hallway. He was tall, muscled, dressed in faded jeans and a hoodie with long slightly scruffy hair, leather gloves, and deep blue eyes.

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Bruce had no idea what was going on, but this was genuinely medically impossible and so he would go all the way to India, let alone just to Tony and Loren's apartment, to find out the truth of what had happened. He at least had the presence of mind to stay quiet, even if he burned with curiosity. If there was one thing that Bruce Banner was exceptional at, it was patience.

Loren grinned, wicked and excited, as he slipped into his clothes in an almost sensual way, making sure that Anthony got a show as he slowly covered each part of pale skin until he could wind his arm around Anthony in return.

"Let us leave here, I wish never to set foot inside a hospital again."

Steve was still in the garage when the door went up and Tony guided his bike back into the spot along the wall. There were a few new orders pinned to the walls, the work was steadily increasing, but Rhodey and Pepper were handling things fine for now. The sun had set and Loren was a warm spot on his back. That was all be cared about.

Tony tossed the keys to the bike into a lockbox on the wall before he guided Loren towards the stairs. "Rogers," he called, "I need the place for sex. Don't come up stairs for at least two hours unless you like to watch." He picked Loren up, tall but thin, and carted him right up the metal stairs to their home, settled on the second and third floor over the garage.

Clothes that had been so carefully slipped on were now ripped off as Tony struggled out of his own clothes and tried to touch Loren all at the same time. The dance was not at all graceful.

It probably left Steve feeling a little lonely. Everyone here was so normal. No super powers. Now great burdens on their shoulders. Just love and need and togetherness.

He felt the most lonely when he had seen Bucky pursue Steve into the kitchen and embrace him in that easy way that spoke of affection and love. It made his heart ache for the easy way that Bucky used to swing his arm around Steve's shoulders, or muss his hair, or just bump up against him. Even though they're married, his Bucky now is so careful and always so aware of his own space. His touches are deliberate, telegraphed, and cautious. He loves Bucky, he'll love him no matter what, but his heart aches for this piece of what he'll never get back.

So he throws himself into working on the bikes and cars for another few hours, giving it three to be on the safe side, before he tramped upstairs. Tired, aching, and covered in oil, he looked like a wet dream from a mechanic calendar pin-up.

"Excuse me?"

He knocked at the door politely, already wishing he could be back in his own world where he belonged, where he wasn't an outside.

"Can I come in and use your shower, please?"

It was a good thing that Tony was satisfied because every single time he looked at this version of Steve Rogers, he was pretty sure he was going to break his gay for Loren only rule. Men weren't supposed to look that good. Except for Loren, of course. And the two couldn't be more different. That was the craziest part. Steve was not his type. And yet... He sort of was.

Loren was out in the balcony upstairs with his coffee looking over the river so Tony was alone, wearing a robe that looked a little retro, almost like a smoking jacket. He stood aside to let Steve in and then sort of followed him to the bathroom, under the guise of directing him to the guest room on this level of the house.

"So question. You said something back in Steve's apartment... About you and Bucky always finding each other. So how many other worlds have you been to? And was there ever a version of me that was a cat person?" He was curious! And he always wanted a tail.

"I've not been to any other worlds, not really, but I've seen a few and read about a few more. These rips have been happening more and more, so it's something that we've had to look into a fair amount."

The reason for asking, however, that was a weird one. Not that Tony was ever fully normal in any reality, Steve didn't think that he would ever get his jokes properly even if he lived for another ninety years and spent that time doing nothing but analysing Tony's speech patterns.

"Uh-- I don't know if you were ever a cat person. I guess you must have owned cats in some reality; why, do you really like them? Is this apartment not for pets in the lease?"

"No. No. Like. A person. Who is a cat." He put his hands on his hand to mimic ears. "Like, is there a reality where everyone is a bipedal cat? I just want to know if Japan got some things right." Or Doctor Who for that matter, though the cat people in Doctor Who were another species that were just capable of interbreeding with humans and having kittens so... It was all very confusing and interesting.

Tony leaned against the doorway of the room he had given to Steve. He didn't correct him about the lease (since he owned the garage and the apartment on top of it). He kind of did want a cat but he was pretty sure that Loren would find a way to get rid of it. Loren was the most territorial man he knew and sharing a space with another living thing that could take any part of his affection was a no go.

"Oh well. Anyway, what did you guys do to break apart reality? More aliens? Evil mad genius?"

And that was actually sort of funny. Since Tony did pretty much count as the evil mad genius that helped to break the universe.

Steve did not want to tell this Tony that his counterpart had accidentally helped rip open spaces between worlds. Not that it would have been the only terrible mistake that Tony had made, the man seemed to blunder into potential world ending disasters on a worryingly regular basis, though his intentions were usually good.

"I really don't think I should talk about it. All you need to know is that we need all of you in the right place to help close the rift, and then you can go about your lives as you were before."

Or maybe not exactly like, because now they were aware that other worlds and aliens existed, and that tended to change a person.

"It's probably safer to tell you about your daughter and husband and all that stuff instead, if you absolutely have to know something."

Poor Steve, he was too keen not to be an asshole that he couldn't quite say no altogether.

Husband got Tony's attention. "But I'm not-- Hang on. So I'm not with Loren. But I'm with another man? I'm not gay. That's not me. I'm not going to say that Loren is the first guy I've slept with but he's the only man I think I could actually love. What's my husband's name? And did we adopt or is she like... From a woman I wasn't careful with?"

Rogers had just popped open a can of worms. Tony wanted to know all about the version of him that Steve was friends with.

"Or... Me and you-- did we ever hook up?" Maybe he was gay in that other world. It could happen. He didn't feel like he was born gay this time he just happened to fall in love with Loren. That was different. He was sticking to his assessment of that. "Oh shit. Are we like three way married with Bucky?"

His imagination was running rampant.

Oh... God.

Steve had faced down Nazis single-handedly, he had jumped from a plane without a parachute, and he had gone toe-to-toe with his brainwashed best friend. But he looked genuinely scared as Tony got hold of the line of questioning and ran with it, he knew from experience that there were few things more persistent than a Stark with a burning need to know something.

"Us?" It was a little strangled. "That's-- not where I'm from, we're just friends, Tony. Good friends. You're married to Dr. Banner, and you adopted your daughter, as far as I know she's not directly related to either of you."

Please let this be over.

Please let the rift open again and swallow him whole.

Tony had two diverging thoughts here and both competed with each other for attention. "What?" He found it strange that he and Banner would have anything sexual because they both preferred women over men (and Banner didn't look like the type to even dabble with homosexuality). He also was a little disappointed that he didn't get to lick the abs he saw rippling under the sweat drenched shirt Steve was wearing.

Hormones and attraction levels were very confusing for Tony and he seemed to be working his way around some questions here.

"So you've read about realities where you and I are together then?" Steve had made it pretty clear in his word choice that it happened, but not where he was from. "And... I have an adopted kid. With Banner. Bruce Banner. Guy about this high," Tony's own height, actually, "and probably enough body hair to choke a lawnmower? Seriously? What do we even have in common other than that he patches me up when I hurt myself?"

Steve did not want to think about Bruce's body hair, though he had seen it more than once thanks to the nakedness after Hulking out, and he also didn't want to think about Tony being with him. It wasn't that he didn't like Tony, he did, but as a friend and the idea of doing anything with him was just... weird.

"Wait, Bruce is an actual doctor here?"

That sounded rude.

"I mean-- he's got some medical training where I'm from, but he's a doctor of physics primarily. You two bonded over being the two smartest people in any given room, it's a little annoying sometimes."

There was a little crease down the center of Tony's forehead as Steve spoke, which only seemed to deep as he thought about it. "He's a surgeon. A fucking good one. He does these nice and tiny little stitches so that you can barely see the scars." And Tony had a lot of scars from his own experiments and from the whole cutting corners and adding nitro engines to cars thing he played with on the side. "How do you go from a surgeon to a physicist and..."

Okay, so the whole genius thing bothered him. His dad always called him a good for nothing for going into mechanics. He said he wasted himself coming out of MIT by not going into tech. Tony argued that he was in technology, that he was primed for when electric and self running cars came on the scene and he boasted that he was the guy that people who owned Teslas came to because they trusted him more than the dealers.

"So what do I do where you're from to make me so smart? I do physics too?" He looked bristled already waiting for the answer.

Steve had no idea what the bristling was about, he didn't know this Tony and he had no idea where the danger zones were as he did with his own friend. Issues with his dad seemed to be a good guess, it seemed like Howard was never a good dad no matter what reality he was in. A shame, because Steve had liked him as a friend, but he wasn't going to defend the man's bad parenting because of it.

"Well-- you're an inventor, I guess. Mostly robotics, but you do all sorts. You're working on clean energy at the moment, I think, but you've always got a lot of projects on the go."

That wasn't too bad a descriptor, right? No mention of the weapons he used to make, and the deaths he used to indirectly cause.

"You're famous for being Iron Man, pretty much the first public figure superhero. You built this armoured suit that can fly and fire repulsors and all sorts, you use it to help protect the world."

Tony always thought he was happy. He was well off. Money wasn't much of an issue. His business was booming. He had someone he loved. But he wasn't famous. He wasn't an inventor. He wasn't the smartest guy in the room. He was in love with a fellow entrepreneur and business owner, not a doctor who shared his interests. He probably would never have children. Loren wasn't willing to share anything or anyone.

He didn't really save people. He wasn't a superhero. And why? Because he did what he wanted instead of doing what his father wanted? There was a cutting disappointment in Tony's eyes before he turned to put his profile to Strve. It took a lot of effort to keep his face tilted up instead of down and his shoulders were a mess of knots.

"Well, all I do here is fix cars so I hope that's enough to help my better self figure out how to save this world too. Enjoy your shower. There should be towels in the basket beside the tub." He didn't need Steve to make him feel better about himself. He couldn't. He needed to figure out a few things. Any Tony Stark, when properly motivated by feelings of inadequacy, was a scary thing.

Okay... so apparently he had said the wrong thing even while trying not to put his foot in it. Good, excellent. Steve sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, really wishing that things could be simple for once in his life.

"There's nothing wrong with fixing cars, and I never said the Tony that I knew was better. He's just different, that's all. But our worlds are different, you don't have superheroes here, you don't have aliens invading and secret government organisations who create human weapons."

He was warming to his theme now, earnest and sincere with every fibre of his being, practically radiating Captain America goodness.

"You have someone who loves you and a job you enjoy, why is that a bad thing? Maybe you'll have a family with Loki-- Loren one day, I've seen him as a Mom and he's good. He actually loves his kids. So what, you're not Iron Man? Big deal."

"No one is Iron Man. It's the name of a song." About a dark hero and destruction. Why would someone pick that name as their moniker? Well, it wasn't for Tony to really decide on right now. And Steve's attempt to make him feel better about himself really didn't. At all.

He did thank Steve for the (condescending) pep talk and shut the door behind himself to head upstairs to where Loren was seated on the balcony, still, in a lighter than usual coat. He never felt the cold the same way as everyone else. But then, neither did Thor. Snow and ice was evidently in their bones.

"Hey, come inside. You might not be freezing, but I am," Tony said, mind whirling about possibilities that could have and would never be.

Steve said that there weren't aliens or secret government organizations here but Tony knew better. There were, the world just hadn't been made aware of them yet.

It was strange to think about a family and about having a worthwhile life and to suddenly no longer feel like he did have the chance at either. Steve should have kept his mouth shut, Tony thought as he folded Loren up in his arms and tried to force himself to feel a spark of contentment.

Steve felt like a heel as Tony went upstairs, but he had no idea what he could have said or done differently to make it better. Tony was Tony, and he should be content with who he was now instead of trying to be something and someone else. Steve was always happy with who he was, he could be happy wherever and whenever as long as he had his friends around him.

Loren obligingly came back inside and wound his arms around Anthony in return. He had a small frown at his brow, he may not be the most attentive, but he was very perceptive especially when it came to Anthony.

"What is it, my Anthony?"

He could afford to listen and commiserate with everything good that had been done for him this day.

He couldn’t talk to Loren about his true troubles. Tony wasn’t an idiot. Telling Loren how he felt like he had wasted his life would make all of that good turn into bitterness. Tony wasn’t in the habit of doing that to a person he loved, and still loved. He just knew his own demons. And he knew his own weaknesses. This happened to be both here. “If this can’t be fixed, we’re screwed,” Tony said in response, because it wasn’t a lie and it also glossed over his own feelings. Good, perfect even. “And I kind of wish that none of this had ever happened. I’m pissed off, you know? Let us mess ourselves up, don’t go running around poking holes in the fabric of our own space-time. And shit, I don’t know either Steve that well, but the Steve we spent Christmas with must be having a major complex. It just bugs me.”

The truth was that Steve was not having a complex. He wasn’t jealous of himself. He was content with his life, he always had been, and though he had been worried that Bucky would want a bigger, stronger version of him, knowing that he was still loved was enough to settle him back down to being fine with the status quo.

Tony was different. His complexes were farther reaching.

“And no offense, but that other you was an asshole. So… I don’t really trust him.”

"Many people believe me to be an asshole as well."

Loren did not believe that was all of it. He knew Anthony better almost than he knew Thor, he knew the way his mind could be his own worst enemy and he knew that he was being lied to now. But to push would only end in an argument and the digging in of heels, he must make Anthony wish to tell him.

"And perhaps they are not wrong. I do not care for many people within this world, but you have brought out a better side to me. I believe we shall have a good life together, you and I, regardless of other worlds."

That was about as far as he could go with sentiment and still stay serious, for those were true feelings even if he did not voice them often.

"You have heard something about your other self which hurts you."

Loren was now, and always, entirely too astute. Tony groaned into dark hair and then laughed, already feeling more comfortable just by having someone else break the ice on the matter. “Evidently you missed out. You could have been with a genius version of me who flies around in power armor and saves the world on a regular basis.” That was the jist of the issue, if not the underlying cause. There was no way that Tony was just going to spill his guts about everything. Not even to Loren. He tended to keep all of his troubles to himself.

And that was true across the board in all version of the man. He was maddeningly willing to suffer alone and in silence with periods of being an asshole and acting out to deflect away from the cause of his unhappiness.

Being with him was maddening.

“What do you think about kids?” And there. That deflection. As promised.

"Do not be a fool, Anthony, why should I care what any other version of us does with their life? I care what you or I do, nothing else should matter, they are only us in name and perhaps face."

He certainly didn't want an Anthony who saved the world on a regular basis, he sounded far too altruistic for Loren's tastes. He wanted his mechanic who shared his selfish biases and loved him and only him. Which might make the issue of children a slightly thorny one.

"We are not yet wed, we have only been promised to one another for a few days, do you not think that is a premature question?"

Loren wasn't ruling the idea out. A part of him wanted something else that would love him unconditionally, but nor was he wildly enthusiastic. He knew firsthand how difficult adopted children could be, being one himself.

Though he’d never thought about kids at all, knowing that there was a version of him happily married with a daughter was nagging at him almost as much as finding out that the other man was a genius inventor who happened to be the leading contributor to green energy on the planet. What sort of money must that rake in? Too many thoughts and desires filling his head, Loren at least was able to at least help him address one problem.

Kids. Right.

“I’m not saying we’re going to start the adoption paperwork or looking for a surrogate tomorrow, Lore. I’m just-- Do you want them? Kids I mean.” The Loki from Steve’s reality evidently was a mother-- He wasn’t getting into that aspect of the tale right now either, it was too confusing. “Down the line. Eventually…”

It wouldn’t be a deal breaker…but Tony wondered if he could be a better dad down the road than his own was. And since Loren was adopted, did that make a difference to him too?

Loren knew Anthony well enough to know when a conversation could be diverted and when it was important, and apparently this was important to his fiance. So it would seem his other self had children and it had got Anthony feeling inadequate or concerned that he would not be able to achieve the same.

"I do not know," he said, though at least he was honest. "I have never considered myself a paternal person, but I do not hate children. I may wish to raise a child with you, in proof that we are both better than that which we come from."

Maybe not the most altruistic reason for adopting, but it was certainly a very Loren thing to think.

"You are concerned for the other Anthony has children with his Loren?"

Lying to Loren was like having to bite off his left arm, but telling the truth when his fiancé was vulnerable was not an option. So Tony laughed, as if trying to make it seem like this part didn’t bother him as much as it did. “It turns out that you’re the one with the gobs of children and I’m their shield-guardian…which I think is like an uncle and a god parent all rolled up into one. We aren’t together over there. Which is probably why you were such an ass to me in my dreams.”

He returned to slowly stroking his fingers along Loki’s bare shoulder, his eyes unfocused on the wall and his breathing a little more tempered than usual. He was trying not to let his emotion get the better of him but that was turning out to be a little easier said than done.

“Considering that you’re a different species…a Yoh-turn or something like that, it probably makes sense that you would marry someone else. I think you’d make a good dad anyway. You’d be strict and I’d be the fun one,” he teased.

They were not a couple. He stiffened in Anthony's arms, unable to wish to picture himself with someone else, nor Anthony with someone else either. He did not care if he were a different species, something which he would unpack later, he cared that he was not with the man he loved.

"You fear that we are not destined for happiness because we are not together in all realities," he said, his words quiet but sure. "You fear that I have another to love, and so do you, and you fear no longer finding contentment at my side."

If that was so, then Anthony may be about to break from him and he would not allow it to show how much that hurt. He would be cold and neutral and calm until he had dissolved their union, until he found himself alone.

"Is that so?"

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get your butt on plurk and tell me how things went yesterday <3

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