fossilised | For Steve

For Steve

[It's been fourteen months, six weeks, and four days since the Soldier pulled Steve from the Potomac and ran from everything he had ever known. Since he had begun to realise which parts of the world he'd been fed were lies, but hadn't quite managed to pin down which were truths. He knows that Steve has been looking for him. Not just him, but his friends too, most of the Avengers have been roped into Steve's unceasing search.

They never find anything.

He's too good, he knows how to hide. He's seen them - Iron Man once, Falcon four times, Steve twice - but they've never seen him. He's a ghost, just rumours that dry up on the wind. He's not too sure if he wants to remain this way for the rest of his life, he knows he's not ready for anything else, and this feels almost comforting. Anonymous. But something in him has pulled him back to America. He hears on the news what's been happening with the Avengers, he sees that there's a new 'compound' that they're using as a base, though none of the news channels know where it is.

It doesn't matter, he finds it.

There's security systems, of course, but he bypasses them all. He slips close enough past Falcon that he can smell the aftershave he used, but he isn't noticed. He finds Steve's room, easy to tell it's his because of the shield inside the door and the way that the whole place is military precision. Not a habit easy to break even once the army is done with you. He isn't even sure why he's here, just that he's following the instincts of his mind at the moment.

He takes a seat on Steve's bed, cross legged, and he waits.]

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[He very deliberately doesn't ask if Steve is in contact with the Avengers, or if he plans to go back. He knows it might erode his decision to stick around.]

I need to go to my place and get my stuff.

[If he's staying with Steve, then he doesn't need his bolt hole any more.]

[Steve nods. He hadn't immediately jumped to thinking Bucky could move in, but now that it's implied, he's considering the logistics.]

Yeah, sure. My apartment is pretty small, but there's a room you can have, definitely.

[He doesn't want to make any assumptions about what Bucky might want, though.]

If it's not enough space we can look into getting a bigger place, or even find a place just for you if that's what you need.

[Even if he thinks he might come to feel the same way for Steve, he certainly isn't ready to be sharing his space when he sleeps yet.]

It'll be big enough, I don't have a lot.

[All of his belongings fit into one hold-all, and he sleeps either on a mattress if he can find one or in a random dark corner. He'll handle a small apartment.]

Great. You want to do that first?

[His stuff isn't all that important, it can wait. Truthfully, he's eager to get Bucky settled into his place. He hopes it'll make it... real. This is happening so quickly, he's half convinced it's a dream.]

[Bucky can barely believe it either, and there's still a large part of him ready to run at a moment's notice. But he nods.]

It's this way, stick close.

[He makes a sharp left down an alley and sets off at a run, literally climbing the side of a building so that he can parkour along the rooftops.]

[He can honestly say he wasn't expecting to parkour today, but Steve's super soldier reflexes kick in and he follows Bucky only a few steps behind.

It's refreshing, really. Steve doesn't get a lot of chances to flex his super solder muscles on his vacation from being Captain America, and while he's finding he doesn't miss it as much as he thought he would, he does miss the pure exertion.

Running like this, with Bucky, it feels good. It feels right. And Steve's wondering if he can convince Bucky to go running with him like this on the daily.]

[He doesn't question if Steve can keep up, because of course he can, he's the only other person in the world with the serum in his veins. It's not a particularly long run at the speed they both go, about twenty minutes, before Bucky is shimmying into the skylight of a clearly abandoned building.

In the corner of one dusty room, a huge warehouse floor in what used to be a packing factory, is a ratty old sleeping bag and a backpack full of stuff. He's not ashamed at how he lives, just bending down to start rolling up the sleeping bag.]

[Steve follows Bucky in and looks around, but doesn't say anything. It's... not ideal, of course, but it's out of the way, defensible, and it's better than living on the street.

Still, Steve's glad Bucky's moving in with him now. It'll be better than this.

And maybe it's not home yet, but it could be. Or maybe they'll move on in a week or a month and they'll find a new place.

The point is they'll be together, right? And that's better than being apart. It has to be.]

Need any help?

[He cants his head back to shoot Steve the tiniest amused smile.]

Pretty sure I can manage it, Steve.

[This isn't a large amount of stuff. It doesn't take him long to have the bag on his shoulder and the sleeping bag under his arm.]

Show me where you're staying.

[It's a formality. He already knows, he's been stalking Steve for days before making himself known.]

[That smile just shoots right through Steve, and he's stunned for a moment. All he can really do is smile back, like a big old dope. But by the time Bucky's ready, Steve's recovered. He takes a breath and nods, though he manages a wry smile back.]

You've probably already scoped it out, huh.

[Regardless, he starts on his way. It's a nice walk, on a nice day, and god everything just feels really good right now. Steve clings to the feeling, though there's a sneaking thought in the back of his head that says this all could fall apart in a second. It has before. It could again.

But for now, he can afford to be optimistic. Right?]

Anything you want to do while we're in Paris?

[Steve is amazing, and a total idiot.

Only he would ask if there was anything Bucky might want to do, like they were just any old tourists, as if they hadn't been running and fighting for the last few decades. It's just another mark of how resilient Steve can be in pretty much all matters that are important to him. It's comforting that it hasn't changed, not even in the face of everything that's happened.]

I want a bath.

[He snaps his teeth shut as soon as the words are out and a brief look of fear passes over his face as if he expects punishment, before he schools himself back to normal.]

Forget it.

[The answer surprises him, and his head whips around to look at Bucky with a big grin, which fades when he sees how Bucky reacts to his own words.

Steve slows to a stop and reaches out as if to grab Bucky, but he doesn't connect, and lets his arm drop.]

Hey, Buck. It's alright. You can have a bath if you want. I've got a great bath in the apartment, you can take as many baths as you want.

[He's still tense, eyes darting left and right as if looking for the direction that the punishment will come from, and he can't seem to stop it.]

I said forget it, Steve, I didn't say anything.

[Steve takes a deep breath. He wants to help. He wants to help so badly, but he doesn't know how. So he just nods.]

Okay. Okay. It's... not a big deal, we'll figure it out later.

[He does his best to keep his voice light and even. There's no problem here, Bucky. No punishment. Not now, not ever again.]

You just let me know what you need, okay? In your own time.

[He starts walking again, his hands shoved in his pockets to keep from reaching out to Bucky again.]

[He falls into step silently beside Steve and, even though he's still tense as a bowstring, he starts to feel like an idiot. Maybe he's rushed into this too soon? Maybe he's still not ready to be around people if he can't voice a simple want like a goddamn bath?

He swallows hard, Adam's apple riding up and down his throat nervously.]

Sorry.

[Shit, he's already messing his up.]

[Steve sighs, keeping one eye on Bucky as they walk. He wants to say there's nothing to be sorry for, but he's not entirely sure that would help right now. It might make things worse, actually. Might make Bucky think he's making another mistake for apologizing.]

It's alright. Apology accepted. [Steve smiles, trying to keep things light, but it's a little tight, a little strained. They'll figure this out, they will. It just... might take a while.]

I know... there's... going to be a lot that's hard, for a while. For both of us. But I want this to work, Bucky. And I want you to know that I'm not going to give up when something goes wrong.

I know.

[That, at least, he can believe with perfect trust because Steve doesn't know how to give up, not even when he damn well should. That Bucky is even here now is proof of that.]

I know it's hard, but I can't promise you that I'll always be there when you wake up. If I think I've made a mistake, or I might hurt you, I'll be gone.

[That's... really hard to hear, but Steve makes himself nod.]

I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. [He takes a deep breath.] You can always come back, you know. No matter what.

[And here they are at Steve's building. He walks up the steps and unlocks the door. After that, it's another few flights of stairs up to the third floor, where Steve's small apartment is.

It isn't much, but it has a great view.]

Well... here we are. Make yourself comfortable.

[He's not surprised that Steve only has a small apartment despite the fact that he's an Avenger and can probably afford to stay in a penthouse somewhere. It's comfortable, easily defensible, and familiar.

He prowls around the whole place as though checking it for traps and egress points, but eventually he comes to a stop beside Steve again.]

Why are you here?

[Steve keeps himself still, sits himself in the living room and forces himself to take deep, slow breaths so that he doesn't follow Bucky as he does his rounds of the apartment.

He's a little surprised at the question.]

In this apartment or in Paris?

Paris.

[He turns and suddenly fixes Steve with a piercing sort of look.]

You're not the type of guy to abandon the fight.

Oh.

[Steve slumps a little, and leans back into the couch, raking a hand through his hair.]

I guess I'm just... learning that it doesn't always have to be my fight.

[He laughs a little, softly, self-depreciating.]

It's taking a while to get it through my head.

That's crap, Steve, you always think it's your fight and the Avengers actually are your fight. You're here for me, and you walked away from it all to do that.

[He's not sure if that's touching or if he's mad about it.]

You really gonna be happy living a quiet painter's life?

[Steve bristles at that, and that's really what makes him really see that yeah, Bucky's right, and maybe he's lying to himself.

Maybe he's just scared at how much he'll do for Bucky.

He takes a deep breath and sighs, consciously releasing his tension and making himself face facts. God, he hates that sometimes.]

Yeah, okay. I did it for you. You can't be around the Avengers, I get that. You deserve to be able to have the chance at something quiet, and if I can help provide that... then I want to. You're my fight, Bucky. You always have been. And if fighting for you means living a quiet painter's life away from it all, then yeah. I'm gonna do it.

[He shrugs a little.]

And it's not like it's a hardship. People keep telling me I deserve a break, so I'm taking one. If it doesn't work out, and there's a need for me to go back... well. We can see if it's possible. I'm willing to play it by ear.

I don't want to be that, Steve.

[Except that a selfish and tired part of him does, he wants to just have a quiet life somewhere where the only worry he has to have is if he has bread in for dinner and not if someone is going to be shooting at him.]

You'd stay with me, and you'd hate it. I don't want to be the thing you have to choose instead of your duty and other friends.

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omg i totally forgot it was my turn for like. a month. sorry about that.

no worries!

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