Maybe if he fell asleep, his head would right itself and then everything would be all right again? He could only hope. Sleep, however, all but refused to join him and he ended up blankly staring at nothing for a good twenty minutes after Rogers finally left. He was probably out in the hallway, the asshole.
When he did sleep, it was fairly restful. No voices. No dreams. Nothing.
He woke again slowly, mouth still as dry as a desert, to a nurse checking his pulse. He couldn’t tell that she was also trying not to stare Bucky down, afraid he would make a move to hurt her.
“Are you the doctor,” he asked, unable to tell if the person next to him was in a white coat or not.
“No Mr. Stark. I’m Hannah. I’m your RN. Let me get the doctor for you.”
At least Bucky wasn't wholly ignorant as to what was going on, Steve had quietly told him of his conversation with Tony and what he suspected might be true from what he had seen. Bucky, of course, had hoped that it wouldn't be true, and he leaned forwards as soon as Hannah left the room to go and fetch the doctor.
"Tony," he said, a soft voice only for him. "It's really good to see you awake again, are you-- can you see me?"
Maybe he should have asked in a more subtle way, but Bucky and subtle weren't natural bedfellows anymore. If something this major had happened, then he needed to know up front so that he could figure out how to help.
Tony had exactly one shot to get this right and he lifted a hand as if to place it on James’ neck or cheek. But as close as the other man was, the longer he stayed still, the more impossible it became for Tony to know where he was. His hand missed, not by much, but he failed to connect with any part of Bucky at all.
It made the older man swallow.
“Not that well,” he said, still in half denial, still willing to lie as much as he could through it. “I’m guessing there’s swelling. It happens.” But not with Cho’s machine. It couldn’t. Soft tissue was regrow. There was nothing to cause swelling save for maybe the hole in his skull. Tony could cling to that hope. “I don’t need to see you to know you’re frowning though.”
Bucky felt his heart sink and he reached out to catch the hand that had missed his face, so that he could gently move it into position on his cheek. He tilted a face covered in stubble into a calloused palm, trying not to let himself get too upset about it. Tony would need him to be strong now.
"That's... not exactly an impressive guess, I'm always frowning."
It was kind of his thing.
"It's okay, whatever it is, I'm here. We can work out what we need to do after the doctor has spoken to you and we know more about how permanent this is, okay?"
Tony had expected the worst when it came to Bucky, but he found himself biting his lower lip as his fingers cupped the other man’s cheek. “I’ve seen you smile,” Tony said by way of explanation as to how he was not cheating, thank you. “And I’ll see you smile again.”
It was a promise in a way, but also a threat. Tony wasn’t playing games. He might not be able to see but he was going to figure out a way to make sure he did again.
He was useless without his eyes.
The doctor, however, didn’t have a great outlook for Tony’s determination. There was no swelling, no clot, no loose bone fragment. The issue wasn’t in Tony’s eyes at all, not in the optic nerve either. It was just the roadmap of his brain.
“The tissue we removed was the only reason you could see in the first place,” he said, which made Tony frown.
“Anatomy doesn’t work that way.” Except, of course it did. The brain controlled everything. One little nick here and you forgot your childhood. A bruise there could stop you from walking.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Sta— You need to lie down!”
But Tony disagreed. He pulled the tubes from his arms and struggled to get up. He needed to go.
Even if the nurse or doctor wouldn't be able to stop Tony from getting up, Bucky would. He set his metal hand on Tony's shoulder, so he'd be sure to know who was holding him down even without seeing him, and pushed him right back onto the bed.
"You need to listen to the doctors, you just have a serious operation. I get it, you're scared, you want to find a solution, but that can wait. Jesus, Tony, you could probably learn braille in about ten minutes and carry on like you never stopped."
Sure, it would slow him down for a bit, but Bucky didn't see that this would stop Tony completely. He would learn braille, FRIDAY would be programmed to assist better with voice commands, he'd easily learn how to tell the difference between different tools with just touch. No way that a genius like Stark would ever let something like this slow him down.
As long as he had his mind, he was okay. He would be okay.
“What else can you do for me?” Tony wasn’t just directing this at the doctor, or at James. He wasn’t quite shouting either but he really felt like he was going to start at any moment. “Can you answer that?”
“The brain is a remarkable thing, Mr. Stark—”
Tony couldn’t listen to that. He was doing his best not to freak out here, but he was losing his cool rapidly, like water moving into a rolling boil. “He him out of here, James,” Tony asked, pleaded really. “I can’t handle idiots right now.”
And maybe he was an idiot himself this time but it didn’t change the fact that he needed to grieve a little bit. And he really needed someone to actually take his fears seriously and not have him just wait and see.
The pun wasn’t as amusing as it might have otherwise been.
It was half order and half request, before the weight of Bucky's metal arm disappeared and he turned to face the assembled medical staff. Tony might not be able to see what was going on, but he would surely be able to picture the scene in his mind. Bucky's amazing talent for looking terrifying as all hell without altering his facial expressions at all, a quiet 'request' for them to get out, and the scrambling of footsteps.
Only when they were alone again did Bucky come back and sit on the edge of the bed, making it dip under his weight.
It wasn’t until they got home to the mansion on Long Island thst Tony realized how decistatinf this suddenly was. He thought he knew the rooms, the layout, but all he knew how to do was bump into something or other. It was instantly frustrating. Especially because his sight hasn’t yet indicated that it might come back one day. If everyone was lucky. The doctors didn’t give a prognosis either,
But Bucky? Bucky was wonderful. And in a way that made things a hundred times worse. He was put to bed and had everything he could ever want fetched for him but that didn’t change a thing.
“You’ve got better things to do than look after an old blind man,” Tony grinned, eyes unfocused to the left of where Bucky was standing. “We could watch Netflix and you could tell me how hot everyone is on a sliding scale?”
Bucky wasn't the best at his own emotions, but he knew how to read other people and he was done with this fake grin of Tony's, done watching him pretend like none of this was getting to him, like his pride would make him explode if he admitted for even a second that he needed help.
"Right now, you're gonna cut the bullshit. I have nothing I'd rather do than be with you, told you that I loved you and that ain't gonna change. But this is a big change for you; you're pissed, you're scared, and you need to own that."
He hesitated, a hint of rueful amusement entering his voice. "Trust me, I speak from experience."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
advanced) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fossilised2017-10-23 02:37 pm
no subject
Maybe if he fell asleep, his head would right itself and then everything would be all right again? He could only hope. Sleep, however, all but refused to join him and he ended up blankly staring at nothing for a good twenty minutes after Rogers finally left. He was probably out in the hallway, the asshole.
When he did sleep, it was fairly restful. No voices. No dreams. Nothing.
He woke again slowly, mouth still as dry as a desert, to a nurse checking his pulse. He couldn’t tell that she was also trying not to stare Bucky down, afraid he would make a move to hurt her.
“Are you the doctor,” he asked, unable to tell if the person next to him was in a white coat or not.
“No Mr. Stark. I’m Hannah. I’m your RN. Let me get the doctor for you.”
no subject
"Tony," he said, a soft voice only for him. "It's really good to see you awake again, are you-- can you see me?"
Maybe he should have asked in a more subtle way, but Bucky and subtle weren't natural bedfellows anymore. If something this major had happened, then he needed to know up front so that he could figure out how to help.
no subject
It made the older man swallow.
“Not that well,” he said, still in half denial, still willing to lie as much as he could through it. “I’m guessing there’s swelling. It happens.” But not with Cho’s machine. It couldn’t. Soft tissue was regrow. There was nothing to cause swelling save for maybe the hole in his skull. Tony could cling to that hope. “I don’t need to see you to know you’re frowning though.”
no subject
"That's... not exactly an impressive guess, I'm always frowning."
It was kind of his thing.
"It's okay, whatever it is, I'm here. We can work out what we need to do after the doctor has spoken to you and we know more about how permanent this is, okay?"
no subject
It was a promise in a way, but also a threat. Tony wasn’t playing games. He might not be able to see but he was going to figure out a way to make sure he did again.
He was useless without his eyes.
The doctor, however, didn’t have a great outlook for Tony’s determination. There was no swelling, no clot, no loose bone fragment. The issue wasn’t in Tony’s eyes at all, not in the optic nerve either. It was just the roadmap of his brain.
“The tissue we removed was the only reason you could see in the first place,” he said, which made Tony frown.
“Anatomy doesn’t work that way.” Except, of course it did. The brain controlled everything. One little nick here and you forgot your childhood. A bruise there could stop you from walking.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Sta— You need to lie down!”
But Tony disagreed. He pulled the tubes from his arms and struggled to get up. He needed to go.
no subject
"You need to listen to the doctors, you just have a serious operation. I get it, you're scared, you want to find a solution, but that can wait. Jesus, Tony, you could probably learn braille in about ten minutes and carry on like you never stopped."
Sure, it would slow him down for a bit, but Bucky didn't see that this would stop Tony completely. He would learn braille, FRIDAY would be programmed to assist better with voice commands, he'd easily learn how to tell the difference between different tools with just touch. No way that a genius like Stark would ever let something like this slow him down.
As long as he had his mind, he was okay. He would be okay.
no subject
“What else can you do for me?” Tony wasn’t just directing this at the doctor, or at James. He wasn’t quite shouting either but he really felt like he was going to start at any moment. “Can you answer that?”
“The brain is a remarkable thing, Mr. Stark—”
Tony couldn’t listen to that. He was doing his best not to freak out here, but he was losing his cool rapidly, like water moving into a rolling boil. “He him out of here, James,” Tony asked, pleaded really. “I can’t handle idiots right now.”
And maybe he was an idiot himself this time but it didn’t change the fact that he needed to grieve a little bit. And he really needed someone to actually take his fears seriously and not have him just wait and see.
The pun wasn’t as amusing as it might have otherwise been.
no subject
It was half order and half request, before the weight of Bucky's metal arm disappeared and he turned to face the assembled medical staff. Tony might not be able to see what was going on, but he would surely be able to picture the scene in his mind. Bucky's amazing talent for looking terrifying as all hell without altering his facial expressions at all, a quiet 'request' for them to get out, and the scrambling of footsteps.
Only when they were alone again did Bucky come back and sit on the edge of the bed, making it dip under his weight.
"...I'm here."
no subject
But Bucky? Bucky was wonderful. And in a way that made things a hundred times worse. He was put to bed and had everything he could ever want fetched for him but that didn’t change a thing.
“You’ve got better things to do than look after an old blind man,” Tony grinned, eyes unfocused to the left of where Bucky was standing. “We could watch Netflix and you could tell me how hot everyone is on a sliding scale?”
no subject
Bucky wasn't the best at his own emotions, but he knew how to read other people and he was done with this fake grin of Tony's, done watching him pretend like none of this was getting to him, like his pride would make him explode if he admitted for even a second that he needed help.
"Right now, you're gonna cut the bullshit. I have nothing I'd rather do than be with you, told you that I loved you and that ain't gonna change. But this is a big change for you; you're pissed, you're scared, and you need to own that."
He hesitated, a hint of rueful amusement entering his voice. "Trust me, I speak from experience."