Loki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
throneenvy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fossilised2016-02-12 05:26 pm
throneenvy) wrote in fossilised2016-02-12 05:26 pm
Entry tags:
For Darcy
No, Loki.
Those words still rang in his ears even hours after they had been said, as though a bell tolling for his execution. He saw Odin's face with every blink of his eyes, disappointed and dispassionate, as though he cared nothing for the suffering of his younger son. No-- No, not son. He had made that mistake too many times, he was no Odinson, and to believe otherwise was to perpetuate the lie told to him his entire life. He would not be so foolish as to pin hope on those words said before the sleep took the All-Father, where he said he still saw Loki as his son, where the lies had been designed to protect him.
His actions since proved those false. Lies worthy of being told by the Silver-tongue himself.
Despite all Loki had done. Despite upholding his decision regarding Thor, despite proving the elder son had no right to the throne in his arrogance and stupidity, despite saving the sleeping king's life from a mortal enemy and slaughtering his own birth father for his sake, despite acting as a true ruler to destroy a realm that had declared war... still he was seen as wanting. His actions deemed as unworthy, even criminal. And Thor returned to the fold as worthy heir.
He had thought to die when he fell to the Void. He had hoped for once brief, brilliant moment that Odin or Thor would catch him. But they did not. They watched him fall as though they had tossed him to the abyss himself. But he had not died, he had somehow fallen through the gaps in shadow and landed in another realm. He knew at once that it was Midgard. It stank of the mortals, the air had that distinct sharpness that was only found here.
This was where Thor had become worthy once more.
Perhaps that was a sign. Perhaps he could reforge himself once more here on Midgard, perhaps-- or perhaps those were false hopes brought out by a shattered mind. He no longer knew himself if he were insane, and he found he did not care. He only wished to be alone and hidden until he thought through what he should do, until he found a place for himself once more. It was a matter of instinct to cloak himself from Heimdall's gaze, though he had little energy left and exhaustion tugged at his bones even with that small use of his magic.
He did not even have the energy to find one of the cities the mortals had built, scarce enough to even find one of their roads and sit beside him. He used the last of his magic to change his clothing into garb less likely to draw attention, simple black trousers and a neat shirt, before he sat in the dust and dirt and waited for one of their vehicles to pass by.
Loki required transportation, food, and rest. Then perhaps he could begin to make sense of what had happened and plan his next moves.
Those words still rang in his ears even hours after they had been said, as though a bell tolling for his execution. He saw Odin's face with every blink of his eyes, disappointed and dispassionate, as though he cared nothing for the suffering of his younger son. No-- No, not son. He had made that mistake too many times, he was no Odinson, and to believe otherwise was to perpetuate the lie told to him his entire life. He would not be so foolish as to pin hope on those words said before the sleep took the All-Father, where he said he still saw Loki as his son, where the lies had been designed to protect him.
His actions since proved those false. Lies worthy of being told by the Silver-tongue himself.
Despite all Loki had done. Despite upholding his decision regarding Thor, despite proving the elder son had no right to the throne in his arrogance and stupidity, despite saving the sleeping king's life from a mortal enemy and slaughtering his own birth father for his sake, despite acting as a true ruler to destroy a realm that had declared war... still he was seen as wanting. His actions deemed as unworthy, even criminal. And Thor returned to the fold as worthy heir.
He had thought to die when he fell to the Void. He had hoped for once brief, brilliant moment that Odin or Thor would catch him. But they did not. They watched him fall as though they had tossed him to the abyss himself. But he had not died, he had somehow fallen through the gaps in shadow and landed in another realm. He knew at once that it was Midgard. It stank of the mortals, the air had that distinct sharpness that was only found here.
This was where Thor had become worthy once more.
Perhaps that was a sign. Perhaps he could reforge himself once more here on Midgard, perhaps-- or perhaps those were false hopes brought out by a shattered mind. He no longer knew himself if he were insane, and he found he did not care. He only wished to be alone and hidden until he thought through what he should do, until he found a place for himself once more. It was a matter of instinct to cloak himself from Heimdall's gaze, though he had little energy left and exhaustion tugged at his bones even with that small use of his magic.
He did not even have the energy to find one of the cities the mortals had built, scarce enough to even find one of their roads and sit beside him. He used the last of his magic to change his clothing into garb less likely to draw attention, simple black trousers and a neat shirt, before he sat in the dust and dirt and waited for one of their vehicles to pass by.
Loki required transportation, food, and rest. Then perhaps he could begin to make sense of what had happened and plan his next moves.
no subject
What, exactly, were his long-term plans?
There was still too much she did not understand, too much she could not account for. How in the world were they going to pull this off? Would she actually be able to cover his ass long enough for Jane to stop being suspicious? What about Erik? Jane often grew myopic when she was buried in research, but Erik had a keen mind and a sharp eye. He'd be able to tell if Darcy was acting out of sorts, and she wasn't entirely certain she could put him off with reassurances and lies.
Laughing quietly, Darcy rubbed at her face. Her life would make a decent book, and she would even be able to market it as fiction if she smudged enough details. Except for SHIELD, who would see right through her ruse and probably toss her sorry ass in jail for eternity. Damn, they were a bother.
"This is a mess," she lamented as she turned away, heading into the living room. She threw herself down on the couch dramatically, covering her eyes with one arm, the other waving about in the air. "We'll figure something out. Jane will want to know how you spied on SHIELD. Hell, SHIELD will want to know how you spied on SHIELD."
Suddenly, she bolted upright, looking around in alarm. Quietly, as if lowering her voice would make a damn bit of difference, she said, "What if this place is already bugged?"
Hello, paranoia.
no subject
And it had not worked.
His world had still crumbled, unable to hold with a foundation built from lies, and he had given himself to the Void. Another plan failed, a life that had not been ended, was it any surprise that the web he wove to find his path continued tangling and catching his feet to trip him once more?
A weariness, bone deep and hollow with sorrow, ached through his bones. It showed only through the slight slump of his shoulders and the tightness to his jaw, otherwise his pride would conscience no further display of weakness in front of a mortal woman. Was this what his life had become? Him, a prince of Asgard, now scrambling for lies to remain in the lives of such transient creatures. It was so pathetic, so bitterly amusing, that he could not help the wry turn of his lips.
He may well have begun laughing, lost in his own spiralling thoughts, had not Darcy sat up and punctured his imaginings with her question. He waved a hand idly as if to dismiss her worries. "It was. There were crude attempts at surveillance in place when I arrived, they have been deactivated for quite some time. It was a simple matter to cloak the truth from their electronic eyes."
He could not risk being spied upon lest the footage be seen by any who Thor had described him to, if any existed like that.
"Come, you should contact Jane Foster." He hesitated, expression twisting, before his tone softened. "I thank you for your assistance, Darcy Lewis, you do not comprehend the boon you have granted me."
no subject
It made sense that he wouldn't want his presence known. Had he dismantled SHIELD's technology entirely, or allowed bits and pieces to filter through so they would not grow suspicious? Did that have something to do with Jane's offer of funding?
Quietly, she asked, "Were there cameras, or just listening devices?" If those jerks had been spying on her in the shower, then there would be hell to pay.
"Hey, don't worry about it." Darcy returned to the hallway to fetch her phone, then stared at it, nibbling on her lower lip as she ran through discussion scenarios in the hopes of finding one that had a greater than average likelihood of succeeding. Jane would be wound tight, concerned for Darcy's safety. If she was able to reassure her that she was fine, Jane's thoughts would once more return to her experiments.
With luck. Something Darcy seemed to be running out of.
Sighing, she called up Jane, who answered on the first ring, sounding breathless. The conversation did not go as smoothly as she had hoped, and both of them started yelling a few times, but in the end, when Darcy ended the call, everything was settled.
"She bought it," she said to Loki, not looking entirely pleased with herself. "Jane will be back in a few days, once she's done negotiating with SHIELD." Stressed from having to lie so thoroughly to one of her closest friends, Darcy brushed past him and retreated into her bedroom.
no subject
The others were too afraid of his biting tongue and intelligence, too disgusted by his use of trickery in battle and the women's art of magic. He was an oddity in his own home, but he had been an exceptional oddity and never ashamed of his pursuits. Few understood that his tricks, as they called them, could be just as deadly as a well-wielded sword or hammer.
Yet now, in the most impossible of circumstances, it seemed he had found a companion.
Over the next few days the two kept their distance, aware of the impending lie and the truth that lay beneath it. But after Jane returned and had satisfied herself that Leita was no threat - she even offered him a paid position alongside Darcy as a second intern - things shifted back to a comfortable status quo. Loki found himself seeking out Darcy's company more and more frequently, from simple things such as preparing meals together, to continuing explaining his theories and equations.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and the project moved ever onwards at a glacial pace. Loki resisted any attempt to discuss his true heritage even when they were alone, he was Leita now and the lie must be maintained however curious his companion had become.
Seven months following the night of discovery, Loki watched as Erik and Jane left the new laboratory talking nineteen to the dozen about a possible breakthrough. He noticed them ignoring Darcy, brushing her aside as always, and he noted the flash of hurt beneath the glib smile and faux nonchalant remarks.
"You do yourself a disservice by walking forever in their shadows."
no subject
Loki's voice surprised her. Somehow, she'd failed to realize he hadn't left with Jane and Erik. It was a massive departure from the first few weeks, when she had been extremely conscious of his presence and tried to track his every move. Doubt still plagued her, but as time passed and he ceased to turn into a mustache-twirling villain, she grew comfortable around him again.
"What?" she asked distractedly, clicking a video and watching as what appeared to be a basketball mascot ate one of the cheerleaders. Uh huh. Right. Clicking 'like' simply because it was so bizarre, she spun in her chair to look at Loki, raising an eyebrow imperiously.
"I don't walk in anyone's shadow."
no subject
Loki raised an eyebrow in return, though his was indicative of disbelief in her rather transparent lie. Though perhaps she did not think it transparent. Jane and Erik had apparently never seen through it, after all, and they were purportedly intelligent. If they could not see Darcy for what she was, then she must think herself secure in the facade.
"You hide your intelligence beneath self-deprecation, ever jesting at your own expense lest anyone think to do it for you. You fear the scrutiny of others and so you give them nothing to scrutinise but an empty shell with vapid thoughts. You diminish yourself for the light of others, allowing hem to take you for granted and forget that you are anything but an insignificant addition to their ever-lengthening shadows."
He knew, he had experienced centuries of it with Thor as a brother. Perfect, golden, Thor. All who met him loved him and wished to follow him. He was the ideal of every Aesir, a warrior with honour and strength in his arm beyond ten other men. What matter were books and sorcery when compared to brawn?
Though they were different, Loki had responded to those underestimating him with a sharp tongue and defiant pride in his abilities and Darcy had shrunk into herself to make others not see her, their situations contained some small mirroring.
no subject
What had become over a decade of carefully woven protective barriers around her were suddenly unraveled, all under Loki's piercing gaze. That left her far too vulnerable, and she immediately slammed them back into place, reminding herself that it was better to be unnoticed. Those who overlooked her did not question, did not pry, did not dig deep enough to actually learn about her.
She was safer that way and, more importantly, she was accustomed to it. Darcy had learned early that the world around her was immense and she was so very, very small. How could she possibly measure up against such impossible odds?
For a moment, legitimately at a loss for words, Darcy lowered her gaze, settling it on the pretty pattern of the skirt spread across her thighs. Absently, without consciously realizing was she was doing, her fingers began to trace one of the patterns before she looked up again, focusing on him.
"You see too much," she murmured, still uncertain how to approach this discussion. She'd never been so thoroughly called out before. Oh, there had been attempts, but ones easy enough to deflect that she'd joked them away and changed the subject before the other person even realized what had happened. That wasn't an option with Loki. Engaging with him in wordplay would be setting herself for instantaneous failure, probably a humiliating one.
She shrugged uneasily, sparing a glance at her computer. The queries were almost complete and she had a few new Facebook notifications, but she ignored them. While it would have been nice to simply ignore him and continue messing around on the computer, that would have been rude and undoubtedly damaged the rocky relationship they'd rebuilt.
"Why does it matter?"
no subject
"It matters little," he replied, flicking long and elegant fingers dismissively. "If you are prepared to spend the remainder of your life as insignificant and overlooked. Mortals have such a petty lifespan, the briefest flickering of a candle flame, why make what it already minor even less than it must be? Your flame is a mere ember, and all you shall be left with is a discarded pool of melted wax. You could burn brightly, so that some may well remember your glow."
Loki leaned forwards a little in his seat, his eyes never leaving her face.
"I have come to hold you in somewhat of a high regard, why should I not take an interest in your potential?"
He rose to his feet and smiled. He smiled a lot these days, but they were all polite smiles intended to keep Leita's reputation as harmless and polite. This was a genuine smile, all Loki, made of barely constrained chaos and a hint of wicked amusement. He gestured to the door behind him and then turned as if to go.
"There is a world beyond the confines you have created for yourself. But by all means, remain here and chatter inanities and banality on your computer."
no subject
Loki thought she had potential.
Jane had potential. Jane was smart enough to understand all of that theoretical science stuff and had managed to win the love of a demi-god in three days. Sure, she often sounded insane, but that was mostly because her favorite topics of discussion went so far over most people's heads that they could not follow along easily. Brilliance, it seemed, painted a mirage of insanity on some.
Yet people listened to Jane.
And Loki, apparently, listened to Darcy.
Too many emotions bombarded her at once, most of them undefinable, leaving her confused. Had Loki said such things almost immediately after her discovery, she would have assumed it was an attempt to manipulate her. It was still a possibility; Loki was old, and patient, and likely used to playing the long game.
Yet something in his smile convinced her that this was no lie.
A strange giddiness enveloped her as she glanced, once more, at the computer monitor. There was promise in his words, in his stance, in the way he seemed to be inviting her on some grand adventure, as if to drive home exactly how banal her existence was. Sitting around in the lab while everyone else had already left, wasting time online and surrounding herself with inanity to make it that much more tolerable.
There was hesitation, however. What, exactly, was Loki offering, if anything?
Darcy's hesitation did not last long, overridden by impulsiveness and the intriguing notion that someone saw her. In moment, she locked the computer and tossed things into her bag, then stood, raising an eyebrow in what she hoped was a challenging manner.
So much of Darcy was buried in playing pretend that the very possibility of leaving all of that behind was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. This, of course, assumed too much, offered Loki too much power over her, yet there was a brightness to her eyes that was seldom lit.
"Are you offering your services as a guide?"
no subject
That she did not, that she rose to the challenge, only raised her in Loki's estimations. His smile hitched a little higher and he held out a hand towards her, palm upwards and long elegant fingers curled slightly up as if to invite her to take it. She held much of him in her hands, being the only one aware of his true identity now, but that just made this more throlling.
"Very well, I grow tired of the constraints of this charade I must play. Perhaps one night where both of our potentials may be released is in order."
He had not unleashed what he was capable of since he fell from the rainbow bridge, since he had destroyed the only way for Asgard to be connected to the other realms. He could have slipped into his own secret pathways at any time, but that could bring him risk of discovery, especially as all the other realms knew his face far better than Midgard.
"Tell me, Darcy, have you ever visited the country your people call Denmark? It is the closest connection your realm has to the old religions and my peo-- Asgard. Allow me to take you there and show you the places which meant so much to me as a youth. Do not fear, we shall return in time for your duties to resume come morning, when we shall both be transformed back to the banal lies we must live to survive here."
no subject
What was the worst that could happen, aside from her ending up dismembered in a dumpster in a foreign country? A bitter voice wondered how long it would even take Jane to notice that she was gone.
Probably the moment she reached for an empty coffee mug.
“I have never been out of the country,” she admitted as she took his hand, clasping it tightly. “I don’t have a passport and international travel is expensive.” Darcy did not know what language was spoken in Denmark, and unless things were written in English, she would be completely lost, dependent upon Loki, of all creatures. She probably couldn’t even pick it out on a map.
However, help was always just a phone call away. Her cell would be useless without an international travel plan, but all she would need to do was bribe someone into letting her use their phone or purchase a pre-paid card – if those even existed anymore – and…
What? Jane was strapped for cash, and revealing to Erik that she’d been stupid enough to gallivant off to a foreign country would raise too many questions.
Worse come to worst, she would figure something out. Darcy was resilient. And if they were unable to return in time for work the next morning, Loki would undoubtedly invent a convincing story regarding their whereabouts and estimated return.
Briefly, practicality reared its head. “Wait. We’ll need to exchange money, since I’m pretty sure Denmark doesn’t accept American currency. I should head to the bank first.” There was no way she was going to a foreign country without buying as many souvenirs as she could carry, and she wasn’t sure if she’d be hit with any fees for using her credit cards overseas.
Then she grinned, tugging lightly on Loki’s hand, excitement overriding whatever good sense was left in her head.
no subject
Yet not using his magic didn't mean that he forgot it was there. It lingered just on the fringes of his vision, tantalising and tempting. He was a creature of magic and chaos at the core of his being, it felt as though he were deliberately not using a limb or sense by denying himself this integral part of his being. He longed for the embrace of seidr, for the life and connection it gave him to Yggdrasil.
It was foolish and impulsive to potentially risk everything to indulge himself, but a wild recklessness had overcome him. The calculations were near completion, it would not be long before he had to face leaving this small team of mortals who he had become fond of, until he had to discover what lay next on his murky and ill-defined path. Perhaps it was that nearness that pushed him to do this.
He rolled his eyes as she pulled him down the street towards the bank. "Do you think of naught but the exchange of money?" It was a rhetorical question. He had noticed that all humans seemed inordinately preoccupied by the acquisition and then spending of the paper money they prized so highly. Still, if she wished to make such a short stop, he would not complain overly much nor rescind his offer. He would merely wait until she had gathered what funds she wished and they were out of sight down a nearby alleyway and then--
Ah, then.
Then he embraced the energy that was always waiting within him, a tidal wave of power that was barely restrained into the channels he desired it to flow. His hand curled around hers and both of them fell through the spaces between the branches of Yggdrasil. A plethora of colours and sounds entwined both, a maelstrom of madness that stole the breath from lungs and stalled the heart's beat.
It lasted only an endless few seconds before the world coalesced around them once more, showing rolling hills and beautiful meadows. To the west, the hillside fell away into sheer cliff and glittering blue ocean beyond.
"Welcome, Darcy, to the Røsnæs."
no subject
Their express trip through an instantaneously endless brain-breaking nightmare solved that problem for her, possibly leaving behind enough nightmare fuel to plague her for all of eternity.
“Warn me next time?” she said once her mind was able to piece together the fact that they were standing on solid ground. Realizing she had a death grip on Loki, she let him go, distracting herself with the view as she waited for her shaking to stop. That was an unpleasant mode of travel. Next time Loki decided they needed a vacation, she would introduce him to the phenomenon known as airplanes.
Whatever erupted from Loki’s mouth was almost indecipherable. “Bless you,” she said absently, still looking around at the unspoiled land. It was like they’d been dropped in the middle of the Shire, only without cute little hobbit holes and such. She squinted into the distance, half-hoping to catch a glimpse of Gandalf trundling down the path smoking his pipe weed.
It was after her distraction passed that she noticed it wasn’t eleventy billion degrees. She took a deep breath, the tenseness in her shoulders evaporating. An escape from the heat all by itself was appreciated beyond measure.
How far were they from civilization? As convenient as Loki’s method of travel proved to be, she was not the least bit eager to repeat the experience again, especially so soon. However, she wasn’t dressed for extensive walking, and hadn’t thought to stop by the apartment to change. It figured the one day she decided to dress nicely for work, Loki would whisk her away.
The breeze was light, playful, the air cleaner than she’d ever tasted. It would be easy to pretend they were in the middle of absolutely nowhere, with no people around for hundreds or thousands of miles. She should have been terrified. She was alone, with Loki, and there was literally no one to intervene if he decided to turn supervillain and blast her to smithereens.
Instead, she felt grateful. Loki had chosen to share this with her, not only a glimpse of his powers, but this beautiful piece of tranquility he could have horded for his own. Suddenly, a day seemed far too short to spend away from the office, which seemed claustrophobic in comparison. Darcy turned in a slow circle, taking it all in, trying to commit as much of it to memory as she could.
“It’s beautiful here.” She stopped, facing Loki with a grin, seemingly more relaxed than she had been since she had discovered his true identity. The strain of lying, the constant games she had to play to keep his secret, had taken its toll on her. This, it seemed, was Loki’s way of thanking her. Between his idle scrutiny, the way he bypassed her defenses and saw her, and his obvious attempt to share more of himself with her, Darcy was nearly overtaken by emotions unfamiliar and, to an extent, unwanted.
So she fought them back, drawing upon her nearly endless reserve wells, and said playfully, “Where to first?”
no subject
He had been younger then, though nearly as tall as he was now. They were not yet men in their majority, still boys in the eyes of the law and their family, and so they had only been allowed to come to the safe realm of Midgard to explore. Mortals, after all, could pose no threat to princes of Asgard, even ones so young and inexperienced.
It was a bittersweet memory, to think of times so happy. Times before he had begun to see how great the chasm between he and Thor truly was when it came to the affections of Odin and Asgard. Times before he had known all that his life had been built upon was a lie. Times before he had been a monster.
To see that the land was mostly unchanged was pleasant, though he knew that now there were roads and towns not too far from this unspoiled stretch of coastline. He walked forwards a few paces in the long swaying grass and looked out over the glittering sea.
"There are cliffs not far from here, they were my refuge in the months I spent here in my youth. Though I suspect you may be more interested in visiting the local shopping district than indulging my whims for nostalgic travels."
no subject
She could scream as loud as possible - and Darcy could be damn loud - and no one would hear her.
Instead of that filling her with dread or fear, it delighted her. It wasn't something she would seek out on a regular basis, as she was still a rather social creature, but after what they had both gone through, it was nothing short of heaven. No one looking over her shoulder, no one potentially second guessing everything she said. Just her and Loki, and no one to discover their secret.
"Show me," she said, extending her hand. "I want to see all the places you enjoyed as a child." And she did. Shopping could come later, for this trip was more for Loki's sake than her own. That he chose to share it with her was enough to keep that smile on her face even when her cheeks began to ache.
Perhaps this sort of thing could become commonplace between them. Secret locations across the globe they retreated to whenever relations back at the lab became too tense, or one of them was close to falling apart. A bonding experience, a way to continue rebuilding trust between them.
"You'll get bonus points if there is a waterfall. I've never seen one."
no subject
Loki's smile brightened, taking years from his face that the bitterness and anguish of the past few months had burdened him with. He felt free in this moment. It was a dangerous and reckless giddy sensation, one he recalled all too well from many points in his life, usually directly preceding an incident which would lead to him being punished. It was the spark of chaos that lived inside of him, always waiting to be fanned to full flame.
Asgard did not know he still lived. It was, therefore, foolish to continue giving displays of magic. Heimdall may not be able to see him, but there were other things and other ways that Asgard may be alerted, especially if they were drawn to look by abilities no human had possessed since the dawn of time. A lack he felt pity for. He could not imagine being so bereft of the life energy that connected him to Yggdrasil itself.
"Are you afraid of heights, Darcy?"
He asked the question in a low and teasing voice, somehow intimate between them, even as his long fingers curled around hers. He was yet unsure why he had chosen to bring her along, other than she was the first real friend he could claim as his own. She had no reason to hold loyalty to him over Thor, no reason to keep his secrets, and yet she did. That touched him more than he would ever admit, and had only deepened the enjoyment he already felt in her company.