fossilised | Jotunheimr

"That's as maybe," Steve said, glancing over the article handed over to him and then passing the phone back. "But I'm always going to be Steve Rogers first. The world can write whatever articles about me that they like, I'm just another guy, and I intend to find a way to live a life that reflects that."

He'd not give up being Captain America while people needed him, but if he had to be that and nothing else then he'd go insane. He'd feel like that performing monkey on a tightrope, like he was nothing but propaganda and he didn't want to be that. He had to have moments of Steve.

"I'm not a brand and I don't intend to be, I'm nobody's marketing ideal. No offence, Tony, but that's how I feel. If it means I need to get a job bagging groceries to pay my way, then so be it, I'd rather that than be paraded around for something that might not be my ideals."

“It’s impossible to steal all of the action figures and trading cards and t-shirts out there, so I think you’re stuck. You’re a role model. And you can’t be a role model bagging groceries.” Even if Tony really wanted to see that right now. He felt decidedly repulsed and amused by the man sitting next to him. One might think someone in Steve’s position would be awkward, but he wasn’t. He just seemed distant and alone. And that, for Tony, was relatable.

And it also prompted a guilty feeling for his initial reaction to Steve Rogers. The guy was infuriating.

“You’re sort of like a more heroic Santa Clause to most people. Minus the gift giving-- But you actually exist, so that’s a big plus.” Tony was mostly yammering away to avoid any quiet that might stretch. He already knew it was going to be uncomfortable. “But anyway, none of that matters any more now than it did three months ago. Why haven’t you officially come back? Pretty sure that the world is a little shittier than it used to be. And that’s before you add in the aliens. SHIELD probably is dying for you to join the band.”

"Because I'm not sure what they're fighting for any more. I'm not going to mindlessly fight, that's not who I am, I promised someone a long time ago that I'd only use this strength to protect the people weaker than me."

He had respected Erskine a lot, the man had given him the chance that everyone else seemed eager to deny him, and he wouldn't spit on his memory by becoming just another cog in the machine.

"I need to understand how the world works now, so that I can find my place in it and know who I should be fighting for."

That's right, the stories were all true, he really was as earnest and good as they say and it wasn't just made up to make him more popular. Steve Rogers, literal puppy of a human being.

Tony was staring. His already huge eyes looked even wider than usual, lips slightly agape and brows lifted. He could feel the freeze of his muscles and he cleared his throat. “Okay.” Short. Simple. Not at all like him. “People like you just don’t exist,” he said, without a hint of anything but honesty here. “No wonder the world either hates you or loves you.”

There was no middle ground with Steve Rogers. The guy was unreal. And Tony could never, never hope to compete with that. His dad should have told him that a long time ago. They would have come to an understanding much earlier.

“What’s first on the agenda of getting to know the world? If you haven’t discovered the internet yet… Don’t.” For whatever reason, Tony just sort of wanted to protect whatever spark of innocence Steve had.

And…he kind of also wanted to be the one to ruin it.

That was bad, right? Yeah, that was bad.

"I've been introduced to the internet, it's been helpful in trying to read up, but I don't think anything can make it easy to go through that many years of history and politics."

It's been a nightmare trying to even understand the state of his own country in the broadest sense of the term, let alone the smaller details or what's going on in the rest of the world.

"There's so many people out there who need help, that I don't know where to start, or even how to. Seems to me you need to be part of the military to fund that sort of thing these days, and then the choices are taken away from you. SHIELD might be looking into saving people from things like these aliens and magic, but they also want to use it for their own agenda. There's nobody just looking out for the welfare of the little guy any more."

“There are a lot of people who help the little guy,” Tony said. “Police. Firefighters. Anyone that works in a hospital-- The little guy doesn’t need help from people like you.” It would have been easy to add a ‘Cap’ to the end of that, but he had a feeling that Rogers wasn’t really digging the Captain America moniker right now. “So scale it up. Think about the little guy as a group of people that can’t help themselves. Come with me next time I head out.”

What was this? Tony wasn’t looking to make friends of old enemies. And yet here he was, offering more than just an olive branch. It was honestly annoying.

“I’m a little like Batman. Handsome. Rich. I just stick to activities outside of Gotham. Like fighting terrorists that the government is too busy playing politics with while everyone else is dying. I’ve never wanted a Robin, but you’ll do.”

Luckily for Tony's references, Steve vaguely had an idea who Batman was thanks to some comics left around in the SHIELD medical offices that he had scanned while he had been waiting for a physical. He wasn't completely up to date on what was going on, but he sort of thought that Tony might be calling himself a vigilante superhero.

Which sounded sort of good.

"I don't really want to be a Robin or a Batman, but I'd be interested to work with you for a mission or two and see if that's where I fit in the world."

More of a partnership than one leading the other.

How was it that Steve got to be such a good guy and such a fair one? Tony couldn’t help but smile, one of those rare, genuine smiles that never, ever ended well. “You’ve got a deal.”

The scene on Asgard was much more tense, though Odin and Frigga had taken the Space Gem out of the room and left the six younger warriors behind to await a decision that Thor was certain he would not like. Hogun and Fandral had left relatively quickly, excusing themselves to the garden for awhile. Volstagg went off to find something to eat. That left a very Third-Wheel Sif behind to stand guard over Loki and Thor.

As if anything would happen. They were still in public. There were guards at every door. They were being watched.

Thor crossed and recrossed his arms, leaned back against a column, and tried to look bored instead of on edge.

Loki had taken the opportunity to rid himself of mortal clothing and become Jotnar in truth again, skin and clothing and all, and then settled himself at Thor's right hand to watch over him while pretending not to.

"You made a wise choice today, I know you fear becoming what your father was to Jotunheim, but there is a difference between protection and plunder. The All-Father took the Casket to cripple our realm, you have taken the Tesseract to protect Midgard."

It was difficult to make those sorts of decisions, they would always leave some unhappy and Thor was too big hearted to not take it hard when he couldn't please everyone.

As if Thor hadn’t already been looking in roughly Loki’s way, he made a big show of lifting his eyes fully towards him before he nodded, a gracious thank you without the words. Though Sif frowned slightly, she echoed the sentiment. She had not been there to see what had happened, and Thor had been surprisingly mum on the subject, but he’d had the item in his hand and Loki had made haste to call to Heimdall and free them from Midgard’s oddities.

It was good to be home, but Sif has less reason to be Thor’s shadow here and it showed by the way he more or less ignored her.

“What can I get for you, Thor? We could join Volstagg before he consumes all of the feast—“

“You go.” Sif winced. It had been a miscalculation. “I will remain here.”

She couldn’t argue, though she could absolutely warn. “Remember what I said,” she murmured as she passed him, looking directly into eyes that were angled towards the other prince. Thor simply nodded but she knew her words went unheeded.

Loki knew that Sif had reservations regarding him, but he didn't know whether that was because he was a Jotun or because of other reasons. He would simply have to keep a close eye on her and make sure that he didn't give her reason to decide to turn against him openly and with hostility.

He waited until they were alone before he crossed properly to Thor and set a hand briefly against his face in an affectionate solidarity.

"You weigh this too heavy on your own shoulders, what would you have done differently to protect Midgard?"

“Nothing. I had not thought to visit before we were sent. Maybe I should have taken your advice sooner. We could have visited more than just Vanaheim. I can not even say that duty kept me away. I had little duty to attend at all save for training several new warriors. They have fine forms and will be all the better in the coming years should they remain disciplined. I had Heimdall for my own teacher and I do not believe I can ever be as skilled as he had been with patience.”

Thor hadn’t meant to say so much but with Loki touching his face like that, Thor felt compelled to keep speaking. Perhaps Sif had been correct to warn him, or perhaps she had just drilled it into his head and now he could not escape it.

Flirting with Loki was wrong and dangerous and Thor enjoyed it immensely. Especially because Loki was so genuinely interested in him. That rarely happened. Thor bedded people because of his status or his prowess. But Loki had no need to be interested in either.

Ah. How little Thor actually knew.

“I simply believe that if we had begun our tour before now, we may have caught this sooner.”

"I think that for you to believe so is arrogance."

It was possibly strange to hear an insult to his personality like that said in an almost tender tone of voice, for Loki meant for it to be comfort rather than instruction on how to improve as he often did.

"You believe that we two, barely in our majority and newly out of our realms, could have discovered something that has been hidden from the sight of the Watcher and the All-Father both? I believe you are wrong, we would not have known. The mortals must have just now done something to bring it close to awakening, and that is what drew the attention of the All-Father, and that was why I was able to track it."

He shrugged and lowered his hand, though he kept Thor's gaze with blood red eyes that gleamed in the bright gold of the throne room.

"But even if it is true that we could have found it sooner, we cannot change the past. When you are King, you will face many decisions that you will not know the right outcome, and you may regret some, but you must know when to set aside that guilt of the past so that you are capable of fighting for the future."

“How is it you are so wise?”

Thor just barely stopped himself from reaching for the comfort of that hand. His lips curled upwards, just a sort of half smile, and he nodded to Loki’s words. This would have been a far nicer time to speak if Sid’s words didn’t seem to make him second guess every one of his motions. He liked Loki, he genuinely did, and he thought of him as a very good and very dear friend.

But as anything more?

“There may be no word for sometime. Come. Let us go elsewhere to speak.” Hogun and Fandral might be in the garden, yes, but it was large and layered and full of secret places to hide if one was willing to look. Thor had a favourite spot, a place where there were two rows of bushes but at the oncoming angle, looked in line with one another. It was easy to slip between and behind them and there was evidence that Thor had done so quite a lot as a child, toys and crafts strewn about in the dirt and the leaves.

“Have you never taken off that gift?” he asked, nodding towards the tear in Loki’s hair.

Even though he covered it well, Loki was still shocked at the sight of so much green, of colour that existed beyond the whites and blues of Jotunheim. He would not disgrace himself by gawking, especially when Thor took such sights as normal and barely looked at them, but he wanted to dearly.

"No."

It was mostly truth. He had removed it once or twice while redressing the complicated braids that a fyri wore their hair in, and he had removed it during an ice fishing trial for he feared losing it in the depths.

"Why would I remove a gift of such high regard and rarity? I do not think that you gifted it to me to only be secured away in a box and never worn."

Like a boy might, Thor pokes around at the leaves and the branches, both out of a small wave of insecurity and to demonstrate to Loki that doing so wouldn’t hurt the branches should he decide to examine them more closely. Unlike Thor, Loki was more reserved when it came to experiencing things he’d never seen or known of before. Thor, ever wide eyed and amused, took everything in with a brave gusto after all, curiosity never getting the better of him because he always did whatever he wanted.

He plucked a leaf from a branch and let it fall from his fingers before he dropped himself in a near pout on the rolled, ivy covered stones a younger Thor carried here to give himself a place to sit.

“Does it not worry you that your people still see us as betrothed?” That was the heart of the matter, for Thor very much liked to see Loki with his gift worn like that.

It was why he had given it to him in the first place, not simply rash and hasty as it might otherwise seem. He could have given Loki anything for his millennial after all.

"Do you believe that it should?"

It both enthralled and appalled Loki to see Thor casually pluck a leaf for no other reason than to let it fall. Crops were so carefully cultivated and so easily lost in the ice and snow, that waste could not be allowed. His soul craved for this decadence, this ability to have without fear of where it might come from next.

"You have made your views on marriage clear to me, I am not confused." He needed to be careful here, not to rebuff Thor entirely but to make it seem as though he were just an innocent friend. "I do not seek to trap you, only save your dignity in the Jotnar court. You would be shamed through your ignorance if they knew you did not intend to court me when you gave me such a gift."

He smiled, sudden and bright.

"Unless you are more crafty than I realised, and that was your intent all along. But I fear if it was then I would not be a good match for you. I cannot live the life you wish, with multiple partners and children begotten without care. I would be all to my consort and they all to me, a true partnership to last a lifetime. That is not the Aesir way, I understand."

Loki’s brightness just made Thor feel even more misery. “We would be a good match,” he said, as if it was his honour on the line. He stood quickly, displacing the ivy he had been sitting on, and stood with both of his hands on his hips. “I believe that many would disagree with me and favour your viewpoint, but we would be well matched.”

He was firm about that, almost stoic, as if they were discussing something menial and not monumental.

“”I enjoy your company more than any other. I am not sure I can change my nature for you and I still feel as if we are much too young to discuss this in any true fashion-- But do not put me off yet as a contentder.” That was more than he had intended to say. He’d come here thinking that Loki would agree with him that their little joke of a courtship had gone on long enough and instead bared a heart he had not realised lurked within his chest.

Success!

Loki felt a tightening of his chest as he saw the fruit that his labours has brought forth, yet it was not entirely a delight for a scheme well executed but also a fondness for Thor. They would be well matched, something he was coming to realise, and this marriage of political interest would not be a chore but a pleasure.

His smile became something softer.

“What of the man I met who professed courting was not in his mind? I stand by my truth that I could not tolerate a coupling with other partners involved, but I shall not discard you so easily. Your gift was accepted with fondness and is worn with such too. But I do not think your people would be pleased to hear you speak this way.”

“They would not,” Thor agreed first, for that was the easier thing to respond to. “And I do not believe myself capable of being the way you might need me to be of yet.” And here, he took Loki’s hand, as he had wanted to do for half an hour now since they had been in the empty throne room, and lightly pressed his larger thumb on slim knuckles. He was forever amused at how Loki could shift just portions of himself to make sure his skin could not harm another, and yet remain as he was, proud and Jotun.

A hand was at least nothing else more scandalous. He certainly did not touch his face, nor attempt to kiss him.

“But there will come a time for a change of mind. And you have already helped me to become wiser than I once was. I wish, for now, to be allowed at your side and to see what might become of us.”

It was well that Thor looked at his own shortcomings and acknowledged them without making ludicrous promises that he might fail to keep, but also that he was willing to try to be more than he was.

"I am willing to allow that, but there must be some stipulation. Though this is not a formal agreement, and you are not beholden to tell all, I would ask that you inform the All-Mother and All-Father. Relations are too strained with Jotunheim, and I fear retribution if this is kept from them and they disapprove."

More the All-Father than the All-Mother, but he was trying to be tactful.

There was silence for a moment as the notion flashed through Thor’s head. His eyes went blank before they focused, icy blue and sharp, on Loki’s face once more. “You wish for me to make my intentions of courtship known,” he said, slowly, drawing the words out. They were strange in that they did not feel strange in his mouth, and his tongue had no trouble forming each word. It gave him more pause for that reason alone. “A courtship is not as formal as a betrothal,” he said, sounding out his own thoughts with more care than he might normally make them out to be. “And it may be dissolved more easily… My father may be inclined to accept it if it is presented that way.”

And he could see Loki more often than he did now. It need not even be a big deal, more like a step in the direction of mending bridges between their Realms.

Thor felt himself exhale before the air whooshed from his nose and his smile brightened.

“If you would have me, I would like to court you. Officially.”

Loki had not been expecting such a commitment, for even an official courting would be remarked upon in Asgard and the other realms that owed it fealty. Not so much Jotunheim, who had been gossiping over the betrothal for a long time now and would only think it fitting that Asgard finally made some sort of announcement even if it wasn't the one they were expecting.

"I will have you."

He could have said something cleverer there, teased in his usual way, but it felt wrong. Thor needed moments of truth and tenderness, and those would be reserved for times like these were big decisions were being made.

"Though I may yet decide to change my mind and devour you in your sleep, as you so feared I might when we met."

“I’ll need to cease bathing whenever we are to share a chamber,” Thor responded quickly, grinning, before he brought Loki’s hand to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. There would be some time for them in the solitude of this little childhood grove of Thor’s, but not to do much more than lightly tease one another in affectionate ways. Thor did not need to hear his Father’s call, for he felt it through the power that Heimdal was able to wield, and he paused in the middle of a sentence, face hardening again. “We are requested back at the court.”

This would be about the Space Gem, likely, but once that business was concluded, Thor intended to announce his current status.

Yes, it would be more prudent to speak of this in terms of permission, but some lessons Thor had not learned.

Loki had no idea that Thor planned to be so idiotic about how to announce his intention to court a Jotnar, otherwise he would have taken him well in hand. He thought that Thor would surely have the intelligence to know that this should be done with humility and care.

He would discover his mistakes soon enough.

For now he simply followed Thor back to the golden palace of the Aesir, smug in the knowledge that he was on the right path to make this all be his one day. His dam would surely be proud of what he had achieved here when he returned home to tell him.

"Do you believe that the All-Father thought us right to take the stone from Midgard as we did?" An idle question as they neared their destination, for the answer must surely be yes.

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