For John Watson

[howdull]

[Sherlock is still finding pieces of the melted laptop in the carpet.

It had actually been quite an ingenious booby trap to be devised by a fourteen year old boy with only household chemicals to work with but, as Sherlock surmised, rather overkill to keep his mother from finding his extensive porn collection. Not one of their more illustrious cases, but it had been quite entertaining to watch both the boy and mother's faces as he revealed that he did know the how and why. He lost interest after the mother started shouting and John started shouting and the whole thing turned tedious.

He rather thinks John won't actually be doing a full write-up of this one on his blog.

It's been two days since their last case and he's beginning to get more than a little antsy. Lestrade has sent him nothing, just a boring hit and run that he refused to even leave the flat for, and nobody interesting has appeared through the blog. Said blog he is currently scrolling through on John's laptop, having borrowed it again.

He did ask, it's not his fault John hadn't been in the room at the time.]

Bored, John.

[He doesn't even know if his flatmate is even in, but that's hardly a necessity for him to actually speak to John. Frustrated, he throws the laptop across the room to hit the wall, where it summarily breaks. Which is where he can be found whenever John appears, sulking amidst pieces of laptop, both from the melted one of their last case and John's poor broken one.]

Comments

[howdull]

[A few of the other patients in the waiting room have started to look over to see what's happening. Sandra just tries to stay calm and conciliatory, she'd rather not have to involve anyone else in this.]

Alright, I know it can seem a bit dumb, but it's just procedure, it's not personal. Everyone has to do it, can you please sit down?

[jumpthegun]

[It's more other people looking over that has John complying than any real desire to save Sandra the trouble. Causing a scene is just going to get him stuck here for even longer.]

I don't need a chair.

[It's stated one more time for the record and the room at large before John sits down and does his best to look like he's ready to hop up at a moment's notice. It's a bit agonizing to sit up straight and stiff, but he does it. He'll only tolerate sitting in the wheelchair until they're arrived at their destination. John won't wait for her to tell him to get up, he just will. Maybe looking a few shades paler than before, a light sheen of sweat on his brow as he breathes shallowly.]

[howdull]

[She's so glad that she's just tasked with bringing him here, because he's clearly going to be a stubborn and difficult patient. What kind of idiot sits bolt upright in pain just to prove a point?]

There's a gown right there, this will be your bed, and the curtains shut if you want some privacy. The doctor will be along as soon as possible, but it might be a bit of a wait, okay?

[Just say okay so that she can go, please.]

[jumpthegun]

It's always a wait.

[Growled under his breath. He meets her eye when he next speaks, though.]

The longer I'm waiting here, the more people are in danger. You might want to let the doctor know that. There's a pair of psychopaths with bombs who're trying to destroy my life. Everyone else around me is collateral to them.

[As soon as the words are out he realizes just how mental that sounds.]

You can confirm that with Detective Inspector Lestrade. He's in the building. I'm not mad.

[howdull]

I'm sure you're not.

[She's definitely going to make sure to alert the doctor on call that he might need a psychiatric consult as well.]

I'll be sure to go and find the Inspector and talk to him, so don't you worry about anything. Just keep calm and get into bed.

[Why is it always her that has to deal with the crazies on shift?]

[jumpthegun]

[He knows that tone and it's galling.]

There's Molly Hooper, too, She's a patient here. She came in after nearly being blown up by one of them this morning. And Sherlock Holmes should've just been in for an exam. He was kidnapped and poisoned earlier this week.

[Look at these very specific names he has! John knows it's something of a losing battle to try to convince this woman when his life the past ten days has been insane.]

I'll put the gown on and lie down, but it'd be better for you lot if you let me out today.

[howdull]

Nobody is keeping you here against your will, you have the ultimate right of your own care and can discharge yourself any time you want. We don't advise it, but we're not legally allowed to stop you.

[She backs up towards the door.]

I will check with the people you've named, okay?

[Definitely a psychiatric evaluation needed.]

[jumpthegun]

[John takes half a step toward her before realizing that that's really not going to help. He just rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the gown that's been laid out for him. He really hates this. It's a process to remove his clothes, but he makes sure they're folded and set within easy reaching distance on a bedside table once he's put on the gown.

Lying down on his side isn't all that comfortable, but he's aware that on his back or on his stomach is going to be even worse. He grabs his phone and texts Lestrade.]

FROM: JOHN
TO: LESTRADE

I'm in Room 313 in the burn ward. Please come up here so they don't try to give me a psych eval, as well as the rest of this nonsense. I want to know what happened with Jim. I'm checked in. Happy?

[howdull]

[There's no response by the phone, but about five minutes later an extremely grumpy looking Lestrade strides into the room and flops into the chair beside John's bed.]

I hate both of you, have I said that yet today?

[He could have had a nice boring job, no crazy consulting detectives or stubborn ex-soldier doctors.]

[jumpthegun]

Feeling's mutual.

[Right at this very moment, it's extremely mutual. John is lying down, sheets pulled up to preserve what dignity he can in a hospital gown.]

Did you arrest Jim?

[He's fulfilled his side of this ridiculous bargain. It's Lestrade's turn now.]

[howdull]

Tried to.

[He lacks the energy to keep fighting back, and at least John has fulfilled his part of this bargain.]

But then the spooks arrived and took him off, there was nothing I could do about it, they had the right paperwork.

[jumpthegun]

Mycroft.

[It's accompanied by a noise of frustration.]

Did you even interrogate him, or am I in here for no reason?

[You have to give him something. John's half-tempted to get up, get dressed and stalk out if he went through all of this just to be told Lestrade has nothing. He won't, but he'll think very hard about it.]

[howdull]

I managed to question him for a while before MI6 arrived, but I'm not sure how much useful I got.

[He sighs and runs a hand over his face.]

I got that same impression from him as I get when I'm in a room with Sherlock, like I'm just some bug being examined under a genius' microscope, and that scares me. He flat out admitted to the bombing, but he claims it was the act of a jilted ex-boyfriend.

[jumpthegun]

Bastard.

[John's fingers clench into a fist. His anger is no longer directed at Lestrade, at least, it's back on Jim where it belongs.]

He knows there's Molly and me to testify that's absolute nonsense, right?

[He can't figure out the logic, the game. Does the man think he can just buy everyone off? Maybe he can get John's testimony discredited as the ravings of a mentally compromised man, but there's no case to make there for Molly.]

[howdull]

I got the idea that he was just playing with me, making up a story as he went along. I think he knew, somehow, that the spooks would come for him.

[That isn't an encouraging thought.]

I don't know what they want with him, or what they'll do with him. Wish I did.

[jumpthegun]

Lock him up and throw away the key, if we're lucky.

[Or put a bullet through his head if they're really lucky.]

Think he's the one who's been facilitating Caroline more than the other way 'round. Sherlock said there's been some break in the pattern. The letters don't make sense. A is for Alcoholic, B is for Baker Street, C is for Consulting Detective. Those ones make sense. She's taking things away from me that she lost, her family, her friends, her home. D is for Dishonor or Disgrace and E was for Estranged. Her husband was honorably discharged, though. And estrangement doesn't make much sense, either. That's what we were talking about before you turned up.

Did you find him at the canteen?

[howdull]

Yeah.

[His expression sours significantly and immediately.]

I told him my terms, same as you, and he agreed right away. Should've known it was too good to be true. He went into the damn consultation room, told them about his fits, and then did his-- Sherlock thing until the nurse was crying and the doctor told him that he was reserving the right to refuse to treat him in line with NHS policy. Smug bastard told me to tell you that he'll collect his prize later as he was being escorted off the premises.

[jumpthegun]

What?!

[There are a lot of people to be angry at just now.]

That bloody-!

[He moves to get up.]

I said I'd stay here as long as he did. That was the deal.

[And if Sherlock's not here...]

[howdull]

For God's sake, John.

[It explodes out of him in an irate growl.]

You're not a damn child, you're a doctor, and so you should know when you need to be in a hospital. Swallow your stupid pride, and stay here, or I swear to God this is the last help you'll get from me on this.

[jumpthegun]

[That gives him pause. He does need Lestrade, as much as Lestrade needs Sherlock. But this isn't right. John snaps back.]

It's not about pride. [It's a little bit about pride.] It's about lying abed being useless while there are a couple of terrorists with bombs and poison out murdering people close to me. They got Harry, they nearly got Sherlock and Molly. They might be going after my CO. They're trying to get me arrested for bloody war crimes! I haven't got any money to do anything, not even pay for my own sister's burial, and I'm living off charity. [Quite a bit of pride might be tied up in this...]

I don't have time to get well. Everyone here might be in danger. Jake just gave me a ride and he got shot through the stomach. What the hell d'you think Caroline's gonna do to an entire hospital full of people? You couldn't stop her. Mycroft Holmes and the whole bloody government couldn't stop her!

[He's panicking. He's shouting and he's panicking and he can feel the sear of paranoia burning through everything. Lestrade couldn't be stopping him from getting out for a reason, could he? No. He's a friend, but what if...? He couldn't be bought. John thinks too much of him for that. But blackmailed? Could Jim have got to him some way?]

You're in danger. You shouldn't be helping me. Anyone who- You need to get out. I won't call you again. M is for Met... N for New Scotland Yard. P for Police. You're too many letters. [Too many chances to be targeted, hurt.]

[howdull]

[Lestrade is a bit taken aback, brow furrowing in concern as his anger drains away a bit. He knows that John has a bit of a hangup from his time in the army, some hints of paranoia, but this is the first time he's really seen it come out so strongly. Dealing with this isn't his strength.]

I'm the police, John, helping people even when it's dangerous is sort of what I do for a living. You can't do this just on your own, and you're no use to anyone if you keep pushing yourself to the point you collapse.

[Will logic work? Maybe.]

You have time to take a day or two, and then sort things through one at a time. Let us work on finding Matthews for now, and trust us to protect the people here. We're not as incompetent as Sherlock makes us out to be, you know?

[jumpthegun]

Then why is Harry dead? Why is Sherlock gonna have intermittent seizures for the rest of his life? Why's Molly in another ward with a broken arm? Why's Jake got a hole in his stomach?

[He's sitting up and reaching for his clothes now, ignoring how the quick movements hurt, how his breath is coming much too short.]

I know-I know you're not incompetent, but Jim made it onto a military base. There are officers. He might have officers. He might be following things, planting evidence...

[Logic is taking a back seat for the time being.]

[howdull]

I am sorry about your sister, John.

[And he is, there's sympathy there behind it all, but he's not backing down from this.]

But maybe the rest of that wouldn't have happened if you and Sherlock weren't so bloody keen to go off on your own and keep us in the dark. It's like you think we're working against you, hospital staff too, and you know damn well that we're not.

[jumpthegun]

[They are working against him. They're keeping him here. They're wasting time on him instead of being out there. They might be bought. They might be blackmailed. They might be victims waiting to happen. There's a voice screaming in his head, and this room is too small, the walls are too close. He needs to get out. He needs to get back to Sherlock--Sherlock's in danger. Molly's in danger. Sarah and Mrs. Hudson and James and Bill and Mike are all in danger.

He can picture each and every one of them dead, blown to bits, poisoned, strangled, shot. This is the battlefield. London is a warzone for anyone and everyone around him.

John squeezes his eyes shut and pauses to reach up and clutch his hair.]

I can't do this. I can't stay. I just keep seeing all of you- I can't. I'm sorry, I can't. I need to solve this. Catch Caroline. I need... I need to pay Clara back, you, Molly, Sherlock. I need to get work. Money. I need to make sure they don't get James. They might be after James.

[howdull]

[This is so far above his pay grade. He's not a psychiatrist, and he's not really sure how to deal with someone who's taken a head first dive into full on paranoia. So there's a moment when he considers going to find a doctor, before he just sits on the edge of the bed and rests his hand on John's shoulder.]

Alright, John. Alright.

[Poor lad.]

You're tired and you're stressed, that's why all of this is seeming too much. You know we're not working against you, and we want to help. I can help, I can keep those people safe, and you'll be much more capable of helping to do all the things you need to after a bit of rest.