fossilised | it's a new plot!

“Most people don’t ‘used to’ feel that way,” Tony said, remarkably casual about it because it was a casual subject. He leaned his palms on his knees and shifted his weight forward to look down past his feet to the lights below. New York was never dark. Never. Some of the alleys might be dark on the ground but all you had to do was look out, or towards a window, and there would be the sign of life. He didn’t know if that was always a comforting thought, but to him, the man in the high tower, lonely despite his many gifts, it was. “It’s just who you are. I mean, I guess it could have been a phase. I don’t really keep up with modern sociology, I’ll be honest. I go through phases myself. It’s not the 40s any more. You don’t get thrown in jail for loving someone of appropriate age and species.” He needed to add that on as a caveat. Humanity was progressive, not insane. “Men marry men, women marry women, men decide to be women and marry men. Women decide to be men and marry men—”

He shrugged.

“No one’s going to punish you for stepping out. Unless you cheat. And you should never cheat on someone. And I sound like one of Cap’s PSAs now. Do not tell him I tried to be parental towards you. Ever. Gross. I had the biggest crush on you when I was fourteen anyway. I’m pretty sure that’s why you stopped working for us. So there you go. Secret for secret. Now stop looking like I’m going to splash you with holy water for being a deviant. Because you’re not. And nothing that happened to you was a damned punishment, okay? No one deserves to have their rights and consent stolen from them.”

Bucky's lips turned upwards as if he were amused at the casual way that Tony seemed to turn the world on its head, but it was a bitter sort of smile with hollow eyes that didn't find anything humorous in what was being discussed.

"Back when I was a young man, homosexuality was seen as being as bad as pedophilia. Maybe you can accept it as normal, but I don't know that I ever could. A man who wants to step out with other men is a deviant, a criminal."

Maybe he didn't deserve what had happened to him, but he could see it as being some sort of divine punishment from a God that knew his thoughts and saw his perversions. He had never thought that way about Steve, that man was his brother and that would have been a perversion too far even for him, but there had been other men he wanted to kiss.

"It's good of you to try and say nice things."

“Nice things? Nah. You know me. I know that you know me. And I don’t say things just to be nice.” He said that as if he could hold the words between the tips of his first finger and thumb and thought it was disgusting to have to touch. “Fine. Accuse me of saying nice things and then call me a criminal in the next breath. That’s fine. You sound like a politician.” The thought of James running for senate, or even city council, just made him laugh. It was a good laugh, strong and genuine and from the belly. It probably would also be misconstrued, and Tony wasn’t going to tell his old friend that he was imagining him delivering speeches punctuating points with a metal fist.

It was almost too Inspector Gadget. Even for a guy like him.

“Well come one. This criminal deviant is getting cold and has promised to lay off the alcohol so it’s impossible for him to sleep. Want to play video games? Or are you afraid that my sinfulness will rub off on you?” He’d tease James until the guy loosened up himself over his old hangups….though he probably wouldn’t go so far as to try and make him come to terms with his own homosexuality. Tony was a special case. He was open, extremely open, about his exploits. Sure. They were mostly with women. But he wasn’t about to deny himself any experience.

Plus, he had some very vivid dreams of sex with some of his friends and colleagues (and enemies) too.

So deviant was probably the right word for him after all.

Teasing might not be the best way to go about everything, and perhaps being with James might finally teach Tony how to step softly from time to time, and how to react with compassion without fearing that showing that sort of emotional openness would be used against him in the future.

James didn't look impressed at having this mocked, it was a huge confession for him to have made and he shook his head as Tony tried to tempt him back in with video games and fun. It hurt, kind of, to have given over something serious and have nothing in return for it but mockery.

"I'll go back to my room, I'm sorry for making FRIDAY drag you up here."

Chances were that Tony was never going to learn. He didn’t function that way and he was too used to everyone making concessions for his idiotic social skills. He liked to think of himself as suave and cool, and he was, but that fell apart at the first sign of genuine intimacy between himself and someone else, even if that was just sharing secrets. He’d even given one back to James-- Then again, considering how his father reacted to his son’s much too close fascination with his bodyguard, it was probably no secret at all to James why he’d gotten pulled from the youngest Stark’s duty so quickly.

Tony watched him go, standing up on the ledge for a moment before he yelled after the retreating form. “Hey-- What did I say?!”

He’d been understanding. He’d not judged. James was just…difficult. Tony went back inside a few minutes later, scowling, feeling like a cloud had formed over his head and was currently pouring miserably over him.

He hated feeling that way. He marched up to his bar and bent to grab a new bottle of scotch before he cursed and backed away from it.

This was misery too. And the whispers, they just sort of laughed at him as he slunk to the couch to play video games with himself.

And that was where FRIDAY would direct whoever decided to come to find him a few hours later considering that he was meant to be showered, shaved and dressed to go up to HQ. But he was not. He’d passed out with his cheek on the xbox controller instead.

FRIDAY could perhaps try to help him understand where he had gone wrong, she was programmed to be of a more helpful and polite disposition than her master and could tell why James had gone away in a hurt manner. But she wouldn't offer that advice unsolicited unless it became truly dire, she had no wish to court being replaced with a different AI system.

It was Bruce who came looking for Tony because it was him who was meant to be at HQ with him. Thor had been asked last night, but he had decided to remain with his people for now. Though he still considered himself an Avenger and a band of their warriors, he was also a King to a homeless people now and that had to take his first priority.

Bruce couldn't really argue with that.

He had been let in by FRIDAY, despite Tony saying nobody should be on these top floors except him and James, and stood in front of the other man poking at him with an air of mildly disapproving amusement.

Tony started awake, the pattern of the buttons etched onto his face above the line of his beard. “What—? I swear to god, if you aren’t naked or about to be naked and in the mood, I am not waking up for you,” Tony groaned, rubbing eyes that were refusing to open.

It could be that he didn’t realize it was Bruce come to kick him awake, but his voice was obviously male. Tony didn’t care. He’d been having really wonderful dreams about a lot of chest hair, which normally wasn’t his bag, and that voice kept him locked into a memory that was not his own, at least for a moment or two.

"I'm neither, but you're going to have to wake up anyway, because if we don't leave now then we're going to be late for the meeting with Steve and the other Avengers."

He continued poking at Tony's ribs, aiming for the spot that he had discovered was ticklish by accident in the lab one day. That, more than any discomfort, would probably get him up and about.

"And I'd really like to talk to you about why you have Bucky Barnes in your Tower before we get there."

Rib poking was unfair! Tony tried to use the trigger on the controller to shoot Banner away, but it didn’t work. Neither did the thumbstick. He didn’t try to throw it, though, which he probably should have done in the first place. Instead, he wriggled half off of the couch, gripping the back of the black leather before his eyelids flickered open at the name fresh off of Bruce’s lips.

Not Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers could go hang off of the edge of a helicopter for all he cared (actually, no, he might find himself somewhat impressed by that). “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tony said. He didn’t want to lie to Bruce. It felt wrong and it felt dirty and he already knew that Bruce knew what he was said was the truth and not a speculation. How? Well, that wasn’t important now. Shutting the door after all of the horses got out was pointless unless that thing was heated and you were trying to save a little on your energy bill.

Still, denial was Tony’s only recourse.

“I need two minutes. FRIDAY, get the water as cold as possible, I need a dip. And set out the….the Armani The three piece. With the red silk Fender tie. I’ll get dressed on the way. Quinjet today, not the Audi.”

“Of course, Boss,” FRIDAY chirped, ever helpful.

The fact that Tony had woken up so immediately at the mention of that name was all the proof he needed to know that he had been right, though it gave him nothing as regards to why and how this arrangement had come about. This was not the pair up that he might have imagined, not with what Tony had already told him about the troubles recently and what FRIDAY had elaborated on after he had asked.

Why would he be keeping Barnes here?

He really hoped that it wasn't some sort of revenge thing. He didn't think it was; for all of Tony's many faults, he didn't think intentional cruelty was among them, and revenge took intentional cruelty or immediate passion. The time for immediate passion had passed.

So he just watched as Tony basically ran away to shower and meandered up to the Quinjet to meet Tony there when he was done.

“Any mention of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, in any respect or anyway, to anyone that is not myself or James is off limits. You play dumb, FRIDAY. If anyone is possibly listening, you tell them that you don’t know anything about James Barnes,” Tony said, angry more at himself than his AI as he showered all of the important places clean, shaved as best he could, and pulled on some underwear before he grabbed his duffle bag. He usually kept clothing in all of his vehicles, but he wanted to wear this particular suit and while he had several versions, none of them were currently in the quinjet. He hoped that Banner didn’t care if he got himself dressed in front of him.

Actually, he didn’t care what Banner thought because Banner was risking the loss of a friend-- Yeah, it was all really complicated right now. Tony wasn’t even sure where he was going with that, he just knew it wasn’t anywhere good. He needed both men in his life. Yes. Needed. He had come to terms with that the last time he and Bucky spoke about friendship. The man had insights about his relationship to Rogers but the truth was that he had a desperate need to make the Avengers his friends.

Even the ones he didn’t really like.

And so the ones he clicked with? Losing Banner had been terrible. He couldn’t do it again without access to the alcohol he was currently being denied.

Tony managed to make being half undressed and disheveled look good as he climbed into the jet and dropped the dufflebag to retrieve his somehow unwrinkled suit from it. He wasn’t sure if he was hungry, in need of a drink, or just nervous to see Steve again as he buttoned up his cufflinks and then sat down beside Bruce to run some product through his hair. He offered the wax to his friend as if to suggest that he might need a little help with that cut too.

The AI was more than content to adhere to the rules set out for her, though she did ask demurely if she should permit James access to the laboratory while he wasn't in the Tower and if he should be contacted if James seemed agitated or in need of his presence while he was away.

Bruce waved away the offer of wax and let them get into the air before he broached the subject again, voice that deceptively mild one that he used when he wasn't about to take any of Tony's shit but wasn't angry with him either.

"So are we going to discuss Bucky? If we don't, then it might make it hard to know what to say when Steve inevitably brings it up, and I don't want to be hiding something that he should know or telling him something that he shouldn't."

Of course James was to be allowed anywhere he wanted so long as he didn’t touch anything sensitive. Tony had protocols for that. Voice commands. He intended for them to stay in place. And James already knew how to reach him. Even if he wouldn’t. He was too angry with him currently, though Tony couldn’t explain exactly why. Nor would he attempt to apologize until he could figure it out. But that would come later.

At this rate? Much later.

Tony blinked at Bruce instead, not quite staring him down. He could deny again, but that wouldn’t work. Not if Banner kept bringing it up.

“I told you that I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do you think Barnes is at the Tower anyway?” That might solve a mystery. “And why do you think Rogers would ask? He’s going to be much more interested in you. And the Asgardians. He’s been chasing his friend for years. And there’s been no sighting of Barnes since just before that information was released.”

"Well, I know he's in the Tower because I saw him and because the Other Guy knew that a threat was around. And I don't think that Steve is going to directly ask if I've seen Bucky, but I think that he will bring him up because the search for him is such an important part of his life, and also one of the reasons that you and he stopped getting along so well."

You know, just for one or two reasons why that might be brought up.

"He didn't see me, and I don't think he looked like he was sneaking in considering he was asleep, so I'm pretty sure that you knew he was there."

“If I ask you to leave it, will you?” Tony could already tell that the answer was a painful, but poignant no. No, Bruce Banner could not leave this go and that was because, despite two years of his life being gone, he was used to Tony talking to him.

And Tony wanted to talk to him too. He probably smelled of that particular desperation.

“No one can know where Barnes is. Not anyone. Not me. Not you. It’s up to him to decide for himself, right? He’s spent decades, I would imagine, unable to make any choices. So... I think that if he wants to squat in someone’s home and not be bothered, let him.”

Tony wasn’t sure how much of that got through to Banner so he snorted.

“We have a history. One longer than I have with any of you. And I owe him not to go looking for him or taking away the choice to stay hidden.”

Edited 2017-11-22 19:08 (UTC)

That was surprisingly mature of Tony, though he suspected that there was more to it than that. There was no way that Tony knew that someone was in his Tower and hadn't gone to speak to him, but obviously it was more private than even Bruce had a right to know. Strange, usually he couldn't stop Tony from telling him everything in his head.

"And I suppose that extends to not telling Steve that the man he's searching for so desperately is there?"

He honestly didn't know how he felt about that.

On the one hand, he understood the need for choice and to be alone. But on the other, he knew how hurt Steve was and how urgently he looked for the friend he had known since he was a little kid.

“Steve might have been brought up poor for half of his life but he’s got to do and see amazing things, make friends, and very likely wasn’t raped or tortured for the last few decades so excuse me for raising my voice, Banner, but the only people that have a right to know where Barnes is right now is Barnes himself.”

He actually had raised his voice, sharply, and it was just painfully unlike him that even he seemed to understand that he shouldn’t have done it. He didn’t want to alienate Bruce, but he also didn’t want to send James into a tizzy attempting to run away from his problems.

“Steve is going to be there when James is ready,” Tony said, slumping back into the chair even if it meant wrinkling the back of his vest. “And they’re going to laugh and cry and eat gallons of ice cream and watch the Lion King and braid each other’s hair all night long. But it can’t happen yet because James just isn’t ready,” Tony said. He realized that he was pleading now. And that his hand was currently pressed down over Bruce’s knuckles, his fingers laying in the grooves between Bruce’s.

He immediately pulled his hand back and clutched it with his other hand.

He could feel the pulse in his head throb. The whispers were going to be bad today.

“I promised, Bruce. I promised to give him space where he’s safe and i don’t want to ask you to lie but please don’t tell Rogers.”

For all that the shouting took him by surprise, Bruce was actually pleased by it. It was so rare that Tony found anything that could get past his defences so much that it wasn't treated to the same blend of sarcasm and flippancy that everything else was, so this was wonderful. It was always good to see that true heart inside him, and that it was roused for a worthy cause was even better.

"I won't tell him where Bucky Barnes is, but I do want to tell him that I know he's safe. I think that Steve is scared that his friend is dead, or suffering, or even back in hands of HYDRA. Giving him that peace of mind is a kindness."

It was strange to hear Tony call the other man James, oddly intimate, which was why he stuck to Bucky. It was as if he hadn't earned the right to use the name James yet.

"But I agree with you that he should have that safe space to find out who he is, I'm proud of you for giving him that."

“Thanks, dad.” At least nothing had been said about Tony’s momentary need for a touch that was too intimate for his own persona. He just had very strong thoughts about holding Banner’s hand. They never had done that, but many versions of the two of them could only go that far with their affection. Anything else would bring out the dangerous side of Bruce Banner. “You can tell him anything you want about it, and I’m not going to stop you, but I will deny it until I’m blue in the face. And blue is not a good color on me.”

What would take two hours in the car took less than fifteen minutes by air. The quintet was already starting landing sequences and Tony stood to take the seat. He preferred to do the most dangerous stuff himself.

The compound was bustling when they landed and people ran over to greet them and tell them that Captain Rogers, Sam Wilson, the Vision and Natasha Romanoff were already in the conference room. The rest were on their way. They all seemed surprised to see Bruce, though, and the way they acted changed almost immediately. Tony hated that. He waved them off and straightened his jacket as he and Bruce stride across the grounds towards the main building, all glass and metal.

“You nervous?” He meant about Natasha of course.

The moment that they landed and stepped off the quinjet, Bruce became less. It always happened around other people, the ones who showed their fear of him through excessive politeness or cautious words. His shoulders hunched, he became quieter, as if to try and prove that he wasn't a threat.

It had been Tony who had been the first one to teach him to stand tall again.

Seeing Natasha had him sinking into himself as well, of course he was nervous about it, the woman had chosen the Hulk over him and the happiness that they might have had together. He swallowed hard and shook his head, though that was blatantly a lie.

"What's there to be nervous about?"

Tony glanced at Bruce but didn’t comment on the way he walked. Mousy. Unassuming. He did that. He shrunk, and he was already a smallish kind of guy to begin with. Two years as being the Hulk didn’t help the man who had tagged along for the ride, evidently not remembering much at all. They hadn’t spoken a lot about Bruce. They should do that. Tony was just an egoist and he focused on himself. He needed to get that out of his system and try to focus on other people more—

James was teaching him that just as he was teaching James that trust was possible.

He wished his friend was there. It would take the brunt off of him, at least. He could be callous and no one would care because Bucky was the guy everyone had been worried about for years now.

Tony paused outside of the conference room. The sleek black doors were shut and the bright sunshine flooded through the windows on either end of the hallway. The Avengers symbol embellished the curving handles.

Tony didn’t want to touch them, and then because that was ridiculous, he reached forward and pulled the handles towards him. Four sets of eyes looked up and four bodies rose. Not for him. They didn’t really like him. Not even the Vision all that much. Their eyes were focused on Bruce Banner.

Tony felt the sting of that. He was only useful for his role in getting other people what they needed to make their lives easier. Money. Technology. “Look who I found!” And even Bruce Banner. “Present from Thor. He says hello by the way.”

Steve rounded the table and offered his hand to Bruce, and Tony moved away in the opposite direction to sit himself down. Away from the action.

Tony was so quick to see what wasn't there because his bias made him look for it. He thought that nobody liked him or wanted to see him, and so he thought all the eyes on Bruce were because of that and not just because everyone was surprised to see him when he hadn't been heard from in two years.

Natasha looked awkward when she came up to stand in front of Bruce after, but they didn't actually say anything. Bruce's shoulders just hunched further and his eyes hooded with sadness, before he slipped into one of the seats. For a moment Natasha looked like she might cry, and then the perfect assassin's mask slid back into place and she chose a seat too.

Steve, having shaken hands with Bruce, strode over to Tony to offer his hand too, genuine smile at his lips. Hope in his eyes that the hatchet could be buried and maybe they could be friends again.

"Hey, Tony-- Bruce. Everyone. It's so good to see you all in one room again."

Tony was a man of many slights. And it was true. Most of them were all in his head. He just couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help the way he felt. It had been a big disservice his father had done for him in his youth. He looked, honestly, a little surprised when Steve came over. He shouldn’t have been. They spent some time sitting on the phone together when they were both low and that hadn’t been helpful really save to get them talking. But this...?

He stared at Steve’s hand as the doors opened again and Clint sauntered in, and some guy he didn’t know came behind him, talking too much. The voice was familiar but Tony wasn’t paying any attention.

He had gotten to his feet and then slowly, reverently, slid his hand into Steve’s.

“Missed me, did you?” Because Tony missed him.

Steve clasped Tony's hand as if he fully understood the gravity of what was being offered to him, smiling one of those beaming smiles that even lit up his eyes. He wasn't a man who could lie very well, or at all most of the time, so Tony could be assured that the joy he was seeing was genuine.

"I always miss my friends when we have to be apart for a while. And thank you for coming back and giving me a second chance after what I did, I'm still sorry, I should never have lied to you."

“Shut up, Rogers,” Tony said, smelling the man’s aftershave (because of course he used it) and what was probably powder. It had such a strong reaction out of him that he pulled the man in for an embrace, not exactly as he had done with Bruce, but there was full body contact just the same. He couldn’t help it.

He’d missed Steve. He missed his warmth.

And he was currently hosting the guy’s best friend so... we’ll they were going to eventually be even on the not telling each other thing.

He released Steve as quickly as he had held him close and plopped back down before Rhodey elbowed his way over. “Don’t I get a hug?”

“Nope,” he told his friend, glad to see her had started to walk without the cane. It was an uncomfortable moment for them all as the Avengers all filtered in. The last time they had been together, it had been a brawl.

“Hey guys!” Whatever Tony might have said was swallowed up by the teenager bounding towards him. In costume. “Wow so cool to meet you guys! You know, when we’re not fighting. Mister Stark, hoooo... Doctor Banner? Wow!”

<3 your tags complete me. XD

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject