fossilised | Jotunheimr

Now this was the sort of thing that Tony often expected and despite wanting to get a good look at the others, he needed to act as damage control. His name helped, but his money did better than that. As Thor scrutinized him with Loki at his side and his friends watched on, taking all sorts of odd bets, Tony bought out the hotel bar, asked for the best available suite, handed over his credit card, and tried to speed the process up as much as he could without letting himself get stopped for selfies or autographs.

Not this time. His adoring fanbase could wait, and since this was England, they more or less kept their disappointment to themselves.

Thor added his latest glass (which he did not smash as the barkeep here seemed angry when he did it the first few times) to the collection on the bar and crossed his arms over his chest. “This ruler seems both weak and small. Are you correct on his status on this planet? They seem lawless and without many rules. Perhaps they are neither warriors nor seidr users.”

"They are neither, they place their value on trinkets and wealth, as Alfheim."

At least Midgard's commercialised way of thinking and running a realm was not so unusual to the Nine. Alfheim had many lauded warriors, but it chose its leaders based on master craftsmen, or those who had risen to make a lot of wealth through their business sense, theirs was a realm of commerce and creation.

"This is one of their craftsmen, a leader in one right, even if Midgard is split into many small freeholds and princedoms." At least that was what he believed. "Must we begin your lessons anew? A King does not look on a foreign dignitary and immediately question his worth, he should instead seek to learn about the place he comes from and why he is in the position he is in. Perhaps he too thinks you are a poor choice for an heir, puffed up like a bull ox in heat with just as little between your ears."

“But he remains soft!” The dwarven craftsmen at least looked the part. This man, in his strange clothing and his flamboyant carryings on looked like a child with a strange, incongruous beard, as if he could not grow it out properly. Loki had a point about being less judgmental, but Thor could not help himself. “He seems much like the initial guide brought to assist in my imprisonment,” he noted, nodding slowly, as if talking himself into warming up to this man called Stark. “You have yet to steer me into an incorrect pact and so you have my trust. If you say this man has worth and is a diplomat for his people, he must be.”

Thor let it go for now and strode to the man once he was left alone. He held out his hand to grap a forearm, but the Midgardian pressed their palms together after a small sigh and an eyeroll. Thor noted the hesitation, but was unsure if it was part of the strange gesture. Stark pulled back and Thor glanced at his palm, as if expecting to see something left behind.

“Let me guess-- Thor?”

The Asgardian Prince frowned. “Aye,” he said, giving the man a sort of side-eye. “And you are Stark. I need not guess. Prince Loki-fyri of Jotunheim has informed me of your name. What proper title should I address you?” See, Loki, he learns!

Tony smirked. “Just Stark is fine. Mr. if you’re nasty.”

“I assure you,” Thor said, “I am not ‘nasty.’ Nor are any of my companions.”

Loki was actually proud of Thor in that moment. Perhaps he did not have the swift wit that Loki himself had, but he was not as stupid as Loki made him out to be either, and he was willing to learn even in the face of looking absurd which was a huge mark in his favour and something not many rulers could do.

"None of us here wish to be 'nasty', we only wish to investigate the readings of seidr that have come from your realm."

"Aye," Fandral piped up with a grin. "And perhaps seduce some of your women if there's time."

"Please ignore him, he is a fool who thinks only with his genitals."

“You’re in good company here,” Tony said, hands in his pockets so that he didn’t have to do any more shaking. “An entire generation doesn’t have brains anywhere else.”

It made Fandral laugh and raise a glass to toast. In Tony’s head, he counted up the costs of the shots, of the beer, of the mess, and was glad that he didn’t have a limit to his credit card. This hotel might name a wing after him by the time this little meeting was over.

“How about we go somewhere a little less public?” A glance to Loki was accompanied by a smirk. “And we’ll walk this time.” He pulled out his phone, tapped on the screen with his thumb to start toe sequence to get one of his armors to him as quick as J could fly it out here, and strolled towards where the signage for the elevator directed him.

Voldstagg grabbed one of the tapped in kegs from under the bar, causing the whole thing to fizz and hiss under pressure, foam going everywhere.

He added a few thousand to his mental bill and thought about going back for the scotch before he saw the sole woman of the group take several bottles. It was a good thing he preferred blondes.

“So you guys are here sight seeing and magic hunting? Sounds exhausting. Try not to get the attention of the media, will you?”

Thor lightly nudged Loki aside. “He speaks gibberish.”

"I believe all Midgardians do, they have evolved their language to a state where even the All-Speak struggles to translate, do you not find it fascinating?" The scholar in Loki was greatly fascinated by this, he had never before had an issue understanding or being understood, even in the short time that he had been allowed to leave Jotunheim and travel to other realms again. "I fear that he might have a memory impairment, as I have explained to him why we have come here several times now."

It was worrying, and would be shaming, if the guide that he had found turned out to be mentally unsound. Had he not been clear enough that they sought something that emitted seidr in this realm?

"Humour him and come away from prying eyes, we may question him more then."

Loki allowed his hand to rest briefly but possessively on Thor's arm, just a light reminder of his presence and hopefully a way to keep the object of his plans thinking of him as a potential mate.

There was one method of truth seeking that Loki, growing up as he did, probably had never had to employ. Ask the same question and see what sorts of answers you get. He didn’t doubt that at least one of them had come looking for some magical item, but for all that Tony knew, magic was just another name for advanced technology. They could have teleported with a Star Trek like device and it could all have a very good, very scientific explanation. He wasn’t really to go all pagan on this. Having them all connected by basic electrical energy? Fine. That’s how electrons and therefore atoms and everything else worked. But magic? Big space trees? No. That, he was sure, was all a metaphor. And he needed them to focus here. And drill down.

Besides, even if Loki was looking for some big source of energy, whatever the form, the rest of these people looked like they were out of some late 90s or early 2000s band. They were more like frat boys (even the woman) than followers of mystical arts.

And he wanted to get their takes on the whole god and magic thing.

And that’s why he exclusively focused his chatter on Fandral until they reached the penthouse suite. Fandral managed to disappoint, though. His mind was double tracked between accompanying Thor, his prince, and having fun. Tony liked him, but he wasn’t interesting. As they explored the rooms and he tried to get Hogun alone, even was even more disappointed. The guy didn’t talk at all.

And that was why, when everyone was crowded in the bathroom around the rain shower, Tony smirked at L:oki and leaned towards him. “Your friends really are stupid. And I think you alone are on your quest. They all are here to get their party on.”

"You are mistaken."

Loki had watched as Stark made his way around the others in their little group, observing someone else like him who preferred to get the lay of the land and figure out everyone around them so that they could have the upper hand. That was interesting, he hadn't met many people like him in his life.

"The Warriors Three and Lady Sif are here only as protection for Prince Thor, they will go where he follows and do not have his share of the responsibility. He does not have the skill with finding seidr that I do, that is why I am here, they will show you that they have discipline when the time comes."

He hoped.

"I have felt this seidr once in the land where I found you, I believe that should be our first place to search."

Bemused, Tony didn’t ask Loki why he hadn’t just brought his friends with him the first time. He thought it best not to antagonize people who acted like kids and had bigger and better technology than he had. As much as he was amused about sassing Loki, too, he also really liked the guy. They barely knew each other but Tony believed himself a good enough judge of character to tell if he could trust someone or not.

Technically, he had a pretty shitty track record with that but he didn’t like to judge himself as much as he liked to judge others.

“Water from all sides! Midgard is glorious!” one of the idiots called out and Tony arched his eyebrows upwards at Loki.

“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on this one. The blond looks like he can handle himself but what do I know? All foreign princes like to have an entourage.”

Tony scratched the back of his neck and headed down towards the mini bar. Pepper would be yelling at him, kindly, right now but he needed his scotch.

“Is this some quest for the holy grail or are you still interested in sight seeing before we have to fight over you wanting to take something that you probably won’t be allowed to? I feel like we should go out. Enjoy ourselves. You know, before one of them accidental drowns in the bathroom and sparks an intergalactic war that we probably aren’t quite capable of winning.”

Humans were tenacious, though. Hardy. And they did love their revenge.

"I am interested in seeing all you have to offer."

Loki's reply was innocent enough and delivered in a tone that suggested he was merely curious about this new realm, but his eyes were hungry and intense. He intended to learn all he could about every realm and then use that knowledge to create a more unified Nine where Jotunheim held its rightful place. When he was Loki-King of Jotunheim and All-Mother of Asgard, he would make sure his was a time remembered for generations as wondrous.

"I would greatly like to see as much as we can before we must leave, though I am afraid that the removal of the object that creates so much power is not a negotiation. Midgard is not a realm designed for the containment of such objects."

But Jotunheim was.

“Let’s not ruin our friendship just yet,” Tony said, putting a pin in it. Maybe aliens just really liked chocolate. Maybe they would want to take the Hope Diamond or blast a pyramid. It didn’t have to be a big loss to the world, but Tony had already been sworn to defend Earth and he was going to keep his word. Even if one guy against six aliens might get a little dicey.

He just kept drinking. That made everything better.

“How about we discuss strip clubs—“ He was interrupted by Thor, soaking wet, striding over to their little gathering.

He looked like a well intentioned, fun loving idiot. The kind of guy that usually stuffed him into lockers and then apologized back when he was at Grantchester Academy.

“Loki! Join us! Midgard holds wonders!”

“It’s a shower,” Tony rolled his eyes. “Don’t you have them? Probably not, judging by the smell.” Thor lifted an arm to sniff at it.

Loki rippled where he sat and his form changed to that of a woman, still unmistakable as Loki, but more slender with distinctive curves and a softer jawline. She did not seem to notice the shift, mostly because she hadn't intended it. She still struggled with the two genders and in seeing herself only in one, so it was only natural that she might shift at some point.

Thor would likely understand, the others might not.

"You have seen bathing pools before, what is so magical about the ones here on Midgard? Is this some jest that you are attempting on me, Odinson?"

Thor paid little attention to Loki’s shift. He wasn’t surprised at all, acting as if he hadn’t even noticed, but Tony Stark absolutely noticed. He blinked at Loki, leaned in close, narrowed his eyes and then crossed his arms over his chest. “You could have led with this,” he said. “Your slip is showing.”

The Asgardian prince ignored him. As far as Thor was concerned, he had but one Guide. And though Loki’s obligation to him had ended years ago, simply being around him was enough for him to fall back into those patterns. “Their bathing chambers are far different from any I have seen.”

He offered his hand to Loki, eyes earnest and amused and perhaps a tad jealous of the yappy, small leader that Loki had chosen to show them around.

Thor was not often possessive but Loki had done much, wearing still the tear of the Valkyrie in her hair, to foster this out of character feeling.

Loki wanted to foster that small flame of jealousy. Thor was so generous and open to all, that it made it seem natural for him to share all he had with the people around him - other friends, wealth, strength. Loki wanted him to be possessive enough not to want to share, or be shared in return, he would not suffer the indignity of an open marriage of the sort that Aesir enjoyed.

So she deliberately offered a smile to Stark even as she took hold of Thor's hand and let herself be hauled up and towards the bathrooms.

"Pray tell, what should I have led with?"

She still hadn't noticed her own change, it was so insignificant to her.

As Stark made a vague gesture to Loki’s upper body and Fandral, who had peeked out to see where Thor went, gawked, the prince continued to seem nonplussed. “You have become more fair. I believe the Guide approves.” Which was very narrow of the Midgardian. And Fandral, but Thor had already set out to dislike Stark and Fandral was a very close friend of his. It went against his lessons to treat others differently, but he decided not to speak to it so he would not be reprimanded.

“You did say you were a shapeshifter,” Stark said, drink in hand and following along where Thor did not want him, “and I like this shape.”

“Loki-fyri has many pleasing shapes,” Thor said, giving Stark a stare that led the mortal to throwing up one hand, palm out, in a half-hearted form of supplication. Thor did not agree with the way Stark seemed to make everything a joke. Did Midgardians all feel such a way? It seemed to be true, save for Strange, who mostly seemed annoyed.

“Aye, Thor,” Fandral grinned, “but this one is better than most.” He offered Loki his hand, even if Thor looked like he might claw at him for a moment until the prince reigned himself in.

Loki looked down at herself as she considered what move to take next. She could make Thor more jealous by flirting with both Stark and Fandral, by accentuating the feminine that they clearly saw and liked. But it felt wrong. She had lit the spark of jealousy, but she also wanted to reward Thor for behaviour that was pleasing to her, and so she curled her fingers tighter around his and ignored Fandral's outstretched hand.

"You are both fools if you think this form more pleasing than my other, it is the same in my eyes and it seems only Thor has the wisdom to see that."

She offered him a smile that was genuine. She imagined it must be harder to see past the gender line in a species that had separate genders, but he was doing admirably and she wanted to be pleasing no matter the skin she wore.

"Come, show me these Midgardian wonders of bathing, hopefully when we return there will be less leering over the meaningless shape of flesh."

Despite his reputation, Tony wasn’t planning on flirting more than usual with anyone. Not even a shapeshifting, gender neutral alien prince(ss). He was very happy with Pepper Potts and eventually, when the time was right, he was going to marry her. He didn’t intend for anyone to get in the way of that. Not even people with naturally blue skin who could teleport. Even if it was tempting. Fandral, too, wasn’t seriously considering a romance with a Jotun either. He might have a similar reputation to Stark but he had his own morals to follow too.

And that was fine with Thor, who had quieted down the jealousy in his heart when it was obvious that Loki intended to lavish attention upon him alone.

Now Sif might not be so happy….but she did step aside for her prince to demonstrate the spa shower to the other prince for a much longer than appropriate time. She would discuss his propriety later…when Loki stopped looking like a beautiful Aesir in a well fitted Midgardian suit.

After the marvels of human plumbing had been thoroughly experienced, Tony had J project a map of New York on the wall and outlined a few interesting places to go. He wasn’t much of a planner, but he had four unruly prince-guards, one bull-like prince and an interesting shapeshifter to mind for who knew how long until they had to fight over some intergalactic power source. And that did require plans.

“So we have the usual tourist traps. Statue of Liberty, Central Park—”

“No trap can contain me!” Thor said, and Volstagg made some sort of huff of agreement that Tony found even more annoying than the boast. He rolled his eyes.

“Great. Perfect. Figure of speech, all right. It’s not really a trap. It’s just popular with people from out of town. And it’s boring. Why don’t you tell me the stuff you like to do and I’ll find a way to babysit you.”

Loki had made sure that their time in this miniature waterfall included intimacy, reminders of why Thor should desire her and why she would be the best choice for All-Mother, though of course she said all of these things with action and not word. It was important that Thor not know that he was being manipulated into this. When he did finally emerge from the shower, it would be in male form again to look at the traps that Stark proposed to take them to.

"I have told you time and again why we are here, and it is not for jollity."

Honestly, do Midgardians have such a faulty memory?

"Perhaps if this goes well and we cause no incidents, the ways may be opened for more pleasurable visits to your realms, but we must fulfil only the orders of the All-Father this first time. The seidr I felt was here."

He pointed at a section on the map fairly near New York, where Tony might know that SHIELD had a base, or he might not if he hadn't been listening to Coulson that much.

Tony looked annoyed, especially when Thor leaned right through his line of sight to examine the map on the wall. He found the tapestry, made of light, to be truly remarkable, a feat he had not expected from Midgard and one not often used by Asgard simply because their preferences often allied to the tactile rather than the visual. And that was why, in the personal bathing waterfall, Thor had been unable to do much but think of Loki, of their time in the waters just prior to his celebration, and of how nice it was to be touched by him.

“I thought we could have some fun before we decided to raid a government agency,” he muttered. In Tony’s defense, he tended to shirk duty for anything not duty related. He liked to work, but only on his own terms.

And that was a SHIELD branch. He knew it the same way he had known where Banner was the last two years (in Mumbai, in case anyone was looking for him). Tony made it his business to know these things. And business was good.

“But I guess bothering SHIELD can be considered fun, too. I’m going with you. And just you,” he pointed at Loki. “Everyone else can stay in my Tower.”

"How is it that you can bother a shield?"

Shields were inanimate and rarely held any magic of worth, they tended to be limited to basic defensive spells if they were even ensorcelled at all. No, what he had sensed and what the All-Father had sent them here for was something far greater, something that had the echoes of the Casket about it.

"We will not stay behind," that was Sif, finally speaking up with annoyance at the small and confusing mortal that the Jotnar had introduced to them. "Thor is the leader of this mission; if anything, Prince Loki should remain behind now that his work in finding the artefact is done."

She wanted to get Thor away from that Jotnar and speak to him about propriety, about keeping the Giants at a distance.

Tony stepped back, letting Thor stay where he was as he attempted to keep his own eyerolling to a minimum. “SHIELD stands for a bunch of words that are too long to remember. It’s just the name of a group of idiots doing potentially illegal things to keep the country safe from….well… From stuff like you guys. Which is why Paint Chips here isn’t going to come with. And neither are any of you unless you know how to disguise yourself and not stick out like a huge, pulsing thumb. No? None of you? Great. So you’re staying behind. I’m not helping you hurt humanity because you might like a shiny object or a patch of moon dust that SHIELD might be protecting.”

And Tony thought he might be able to handle one person….but all six? No, Tony couldn’t hold his own against all six and he doubted SHIELD would have the know how either.

“This isn’t even going to be about retrieval. You want to do this the right way? We go in. I annoy Cyclops until the only guy – why can’t you be a woman again? That was much better – who can negotiate without looking like a bunch of backwater vikings can maybe talk SHIELD out of whatever it is you guys want.”

He didn’t want to help anyone infilrate and take here, but Tony really would help them figure out the next step. It didn’t have to be smash and grab.

Perhaps some residual part of Stark remembered that the Aesir were conquerors and that was why he was so reluctant to allow them to be part of this, or perhaps it really was because Thor and his friends seemed less diplomats and more warriors. But Stark would be shown a fool if he thought that he was a match for any one of them, even a Jotnar runt far from his home.

"Thor?"

Loki was unsure if this plan would work, but it certainly appealed to his ego to want to be the one to find and claim whatever it was they came for. But Thor was, supposedly, in charge of this mission and he would need to give his blessing for this plan to go ahead.

"Our guide has offered the advice he feels fits Midgard, but the decision is ultimately yours."

Tony knew better than to retort about his recommendation, though he did add: “You guys could have ran in there and did what you had to do. But you didn’t. You came to me for help and I’m telling you that it will be seen as an act of aggression if you just decide to fight your way through a bunch of people who are only protecting what’s theirs. You need to talk this out first.”

Thor glanced at Tony, but his attention was mostly on Loki. He couldn’t help but trust him. When he was weak and powerless, when he was ignorant and foolish, Loki had been there to guide him. “I do not wish for you to go alone. And I would like to engage in this discussion as well.”

Tony couldn’t help but try to analyze the two. It was easy to see that Thor was more or less smitten with Loki. And that Loki probably was playing the same long con that Tony knew many, many women did when it came to him. They wanted pieces of his power and Tony had sometimes enjoyed their chase and sometimes shut them down, but he had always been aware of it. Whatever Loki’s motivations were, though, he couldn’t tell.

“How about this. Your good pal, Loki, and I do a prelim meet and greet. You take it easy in my Tower. And then we’ll set up some sort of formal meeting if the whole thing doesn’t go south?”

Thor blinked, opened his mouth, and then shut it again before he drew Loki back towards the others. “I still do not understand what he says,” he complained. “But I am agreeable to this.”

Loki still did not truly understand the language of the Midgardians either, it was rapid and confusing with many shifts where words that meant one thing were apparently being used to mean something else. But it hardly mattered, he understood the basic plan and it was enough for him to reassure Thor.

"Even if our guide is strange, if he can lead me to the source of this magic then we can move much more clearly. Stay for now, relax and drink with your friends, I will return successful."

He turned back to where Stark stood and held out his hand again.

"We should away, then, as swift as we can."

Which meant going via the shadowed edges of the realm once more, near instant transportation to anywhere else on the planet.

This time, Tony was much less willing to take that hand. “When in Midgard, let’s do things the Midgardian way,” he said. He was not about to leave five heavy drinkers in a place he could not control or monitor. This suite in London would be trashed if he left them here and he had a reputation as a philanthropist and not a hotel room wrecker to uphold. “J, how far away in the jet?”

It would not move as fast as the armor, and no where near as fast as a quinjet but thankfully, with Pepper in Germany, the plane was close by. And JARVIS had been on it as a method of extraction since Tony appeared in the alley a few hours ago. “I have it at Heathrow. Ms. Potts has been furnished with access to a rented private jet should she require it before we can return yours, sir.”

It was the first time that JARVIS had spoken around the others and all save for Loki looked immediately on edge. That umbrella in Thor’s hand looked much less like an umbrella now and Tony immediately explained what was going on and let Loki assure the Aesir and Vanir that it was all right. JARVIS was not innocuous. He could and did assist Tony in all sorts of battle operations, but for the moment, he was just acting like transportation dispatch.

“Let’s take the plane home. It will give us more time to talk so you can get in good with the Agents we’re about to meet. Sound good? I can keep your friends at my place and we’ll be close by in case you need them….?”

Thor frowned. “Your nonsense is urking. Do you have a piece of shifting ground that acts as a transportation device? Loki’s magic is far more precises.”

“No… It’s… It’s a vehile. That flies.”

“Ah. Aye, I would like to see your flying vehicles,” Thor agreed, winking at Loki. He was doing so well, right!

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