fossilised | I come from a land of ice and snow

I come from a land of ice and snow

Asgard sat atop the branches of Yggdrasil since time began, and little had changed in their society in the years since. Each Asgardian was long-lived into the millennia, their lands were fertile, their people brave and strong. They had their vassals, their allies, and their enemies. Yet even those who opposed them respected the might of the Golden Dias, and the royalty who sat upon it. Currently that was Odin Borson, though he grew weary more easily now and had begun to consider passing the throne to his eldest son.

He had been blessed with many children, but only two that he considered worthy of his lineage and status. His firstborn, Thor, strong and honourable and everything an Asgardian warrior should be. His second son, Loki, was not natural born, though none knew that but his wife. He was different, a creature of magic and mayhem, of sharp intelligence. Both were worthy, but together they would take Asgard to a new prosperity, he was certain of it.

Midgard, where the mortals dwelt, was a land raided every few centuries for stock. It was seen as a breeding ground, much like a corral for cattle. Mortals were lesser, short-lived and weak, they were fit only as slaves. The last raid had taken place when Loki had been but a baby, nearly a thousand years ago, but the mortals that had been taken had been bred and cared for so that a healthy slave population still thrived. Slaves were given a weakened mixture of Idunn's crop with their food, to extend their natural lives to at least a few centuries in order to make them worth the effort to train. They had no rights, but they were taught well that this was their natural position.

All slave children were raised in a central pen and taught the same when small, those that then displayed talent at cooking, riding, hunting, housework, artisan skills, or singing were then measured off to be specially trained for higher masters. Every five years those who could afford to buy a slave, or those of high enough status to simply demand them, came to the corral and chose. Those who were chosen were special, were envied, and those who were not ended up working the fields out in the far reaches of Asgard, the most menial of work.

Anthony and Steven had been friends since they were little and being raised in the large pens together. Both had excelled, Anthony at crafting and Steven at warrior's skills, but neither were chosen when they were five, nor ten, nor even fifteen. Now, at twenty, it was their final chance to be chosen before they would be assigned to one of the meanest farmers beyond the borders of the great capital. Steven woke Anthony as the dawn rose, mingled excitement and nerves on his face.

"Anthony! Wake up, I've got news! I heard the overseer talking to one of the passing guards, and Princes Thor and Loki are coming to the corral today."

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"Okay, so I order you not to listen to any more orders!" Things could never be that simple. Tony knew that. "What's wrong with you? No one is just a weapon. I mean, you've done a really good job of breaking out of it so just finish breaking out the rest of the god damned way!" Tony was shouting. He couldn't seem to reign in control of his voice. That might be a problem later. But for now? For now he didn't even concern himself about it because it was all just so damned insane.

Bucky needed to be his touchstone here so he was going to have to snap out of nearly a century of torture. Tony always got his way so that was just how all of this was going to work.

"I mean come on! Hasn't he told you to do other stuff? You don't need to be told to stop doing those things too, so you? Help me out here, Jimmy! I'm going to help you so you can help me. It's the American way!"

The loudness of Stark's voice didn't get to him too much, he had heard worse, and it contrasted with how quiet and hoarse his own voice was. He looked up at the shorter man through a curtain of hair that had been allowed to grow even longer since his capture, eyes sorrowful.

"It's set commands, not any order. I am breaking through."

That he could even fight back at all was a huge step that nobody seemed content with. They wanted him to be okay now, to get his memories back now, to be support or friend. He didn't know how to be either, not really.

"You think you want me to help you because I'm broken and it makes you feel better about being broken too." That was true, but he probably shouldn't have said it so bluntly. "You want me to finish breaking out, so you break out too. Easy as that, right?"

Hypocrite.

"What I want is for everything to go back to the way it was four or five months ago when I was the best thing since sliced bread, when no one bothered to tell me that my dad's favorite person alive was out of the ice and there were no such thing as Aliens with the ability to move through the fabric of space-time! I want to snap my fingers and make everything normal again so the least you can do is... Is... I don't know."

The fight fell out of him. Tony knew he was being a huge bastard right now and they really wasn't the person he wanted to be. He rubbed his hands on his pants since the palms were sweating and started to do something he never did at home: he cleaned up the mess. Steve worked hard on this and... And Tony needed to keep busy with his hands.

"Turning on each other won't do anyone any good. Sorry. I'm just afraid that I'm never going to get better. And I hardly lived through anything."

"It won't go back," he said, blunt but not trying to be cruel. He just watched as Stark started to right the furniture and get things back to how they were, unsure if he felt sorry for him or not. "You're alive, so you can get better from anything. Not all the way, there'll be scars and you'll be different, but who the hell cares?"

It was the closest he had come to admitting that he wanted to live since he had started to break through what happened to him. And that was horrific, decades of torture, but he still wanted to prove that he could be something else.

"Get revenge. Be more than what they made you."

Whether they made him a weapon on purpose, or just made him broken through their actions. Living and finding new purpose, new happiness, was the best revenge there could be.

"You're right. I can't believe I'm taking life coaching from someone like you but... You're right."

In the hallway, Steve listened to what Tony said, the conclusion of his discussion with Bucky, and held the pot of healing honey to his chest. He closed his eyes, not jealous of the exchange. He was just relieved that Bucky was talking at all. He looked up at the ceiling, stone and wood shot through with lighted tubes of purple and orange, beautiful but a reminder that this was not their home. Even with everything that Earth offered, so different from what he was used to, at least he could still call it home. It was alien only in time, not place.

Releasing his breath, he went silently back down the stairs, finding Clint seasoning the steaks he'd cut, oven already on, humming to himself with a towel over his shoulder. "Five minutes each side-- they took their pans with them or I would sear the surface first/". He looked at home in a kitchen. "Is all the yelling upstsirs over?"

Bucky knew that Steve had listened in, his hearing was just as acute as the other super soldier, but he gave no indication of it. Honestly, he was grateful that Steve had shown the understanding to back off, it gave him a little bit of hope that maybe they could all muddle through this.

"So you have to figure out how to make that possible," concluded Bucky. "What happened to you isn't the fault of anyone here, learn how to deal with it and live."

He turned from Stark to sit back on the edge of the bed, still looking feverish and upset, but unwilling to show any more weakness because of it. He wouldn't be their weapon any more, he just-- he had to figure out how to stop.

Down in the courtyard, Steve looked like he might cry though whether from relief or sorrow he had no idea, just nodding at Clint and taking a heavy seat nearby.

Clint just spoke. He wasn't nervous and he didn't feel the need to fill the place up with sound, he just wanted to talk. Mostly, he found this place to be interest. A little modern, a little high fantasy like Lord of the Rings, a little sci Fi. "Why would they put their kitchens outside? They have three toilets in the bathroom but their ovens and stoves are all outside? Crazy right? And their showers? Wow. Four shower heads? It's like being at a spa. Minus most of the furniture. They probably took the good stuff with them, all their posters and the computers and stuff, but I keep picturing these Centaur people? Like half horse? The stairs are a little too deep and shallow. Like the stairs you'd lead a horse up to the stage on at a circus."

Eventually, the smell of the cooking steaks brought Tony and Bucky down, both quiet save for Tony announcing that there weren't any plates or utensils to be found. Not here and not on the Asgardian vessel either. "Supplies, yes, but not a single fork. So weird."

Savages.

"Hey, who let Barton cook?"

Clint just smirked. "Same guy that's gonna eat your steak man."

Bucky reached over and grabbed one of the steaks, his metal fingers keeping him safe from being burned, and took a bite quickly before any of the others could. He analysed it as he had been taught to do in cases of poison, and in cases where he might have to survive rough, and found it to taste a little like kangaroo. Not bad, not dangerous.

He nodded to the others as if to give them permission and set his own steak back down for now.

"Is that the medical salve?" He stepped in close to Steve and gestured at the little pot set off to one side. He didn't want it for the bloody gashes on his side, but a part of him wondered if he swallowed it... would it help with the broken pieces in his brain?

Since Barnes seemed all right, Barton put the rest of the steaks on some bricks he had scrubbed clean and smirked. "This seems a little hipster to me," he laughed and Tony, smirk coaxed from his lips, nodded.

"It kind of does." They picked at their steaks as Steve turned the little jar around to show the runs for healing. Bucky did his best to teach him the language of their oppressors on the journey here and Steve was a fast learner.

It helped that he tended to retain information that might be useful later. And healing? That was a useful word.

"It smells like the stuff he put on me too so I'd say yes. I thought maybe dinner poisoned you and... Do you want help applying it? I know you'll heal quickly but every little bit helps, pal."

Bucky took the pot gently from Steve and glanced over the runes, definitely a healing product, so it was worth a try. He should tell the other man that it had been his words that had destroyed Bucky for a time, but he didn't want to see the look of guilt or deal with the apologies. Maybe it wouldn't be necessary to tell him, maybe he'd be healed in the next five minutes.

After all, he had seen some amazing things done with this honey before now.

He popped the lid off and just downed the whole pot, before looking up at Steve with eyes that were desperately hopeful even if the rest of his expression remained in that learned blankness.

"Maybe it'll fix what's broken in my head."

Right? Then he could be the friend that Steve remembered again.

Big blue eyes widened. He didn't say anything, he just looked like he wanted to leap forward and stuck his fingers down his throat. "Buck, sometimes you should... Maybe look into it more before you just do it..." Most medicines for scrapes and bumps were not meant to be ingested and what if it was the same with that honey? Then again, it was really hard to poison them. And hard to medicate them. And hard to be in a position where you'd need to medicate them. Bucky would be all right. Probably. "Are... How's your stomach?"

Barton just watched with the steak hanging out of his mouth. Stark was a little less concerned. The man fought a boar-cat with bare hands and bent alien metal bars. He doubted some dubious medication was going to hurt him. Or heal him. "Stuff doesn't usually work that way," he pointed out.

Steve ignored him. There wasn't hope in his eyes for Bucky, just worry. "It's really okay if you don't remember, Bucky. It is."

The Asgardian honey was an amazing thing, it had been originally created using the magic of all Nine Realms and the dew of Yggdrasil itself. It could heal most wounds, but it was not usually ingested to attempt to heal mental damage for it could not fix thought processes.

But Bucky's problems were a weird mix of physical and mental, so they could help in a way. The neurons that had been destroyed, the pathways broken by the endless electrocution, and the scarification that had remained - that could be dealt with. And it would be.

"It's--"

That was the only word that Bucky managed to get out before fireworks went off inside his head. An overwhelming sea of colour and sound and smell, enough to have him dropping to the ground with his eyes squeezed tightly shut and his hands clamped over his ears.

"Bucky?! Buck! No no no no no!" Steve didn't hesitate, falling to his knees beside the other man to pull his head up onto his lap and make sure that, if this was a seizure, he didn't flail around too badly and hurt himself further. He had no other idea on what to do, maybe catch his tongue, but Bucky's jaw was cletched tightly.

There wasn't much to do for him, so he just held on, stroking his hair at once point.

Tony and Clint stood around, a distance away to give them space, and glanced at one another. There was nothing to do about any of this. Nothing but wait it out. Tony just wished that Barnes would have poisoned himself after dinner. He was starving.

It didn't take long really, in the grand scheme of things, just fifteen minutes before all of his muscles relaxed at once and his mind pulled him into a deep sleep. He needed the rest in order for the medicine to finish working properly and connect all the broken synapses of his brain. It had been a risky move, but it would pay off when he woke up in a couple of days.

It was just a shame that Steve didn't know that.

When Bucky went limp, he felt as if his heart had stopped and immediately checked for breathing in desperation. When he felt hot breath against his cheek and confirmed it with a steady pulse against his fingertips, he sat up looking exhausted and heartbroken.

"Buck? Bucky, wake up-- Buck, c'mon."

He glanced over his shoulder at Clint and Tony, wordlessly asking for help that he had no idea if either of them even knew how to give.

Clint took the lead on this one. Cap was of no use desperately clinging to the man and Tony looked like he would rather be anywhere but here. So, to help keep a little order, the archer knelt and checked Bucky's vitals since Steve seemed to be on the verge of collapse. He was surprised to find Bucky's pulse so strong. "Okay." Here was his assessment, hands running down his thighs as he forced Steve to look at him. "He's alive. He's doing good. You can feel it too. Right now he's just asleep. I wouldn't even say it's a coma, his heart rate is nice and equalized, not dangerously low either if he's like you with a metabolism like you. So here's what we do. Cap, put him to bed. Don't tuck him in, the blanket needs to be loose. And then come right back down here and eat."

He was expecting a protest and so he paused to let Steve get as far as an open mouth.

"Nope listen to me. Upstsirs. Bed. Back down here to eat. He told me and Stark on the way over that he hadn't slept in like a week. So my guess is that the shock to his system prompted the need to sleep and you're just gonna let him do it. We still have a mission right? Cap? Look at me. We still have work to do."

Steve had always been someone who believed in duty above everything, and if it had been anyone else then he would have immediately seen the wisdom in Clint's words and did as he said. But this was Bucky. This was his best friend, this was someone who had saved his life so many times over and made it worth living, he was Steve's real weak spot and for a moment he wavered.

But eventually he just nodded, shoulders sagged, and picked Bucky up to take him inside. He took maybe a bit longer than necessary getting him comfortable, setting a pillow under him, making sure he had the softest blanket loosely over him... and then he finally went back to join the others downstairs.

"Okay-- so you're right, we have a mission and we need to talk about it. I understand if you both need a few days recoup, and I'm sorry about what happened to you. Truly, I am."

Clint gave Steve the high sign, a little jut of the jaw to the left and right. Bad idea to apologize. It might set Tony off. Stark, however, was just sitting and eating, jaw moving and eyes straight ahead. Bucky going down was a blow to him. If someone like Bucky couldn't cut it, how was he going to manage?

So Clint cleared his throat and return to his seat and his own steak. He ate in silence and when everyone was finished, he glanced at Steve's direction and nodded.

"Okay Stark. Any way you can use anything here as a weapon? We have to rescue those people." Barton's jaw set as he watched Tony stare at nothing for a moment.

"Not a weapon. But I can disable their ships. I'm going to need some time with the databanks in the skiff."

"Okay, good, that's a start. How long do you think you might need with those databanks? We can work around that."

Steve wasn't going to set a deadline and say that everything had to be ready to go in a few days. As much as it hurt to know that there were people stranded and imprisoned, with horrible things happening to them, they would do them no good in trying to rescue them too soon with no solid plan and failing.

They had a deadline of another seven months before the training was supposedly 'over', he would deal with the consequences of taking longer.

"Then Clint, you and me need to work on weaponry. There's bound to be things we can use here if we put our ingenuity to it."

"Not a clue," Tony spoke up. "Your boyfriend wouldn't let me touch anything. Few weeks at least. This is a new set of rules and physics to deal with. I'll teach myself the language and go from there." Tony stood up and dusted himself off. "I'll just take one of those over the top bedrooms and sleep on board. There's food enough there. So as they say in the business. Don't call me, I'll call you."

Having his own place for awhile, his own work and his own space without anyone else barging in? That sounded like the best vacation from the horror story he was living yet. Tony wandered off towards the ship and disappeared into the blackness beyond the recessed lights.

Clint smiled up at Steve and shook his head.

"You need to sleep. I'll do the dishes. For what they are... And tomorrow morning, we can get to work on whatever you need to do to keep busy." He was such a dad. No one ever seemed to take notice though.

Clint was a good guy, Steve was only just coming to appreciate how good. They needed someone with that solid and unshakeable core in their team, who could make sure everyone else did the things they needed to do while looking after themselves. So he just nodded, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"Thanks, make sure you get some sleep yourself, though, okay?"

He was too tired to argue against Clint doing most of the work. So he trudged up to the room he had put Bucky in and settled himself on a nearby bed, asleep in a few moments.

It would be Bucky that woke up first, having slept for almost ten hours. He felt-- weird as hell when he woke up. He had a lot more memories than he did, though not all of them, and yet he wasn't the man he used to be. He still had the baggage of the Soldier, and that was a weird thing to deal with. He swung his legs over the side of the bed as quietly as he could, trying not to wake Steve, though how successful that would be was anyone's guess.

Bucky managed to get all the way to the door before the feel of the vibrations on the floor roused him. He opened his eyes, focused on Bucky's now empty bed and sat up just a little too quickly. A sharp drawing breath spoke of panic before he found the creeping man by the doorjam.

"Buck?" He lifted s hand to his eye and knuckled away the sleep as he used to do when he was a child. His smile was infectious and cautiously optimistic. "Hey-- you all right, pal?"

Steve would do anything for his friend. Move mountains, lay on the wire, fetch him some water-- whatever he needed.

"I don't know," he said, his voice more human than it had been the last few days. It was still too quiet, too hoarse, but it had a slight softness to it that spoke of emotion rather than the neutral creature he had been before. "I don't know if I made a big mistake or not."

He turned to look at Steve, suddenly assaulted by memories of all the other times he had seen him sit up just like that. It made him want to throw his arms around Steve and apologise, it made him want to cry.

"I remember-- you, me, most of it. But I remember all of what HYDRA did as well, and I don't know who I am at the moment."

Steve pressed a hand to his mouth and pulled the covers aside. He didn't need them, he could regulate without a sheet at night, but it made him feel more normal to do normal people things. He was bare from mid thigh down and navel on up, hunched s little with his feet hovering over the bare planks.

"You don't have to figure it out right now," he offered after a moment, the first real hope in his eyes. "And you don't have to do it alone." He pushed off for. The mattress but didn't completely approach.

Bucky might need the alone time.

He just hoped he didn't. Steve was so tired of being alone. "I'm with you ever step."

Of course he was, he never doubted that Steve would say otherwise. It was familiar in a way it hadn't been before and it hurt, like lemon juice into shallow cuts, a reminder that he hadn't fixed everything. Because now he remembered pretty much everything about both lives, and he knew solidly that he was never going to fully be that man again. There would be pieces of him, just like there would be pieces of the Soldier, and he didn't know if that would be enough for Steve.

"Til the end of the line; right, pal?"

His words were soft and a little sad, but he didn't draw away when Steve approached him, even if he had no idea whether he wanted to be near or far right now.

"I don't think I can ever be who I was, Steve. Maybe this is the end of the line?"

"None of us are." He didn't move any closer. Steve wasn't going to chase here. "And none of us expect... But you're still Bucky Barnes. You were Bucky Barnes were you didn't think you had or deserved a name and you're Bucky Barnes now and..."

He'd been messing up left an right with Tony. Bucky told him he was handling Stark wrong. Barton told him he was handling Stark wrong. Tony himself was... He didn't know what to do or say to help and so he did not do to say anything for a longer moment, shoulders hunched.

"It's only the end of the line when we both are really gone. And right now, I don't see any end in sight. You're as stuck with me now as I was stuck with you when we were younger." It was a cheeky thing to say. "You're the only one who's ever understood me. You don't really think I'm gonna give that up so easy, do you?"

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