fossilised | It's AU time

“You’re seriously a massive idiot.” Becca frowned as she watched her brother crumble cookies into the nice blue area rug under him. “I’ve been literally dealing with you for a thousand years. Or it feels like it, man. My whole life, you’ve been nothing but a pain in the neck and evidently you forgot to calculate that your family would want to be there for you. Gee thanks. You’re insanely bad at decisions, dude. That’s like, the story of your damned life.”

Steve had sat down on the other end of the couch with Rebecca, more than willing to step right on back into the fray if it meant protecting Bucky. He did, however, keep his mouth shut. This wasn’t meant for him.

“Mom and I are always, always gonna be there for you. Even when you run away from us. And from your doctors. Jeez, Jim. Can’t you just…like…come by and say hello? Pick up the phone? We love you.”

He wasn't ready for this at all. Having Becca sit there and talk about doctors and how much they loved him and... it was just too much, he had carefully built up walls around what had happened to separate it from his family and now that was blurring together. He was so scared of them seeing what he was now, this pathetic and terrified thing, that he just wanted her to go.

But at the same time he just wanted to hug her so tightly and never let go. She looked so grown up now, like a real adult instead of someone almost there.

"No, I can't," he stood up as he refused and backed up a step, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry. You have to go. Now. I'm sorry you wasted your time on Christmas coming out here, but I can't do this, I'm not-- I'm not who you think I am any more. He's dead, he died out there, so just go."

"Jesus H Christ, Jimmy! Make up your god damned mind! Are you dead or are you alive? I swear to fuck if you're turning into some crazy emo New Yorker, I'm just done with you!" But she looked afraid. Really afraid. It was like she knew that she was facing never seeing her brother again and that scared her more than driving for six hours south and then an hour in New York traffic did. Steve stood up and went to lightly push Bucky back into the hallway with just his body.

"She shouldn't have to drive home tonight. We should let her stay on the couch. I know-- I know how you feel. Like this has to be on your terms, but you guys are family. And it's Christmas. And I want to hear all about how much of a snot nosed brat you used to be..."

He gently brushed his fingers up into Bucky's hair.

"If I can get her to stop shouting profanity...? Please? It just means that we have to be really quiet tonight is all."

Bucky let Steve push him out into the hallway, and he looked for a second as though he might snap for how taut every muscle was, before he just sagged. His head fell forward onto Steve's shoulder and a damp patch appeared through the fabric, though his tears were utterly silent and his voice managed to be mostly level when he replied.

"I can't do it, Steve. You don't get it, you never knew me when I was me. I was so confident, the biggest damn extrovert, nothing scared me. How can I let them see what I am now? Jesus, Steve, they took everything that was me away, I still don't feel real most of the time."

He was rambling now, fingers clutched tight to the front of Steve's shirt.

"It's like when I close my eyes I only have there or home, and I can't let them get mixed up together, or I won't have anything good left. I don't want this to destroy them too, please, Steve, don't make me do this."

He should, though, because it would be good for him. Because if he pushed Rebecca out now then he might never reconnect with his family, and the only reason he wanted her gone were his own fears.

"I love them, I can't let them see."

It broke his heart to see poor Bucky like this. Steve almost wilted, but Bucky's need for him to be strong kept him together. He nodded very gently and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

"You love me and let me see you like this." It was presumptuous. He knew that. He should have used different terms but he wanted Bucky to understand. "You're not lost. You're different from how you used to be because we are all different from te people we used to be. You can do this. It's just for a little while. And then she can visit again in a few weeks. How's that? Compromise, okay? Work with me. We can put her upstairs in your place and you can stay with-- there's really no reason for you to keep that apartment anyway."

Love and sex and moving in on the same day?

Bucky needed to stop Steve's run away mouth here.

A part of him thought that Steve was an idiot, idealistic and naive to think that everyone just changed and it wasn't sometimes earth shattering to be so altered, but he also loved that he was so hopeful. He never wanted Steve to lose that innocence, it was part of the special something that made him him.

"Are you-- asking me to move in with you? Seriously?"

He gave a kind of half hiccup and half laugh, before he pushed himself back enough to wipe roughly at his eyes. He really didn't want Becca here, but Steve wasn't backing down and he just didn't want to fight any more. He was tired and drained and scared as shit.

"She's gonna ask me stuff I can't answer, or maybe just deck me in the face."

"I'm-- I'm putting a pin in that because-- that was out of line, and I'm sorry," Steve said immediately. He oh no way wanted to make Bucky uncomfortable and he had a feeling that he was doing that anyway. Rebecca was enough for now. "Anyway, if she asks you questions you don't want to answer, then you don't answer. And if she tries to punch you-- Buck, she's smaller than I am. Suck it up."

He was teasing there. If Becca did make a swing for Bucky, she'd find Steve there acting like a shield. It was pretty bad how protective of the other man he was.

"I'll talk to her. Lay down some ground rules. It's going to work, Buck. You don't have to be without your family."

"I love you," murmured Bucky, still sure this was a terrible idea, but there was something about the way that Steve said things with that perfect assurance that made him believe it could be true. He was goddamn amazing and Bucky was a lucky guy to have somehow managed to snag him.

He exhaled a deep breath and reached out to take hold of Steve's hand, tugging him back into the apartment where Becca waited, looking red eyed but a bit calmer than before.

"You're gonna stay tonight," he said without preamble. "Make sure you thank Steve for that, he really seems to think we should keep seeing each other and I never could say no to my boyfriends."

"Yeah, you've always been such a sucker for..." Becca actually trailed off. It was the first time that Steve had actually seen someone talk like that, exhaling at the tail end. Her eyes shifted towards Steve and their hands before she smirked. "You're like half the size of the guys Jimmy used to bring home," she said bluntly. Steve could appreciate that.

"Guess that makes me the one that breaks the mold," he said in his good natured way, squeezing Bucky's hand. "But you're more than welcome to stay the night. I don't want you to drive all the way back tonight. I'll get you some blankets and a pillow-- I don't think we have any left overs from dinner, but Bucky's a great cook--"

"Yeah if you like rat poison," the girl said, but she looked so much more relaxed now. Her smile was just as perfectly appealing as her brother's. They shared the same blue eyes too.

"Hm. I've got fatter tots and chicken nuggets-- Yes I realize that makes me look like I'm five but they're the best comfort food available and I think we can all use some comfort food right about now."

"Fuck yeah we can," Becca said, stretching out. "And alcohol...?"

It was so weird to see Steve and Becca interact as if they had known each other ages. But then, Becca had always shared his ability to just make friends at the drop of a hat, they had both been outgoing kids with a huge circle of friends. He might not be that any more, but it was good to see that Becca still was.

"Yeah, and alcohol."

If he had to spend an evening with his sister, then he needed something to get him through it. Even if drunk Bucky was a bad idea at the best of times, let alone in such a volatile situation.

"I've got some upstairs, I'll, uh, I'll go and get it."

He retreated again for the door, aware of two sets of eyes on him, and made his escape. Rebecca sighed when the door was closed, looking up at Steve as he bustled around getting tater tots and chicken nuggets.

"Sorry I yelled at you, I didn't know he even had a boyfriend. Steve, right? Is he-- is he okay?"

"He's coping," Steve said honestly. "And after what he's been through, that's pretty good. The whole dating thing only just started though so it's all right. My best friend only found out about it too." He was easy to talk to, which was why Bucky latched on so quickly. Becca was going to be the same, and she hopped right on over to the kitchen to watch him arrange the frozen food on a sheet pan. "I just-- could I ask a favor? Can this just be a visit? Maybe not ask too much about how he is or what he went through...?"

His smile was bare, but earnest. He wanted to keep this light and pleasant and that meant that Rebecca had to play along here.

She looked a little skeptical. Steve didn't really blame her, but eventually she did agree and they waited together for Bucky to come back.

Agree she might do, but she would wait until Bucky wasn't around for a longer period of time before interrogating Steve. He seemed to know more about what was going on and what had gone on than her, and she wanted to make sure that he was good for her stupid big brother. But not yet. She would be as casual as she could be.

Bucky reappeared after a few more minutes with a different shirt on (a clean one), and a duffel bag in his hand. He put it down on the counter and extracted one bottle of vodka, a six pack of beer, and a small bottle of rum. Also in the bag were some sweat pants and t-shirts, which he took into Steve's room with a slightly challenging look as if to say 'you asked me to move in, now some of my clothes are here'.

"Okay, so--" He cleared his throat, before going for a lighter hearted attempt. "You better not have been telling Steve horrible stories about me."

"Who me?" Becca asked, also trying her best because of what she'd agreed to. "You mean like the time you cried because Mom sold your barbie in a yard sale?"

Steve's eyes lit up and he swiveled around to face Bucky with hands on his hips. "Not your Barbie!" he gasped, feigning dismay as if he could considerate. He didn't have a lot of toys growing up, Barbies or otherwise, but that wasn't ever an issue. Paper and something to write on it with were the only things he needed to occupy himself and his mind.

He made an effort to try not to laugh but that was proving to be impossible. He settled himself down on the edge of the sofa, hunkering in for the story, before the timer on the oven went off.

"You're so lucky-- Bec, I need that story later. We're going to exchange emails," Steve promised.

Bec and Buck. Evidently Steve just liked to shorten names like that.

"Now-- you're over twenty-one, right?" He didn't know the age difference between Bucky and his sister.

Rebecca gave him a slightly startled and intense sort of look, no doubt wondering why her very skittish brother's boyfriend was being so helpful. But she wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, so she immediately grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on the back with a pen from her purse: becca.barnes65@gmail.com.

"She's nineteen," said Bucky, even as he detached one of the beers and threw it over to her. He had never minded too much about drinking underage himself, though not under eighteen, and so he wasn't going to mind Becca doing it either. "She's nineteen and I'm twenty five."

He glanced over at her, something hungry in his eyes even if the question was casual.

"Did you end up going to college?"

Last time he had seen her, she had been in high school and applying to places without any real idea of what she'd take as her major. No, that wasn't exactly true. Last time he had seen her, she had been crying as he left for deployment.

"Uh... Yeah? Of course I went to college. Don't be an idiot," Becca said, immediately hostile again as if that was a sticking point between them and so Steve took over with a tater tot offering and a smile.

"In Boston? That's exciting. I've always wanted to go. I've never actually left New York, so that's pretty cool to me. What school?" He liberally dunked a chicken nugget in honey as he spoke and Becca followed him with the same as if it was a competition to get the most honey on a food object.

"U-Mass," she said, glancing at Bucky. "I'm studying social work and stuff like that." She wanted to help soldiers like her brother when they came back from war.

Steve nodded along, offering praise. "Regular college wasn't right for me. I started the Brooklyn Institute of Fine Art last year." It was easier for him to talk instead of Bucky, Steve figured that out a long time ago. He did his best to keep his questions light and focused on his sister. "Do you stay on campus?"

"I did my first year but I'm with a bunch of girls in an apartment off campus now." She also offered up information about her favorite class and about how hard the work was and that she was on the soft ball team too. And all without throwing punches!

Bucky was both touched and a little saddened to hear what Rebecca had chosen to study. She could have done anything and instead she chose a major that would let her help people like Bucky, who had stubbornly gone to war and come back changed people. He wondered if the people on her course knew about her personal connection, or if they were all like that, family members trying to do their bit.

After a while he settled down into a more comfortable silence. He didn't jump in like he used to, full of energy and confidence, but he smiled as he listened and edged closer so he could end up taking Steve's hand.

"Steve's amazing, you should see some of the stuff he's drawn. All the paintings in here were by him, don't let him tell you that he's not a genius."

Rebecca looked over in surprise when Bucky finally joined in, smile softening. "Yeah, I can see that. You really did all of these, Steve? That's wonderful."

"Thanks," he said, eyes warm as he scooted over just a little with his knees against Bucky's outer thigh. "I actually want to do comics-- I know. That's the new buzzword, right? I just want to tell stories but I'm not a writer."

Steve ended up stretching out with his feet crossed on the coffee table and a plate of tots and nuggets in his lap. He leaned against Bucky and lightly touched his thigh from time to time as he spoke about his characters until Becca groaned and threw up her hands.

"Okay, okay, you can totally marry my brother. You're awesome. I'm gonna swap you out for him!"

Steve immediately colored, flashing red. "You should give us a few months before we start wedding planning," he choked.

Bucky snorted, half at Rebecca's blunt assessment of Steve and half at Steve being red as a tomato. It was good that they were getting along, if he had to try and deal with his family back in his life, then he wanted them to like Steve. The man was very important to him now.

"He's a better deal than me, Becca," he said, trying to join in on the joke but finding it fell kind of flat when he actually believed that. "He's so all-American, you have no idea. His birthday is July 4th, he has a sweater with an eagle on it, and he bakes apple pies."

Sorry, Steve, time to sell him down the river for teasing to cover up his own issues.

Now it was Becca's turn to laugh. "You're kidding, right? Is that true, Steve, are you secretly the most patriotic person ever?"

"I mean I'm pretty patriotic," Steve said, nibbling the breeding off of the chicken around the edges. "I think any American is, even if we don't agree with what's going on politically. But I didn't buy that eagle sweater and I don't have the Starspangled Banner or America the Beautiful as a ringtone either. So I think that I am secretly an averagely patriotic American, thank you very much!"

Despite the whole initial chase and the rocky chatter, things were going pretty well now. Steve couldn't be more pleased even if all of this was at his expense.

And let it be! He found it all to be amusing.

"I do have a really killer apple pie recipe though," he admitted, making the siblings laugh uproariously. Steve tried to keep a straight face for as long as he could before he was laughing too.

This wasn't how he imagined Christmas to be, but it was a damned fine one anyway.

Bucky actually almost found himself enjoying the evening after a while. He wasn't sure why the usually forthright and determined Rebecca wasn't interrogating him with questions, having no idea that Steve had basically made her promise to have this time just be about relaxation, but it was good... it was nice.

But as time wore on towards night, he began to get tense again. He knew with the upsets and strain of the day that it wouldn't be a good night. He never managed to have a night without nightmares after a day with a lot of social stuff going on, and he didn't want to have one around either Steve or Becca. What if he hurt either one of them?

Eventually he got to his feet with an exaggerated stretch.

"I should be heading upstairs to bed, are you guys going to be okay down here together?"

"Don't you guys--"

Steve cut her off. "We only just started dating," he reminded her in order to keep her from asking questions. Bucky wanted to sleep alone and while Steve wanted more of him, he understood the reasons why and he respected them too. He wasn't going to make a scene for an excuse to snuggle. "Make yourself at home. I'll be right back."

"I could just stay with my older brother...? Or don't you have a couch?" Becca frowned skeptically.

"You don't want to be up there. It's a mess," Steve teased and watched Becca try to decide if she should hug her brother or not. Luckily, she opted for the not and Steve was able to get Bucky into the hall and the door shut for a little extra kissing before he left him go upstairs. "Text me if you need me. Or crawl into bed with me if you want later. You still have the extra key?"

Bucky couldn't help but look a little shame faced, as if Becca knew he was only trying to run away, but he didn't back down and was grateful when Steve came to his rescue to make excuses and usher him out. He wound his arm around his boyfriend's slender hips and pulled him in close for a tender kiss.

"Yeah, you sure you don't mind me having that?"

He wasn't going to come down tonight. He'd miss Steve, which was stupid considering how new their whole relationship was, but he had a lot more nights in the future to end up tangled together with him. He could go one without in the interest of safety.

"Don't let Becca bully you, okay? Text me when you're up in the morning and I'll come down."

He'd be awake, he probably wouldn't get a whole lot of sleep that night.

There was a lot of talking to be done that night but Steve did his best to respect Bucky's boundaries. It wasn't his place to tell his sister anything so he kept it to them-specific stories and he got to hear about what Buck was like as a kid and how Becca and her mother were coping. They ended up face timing her for a little while and Becca filled her in on her drive up and how nice Steve was and how good Bucky looked considering.

"I hope I can visit next time," their mother said and Steve humbly said that he hoped she could too, even for just a little awhile.

"Your son isn't great with talking. But he's opening up slowly and-- it's just going to be a slow process."

"He should marry you. You're such a good boy, Steve. A good young man. He's lucky to have you."

Steve went to bed with Bucky's family adoring him. It was such an odd place to be considering how fast this was going and how inexperienced he was as a whole.

He woke up to fifteen texts from Nat and two from Becca before he rolled over to text Bucky he was awake. He'd deal with his couch surfer and bestie later.

Bucky had no idea that Steve had suddenly become an adopted son of his family. If he had known then he would have been a little amused, a little proud, and most weirded out. Partially because they really had just started dating and that seemed like a lot of pressure very fast, but mostly because his family had never been ones to attach themselves like that to any of his past boyfriends. Maybe it was because Steve was being so accommodating in helping them get connected to Bucky again, or maybe it was just that Steve was the nicest guy he had ever gone out with.

As expected, he hadn't slept much. He had got an hour or so before he woke up with a choked scream at the back of his throat, just managing to swallow it down before he woke up the whole building. He spent much of the rest of the night prowling from room to room checking the place for bugs, just something to ease his mind. But at least he hadn't hurt anyone, that was what was important.

He had showered and dressed in fresh clothes well before the text came through, so it was only a minute or two later that he was letting himself in quietly in case Becca was still asleep on the couch, to seek out Steve.

Thankfully, Becca had given up on Steve a little while ago and had fallen back to sleep after raiding his fridge. That meant that Bucky was able to sneak in and climb into bed with his sleep-warmed boyfriend, who very happily snuggled up against him, arm tight around him.

He told Bucky everything, including the conversation with his mother but minus that second wish for marriage. "Bec said she'll be driving back this morning," he whispered softly. "I think your mother would like you to call once every few weeks if that's all right with you. She just wants to know how you're doing."

She wanted to visit too, but Steve just hoped that she wasn't too serious about that for the moment. Bucky was so much better with kid gloves.

"How'd you sleep?"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject