fossilised | I come from a land of ice and snow

Anthony himself was knocked off of his feet, and he fell back against his arm with a thud. He hadn't hurt anything too badly, but his shoulder would smart for awhile. Still, it took him a moment to pull himself back up. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, swollen from having been bitten, but it didn't deter him from speaking. "You said you could find a way to go with you."

To Jotunheim.

Anthony shut the door to his chambers and returned, only slightly limping. "And the All-Father seems to think I might be useful. To you. To your magic. You saved me from a life of misery and death, Loki. I will follow you anywhere you let me." Even if that was to death.

Anthony waited to be hit or reprimanded for speaking out, but as he waited, he also took one of Loki's hands in both of his own.

Perhaps that would offer him solace if not strength.

"You know nothing, Anthony," he spat, taking his hand away with a vicious jerk. He wasn't truly angry, just frightened, but he didn't express that sort of emotion particularly well. "This is no campaign that you can assist me with, the All-Father intends for me to die on Jotunheim."

He knew that for truth.

His sorcery was nothing compared to that of Jotnar that had lived and trained for millennia, especially now that they were in possession of the Casket again. Taking his brother would do nothing, only let him see the shame of Loki's life before he was killed. He couldn't do this. He didn't want to do this.

"You know all of that is bullshit right?" Anthony had not learned humility in the year apart from Loki, that was for sure, and with remenants of his Master's scent and seed still in him and on him, he felt himself able to pick up where they left off in terms of comraderie. "He wants you to avenge yourself. Whatever happened to you. And he's giving you access to everything in his kingdom. If he thought you'd die he wouldn't send Prince Thor. Or his army. Or give you access to the sorcerer's library--"

Anthony crossed his arms over his chest.

"He's giving you all the means you need to reclaim your honor, Master." He was stepping over his boundaries in the worst way. He'd be punished for this, surely. "He's being a good father to you."

Anthony wasn't wrong that he was overstepping, and overstepping greatly. Perhaps if it had been phrased more gently, or Loki had not been so afraid, he might have been willing to listen to this advice. But now he did not, and to hear it coming from the mouth of his own slave felt like one betrayal too many.

"Get out."

The words were low, hissed out like an angry snake rather than shouted. He could not shout or he would kill Anthony there where he stood.

"Get out and do not return to my presence, or I swear that I will send you to Hel myself."

Anthony left with tears in his eyes, knowing he had said what needed to be said, hoping that Loki would come to understand that, but feeling as if he had just dismantled his own happiness in the process. Wasn't that what a good slave was supposed to do though? Put their Master first? Above anyone and everything?

That did not make him feel even remotely better and his retreat from Loki's chambers turned into a job and then an all out run to Bruce's room. He knew the older slave would not be there, as he was still currently serving Odin as he returned to sit once more on the throne, but there was a comfort to his bed, to his smell and to the smell of all of the old books that lined the walls. Anthony hid like a child under his blankets and cried himself into stillness.

It hurt to hurt Loki. He felt like he'd just willingly severed off a limb.

Bruce may only be the personal slave of Odin sometimes, but he knew that he had favour. He was not intimate with his master as the slaves of his sons were with their owners, but he occasionally offered mild advice. He knew it would be listened to, even if not taken, because of how carefully he thought things through.

He merely said to his master that his younger son was only just not a child, and that love was a hard thing to foster. Treat him gently now, and he may earn loyalty that would only become resentment if he forced Loki to do this task. He did not say Odin was wrong, merely left it at that and waited to be dismissed.

Bruce was not expecting to find Anthony in his bed when he arrived, allowing himself a tiny silent sigh for it being one thing after another, before he sat down and laid a hand on the quivering blankets.

And that was a reason that Bruce was so prized, too. He was capable of a great deal of stamina. Unfortunately, Anthony saw the same strength in Bruce that Odin did, and so there was no other person that Anthony went to when he needed comfort. "I've been dismissed," he whispered.

It was a day he had been dreading for a year, though he'd expected it to come for other reasons. Not this one. Never this one. And given his treatment the last few days, he'd been too bold with his words. He'd grown comfortable knowing that Loki cared for him.

Anthony moved over to allow Bruce a little more access to his own bed. It was the least he could do.

"I have to leave. He said if he so much as saw me again..."

Well, being killed would be better than exile.

"I don't know where to go, Bruce."

Bruce sat down heavily.

It was Loki's right to dismiss or even kill his own property if he wanted to, he didn't even have to have a reason for it. Though it was frowned upon to be too cruel, some owners did just kill slaves that they had become tired of, or left them to lives of drudgery on one of the farms.

"Tell me what happened."

Though it was a slave's job to say what a master might not want to hear, it didn't necessarily sit as a good idea if that master was Loki. He was not stable, he was not mature, and he was still too fragile internally. Especially after his meeting with Odin.

He truly hoped his words would sink in with the All-Father. Tough love was not a good idea in this case, it would just break their family further.

"I can't." Anthony said, because telling Bruce could break Loki's confidence. "I can't tell you anything more. Just let me stay here a little while. I'll leave. I'll figure out where to go after that." He hoped. He didn't quite have a direction though, but he knew that he could not stay. Even hidden in Bruce's room, he would just end up a burden. A slave without a master did not belong in a great house.

As for Odin, he was indeed considering what Bruce said and was in conference with his wife. The Casket could not stay on Joyunheim. By right, Loki ought to be the one to retrieve it. To send Thor alone would disgrace Loki. Frigga knew his son's heart better than any. So it was to Frigga he went for answers his own wisdom could not supply.

But that did not cure the situation with Anthony.

One slave was trivial though. Even if that one slave was destined for so much with his son.

"You'll care for him, right. Bruce? He needs someone to love him. He has trouble loving himself."

Frigga counselled much the same as Bruce had done. Her youngest was too fragile in his belief that he was loved, too eager to doubt that he belonged on Asgard, he would need to be shown these things through gentility and safety. Tough love could wait for another time. The Casket must be retrieved, but to send Loki to do it would be folly. She would go herself to save the pride of her youngest and the life of her oldest.

Not that the slaves knew any of these things were occurring.

Bruce shook his head, though not in a refusal to care for Loki, more in disappointment that this situation was even happening.

"Alright, don't tell me. Just tell me if he dismissed you in anger, or if it was a calculated choice."

"Anger." Such anger. "He told me to never return to his sight of he'd kill me," Anthony said. Loki often said things in anger he didn't mean but he wasn't Thor or Odin or Frigg. He couldn't get away with letting him cool off and returning because Loki's Pride would never let him bow to a slave. Even if he loved that slave more than most others. "He destroyed his chambers in that same anger. I overstepped. I was too confident and... He told me my first day in his service to mind my mouth and it's been nearly a fully Midgardian lifetime and I haven't figured out how."

Anthony pulled himself up to look st Bruce with beautiful, wet amber-hued eyes. He wrapped his arms around the usually stand offish slave and held him as if this might be the last time time he was able to.

"He won't change his mind this time, Bruce," Anthony whispered. "I'm sunk. I have only myself to blame. So please mind him." A sigh escaped his lips as he pressed his face against Bruce's neck. "If I were female or you were, I would ask to be yours. You've meant so much to me here. And we would have some really cute kids."

"Stop being so dramatic," said Bruce, though his voice was still sympathetic and his hand came up to rest on Anthony's back comfortingly. Honestly, he had never seen a slave so given to histrionics as Anthony, he was definitely a good fit for Loki. "Anger can cool, and it often does with Prince Loki. I've been sent away from him before, but I still serve him sometimes now."

It would have been a much harder case to deal with if he had been dismissed as a logically thought through action, that sort of thing didn't tend to be swayed by emotion and time.

"Of course he's not going to apologise to you. But I would wager that one day soon he'll send for you, and expect you to go to him as though nothing has changed. He won't acknowledge what he did, and as long as you don't either, then he can go back to normal without sacrificing his pride."

Bruce's dismissal of the severity of the situation, and his not so subtle turning down of Anthony's hypothetical situation did not make the younger man feel any better. Even if Bruce was right and Loki requested him to return, Anthony would always been worried that it would happen again. He loved taking chances, he loved the thrill of dangerous situations, but not when it came to his heart.

"If that's true... I'll wait for him. I'll find a place in the slave quarters and wait until he needs me."

Hopefully that wouldn't take too long. Anthony was not patient.

When he left Bruce's room, he would dig out a place for himself in an empty bunk and set his jerkin aside. He had projects to work on at least. Something to keep him busy. Occupation was the only thing that kept Anthony from falling to apathy.

When dinner came, Thor stomped his way to Loki's chambers, Steven in tow, and dropped into one of the chairs at an unset table bare of food. Without Anthony, no meal had been set. Thor looked even more gloomy. "You must also be upset, brother, being denied what is our right." Thor glanced to Steven and the blond would know to fetch drinks. He'd learned quickly. "To have our mission taken from us-- and all because Mother is bored?! A Queen should never be bored!"

Loki had spent much of the day after visiting with Odin pacing and furious. Terrified for what would come, regretting the loss of his slave, and feeling as though his whole world had been pulled from underneath him once more. This was no act of redemption, this was revenge, and he would be shamed by it.

He had truthfully forgotten that he had promised to dine with Thor, and looked up in irritation when his brother interrupted to sink into a chair. Words of accusation and annoyance were cut short, though, as the implication of Thor's grumbles sank in.

"Mother is going to Jotunheim in our stead? Does Father know?"

Surely not. After all Odin had said about punishment and not allowing Loki to get away with it, he cannot have sanctioned Frigga to go in his stead.

"He's gone with! And without sanction from his advisors. This puts me once again on the throne, place I would rather not be again for the foreseeable future. It is as if they are young children, rushing off without a care upon the Realm or for those that have a right to be sent! This was to be our triumph, brother. Our first genuine campaign. But our parents believe us to either be incompetent or they have lost their minds! A year of Odin-Sleep and a year of being exempt from the duties of a consort have left the two acting as if they were in their first millennium!"

Anyone listening to Thor now would laugh at the nonsense he was spewing but he was genuinely angered and feeling slighted.

"Do you think our Father has discovered a distaste for ruling? Do you think our mother has told him that I did a fine enough job and to just leave it in my hands now that you have returned?! Loki!" Thor was on his feet in a near panic. "Have they been enchanted to live out their youths and are we to become their parents?!"

Even Steven was fighting to keep a straight face at this hysterical ranting as Thor paced.

"It is not natural. It is not right to take glory from the hands of your sons and to force upon them duties they are not equipped for. Did he not name me general? Did he not name you chief strategist?!"

To Thor, this was the punishment.

He could hardly believe it.

He could not believe it.

Surely the All-Father had not such compassion in him, or even that their mother could have swayed him. He was notorious for not listening to advice or changing his mind, his own wisdom enough. He believed in toughness and lessons and punishment, he would not allow Loki the benefit of staying free from Jotunheim. Not unless he had another punishment in place prepared.

"I asked him not to send me," said Loki, voice low and startled. "I told him that I would not go back to Jotunheim, but he said it was to be my punishment. Why would he revoke such a thing?"

A campaign to be in charge of, yes that would be reward indeed. But not this campaign, this was no glorious battle or charge against enemies, it was theft from those who had humiliated him.

Thor gazed upon his brother for a moment as if he did not truly see him. He could not imagine how Loki would not want to return to Jotunheim. Was he still sore that they could not offer an alliance? Odin had not told him anything of what may have befallen his brother and Thor thought this campaign to be about forcing vassalage.

He watched Loki for a moment, and then took the cup Steven offered him only to put it down again before he strode towards his brother. Something terrible had happened then on Jotunheim and Odin and Frigga had gone to teach a lesson to those that remained upon that broken Realm. Sense flooded him and he put a hand out to Loki's shoulder.

"Well then. It seems as if he has decided that you were punished enough. Do you not remember when we stole the cask of ale from the sea witch? He'd initially commanded me to return it but changed his mind instead at the last moment and returned it himself." Thor had gotten a good telling off from their mother for putting himself and Loki in danger and his punishment had become the knowledge that he had done the wrong thing.

Thor yanked Loki into his arms after that and sighed.

"There will be other campaigns. Let us not be too disappointed about this one." Of course, it was only Thor who was disappointed but he tended to only think about himself.

Loki's illusions could shield him from the eyes of those who might see his wounded pride made physical by what Jotunheim had done to him, but they couldn't stop touch. Thor's embrace would surely allow him to feel that Loki was far too thin, that he was altered in ways beyond which he allowed to be visible.

Shock faded slowly.

That Odin would show him such compassion left him highly suspicious. He was not like Thor, believing that learning he had done wrong would be punishment enough, and he was no child any longer to have such gentle lesson. Surely another punishment would be coming, the All-Father would not let this rest.

"They must surely return before long, the might of them combined will make this campaign a short one, and I must speak with the All-Father as soon as he returns to Asgard."

He pulled back from Thor, eyes hard with suspicion.

"There is much at work here that swims beneath the surface."

Thor didn't respond. His mind was stuck on the skin and bones that was his brother, at the somewhat deformed spine he'd felt on his palms, at the lack of muscle definition-- He could not formulate words to that and so after Loki pulled back, Thor stood as if he had been fully stunned or encased in ice.

Suddenly, he understood everything. He felt the rage that Odin must be feeling and their mother-- she was far more frightening than Odin would ever be.

"He went to avenge the wrongs done upon his son," Thor whispered. Loki had been afraid to return to the place he had been so humiliated. Frigga had been angry... This all made the most plausible sense to him at the moment.

His heart sank to his toes.

"I think they mean to bring Jotunheim to heel." And that meant destroying the last of those in power and replacing them with others more sympathetic to their cause.

Loki bristled at the almost casual way that Thor put voice to the shame that dug down into his very bones, eyes flashing and spine straightening. The illusion made him look perfect, the picture of health and indignation. There was little point in lying, even his silver tongue could not hide what had happened now. Not from Thor, not from his parents, not from Anthony.

"You will never speak of that again."

His voice was sharp like a whip crack, he would not have the Warriors Three and Lady Sif learning of his shame, he would not have it spread around like a common rumour. He would never be able to show his face again.

"Odin All-Father cares nothing for wrongs done against me, I had counsel with him earlier this day and he made certain to tell me my faults that could not go without punishment. If Jotunheim is to be brought to heel, why do that?"

"Odin All-Father cares about you a great deal," Thor bit back. "Not everything is a slight to you, Loki. Do you remember not the story you told me of a warrior who found a babe left exposed in the snow and ice? You have always been raised my brother. You have always been raised as his son, Loki. Stop this, I beg you. Stop this before you feel a slight and decide once more to leave our family."

Thor likely should not have said those things but he was worried to lose Loki again when he needed him. He didn't do well without his brother as a balance.

Thor folded his arms over his chest.

"You stole. You defected. For you to be told to fetch what was taken seems to be a fair punishment. But he cares enough about you not to make you do this."

Loki could not deny the logic of Thor's words even if he still felt fear that a further punishment was coming. Surely that too was logic, that even if the All-Father cared for him enough to mitigate this harsh punishment, that something would be coming when they returned.

"I do not wish to leave my family or home again for some time."

The admission was soft and tired. He had fire within him still, fire that would demand retribution from Jotunheim, that would need chaos, that would want to feel true power. But for now that fire had dimmed to a mere ember in the face of being humbled on Jotunheim.

"I stole nothing, even when sending me for the Casket, the All-Father said that it belonged in my hands. It is mine, not Asgard's, nor did I defect. I gave no secrets of the Aesir to the Jotnar. I am no true and virtuous man, but do not attribute me crimes that I have not committed."

The only crime of his, as far as he could see, had been to insult his mother.

Thor had very little to say about what was thievery and what was not. He didn’t want to contradict his parents but he also wanted Loki to return to himself…and not live in paranoia for a slight or a punishment that was not to come. He had difficulty understanding Loki sometimes, though. The slight in this situation would be the here and now, the being denied redemption and revenge on those that had wronged him. He wisely kept his mouth shut on that and wandered back to get his drink, laid so forcefully on the table.

“However it is to be, it had been done. We can not guess the All-Father’s plans but if he took only himself and his Queen, I would imagine that war is not what he decided upon. Your birthright will be restored to you, I am certain. It would be a pity should it not be. You and I fought well together when you were in possession of it, as was I with Mjolnir. Perhaps you ought to deem give it a name?”

The casket was a weapon after all. All good weapons needed names.

“But while we deliberate, let us dine! Has your slave been sent to fetch it?” Loki’s chambers looked dismal and Thor thought, perhaps, he’d forgotten. This question, therefore, was just to help him save face.

Perhaps the year on the throne had taught Thor some wisdom after all, for this understanding of a gentle approach for Loki in order to not provoke his spiky temper was a wise one indeed. It did leave Loki with a dilemma, though, for he could not admit that he had dismissed his slave - one who he prized deeply and extolled the wonders of - in a fit of petulant rage.

"Of course he has been sent to fetch it, the kitchens must be slow the evening in surprise as to our dining together."

He glanced over at Steven, clear warning in his eyes.

"Go to find Anthony and see what is taking so long, return with cold meats for us to dine on as we wait if a full meal will be long in coming."

Steven didn't hesitate. Loyal as he was to Thor, he understood that an order like this for a basic task would not be one he needed to get permission on. He simply bowed properly, hand over heart, and ran from the hall. It took him a full ten minutes of running around to find Anthony, for he truly expected him to be in the kitchen and didn't know his friend had been dismissed.

Eventually he burst into Bruce's room, panting from sprinting.

"What are you doing here? Your master has sent me to find you, dinner for the princes!"

An exasperated Bruce extracted himself from a suitably and instantaneously perked up Anthony. The younger man was still sitting on his feet in the middle of his blanket ball, hair all mussed up from having wriggled around in bed, eyes bright red and puffy from his tears. “He wants me back?” Steven might have guessed any number of reasons that Loki would have, obvious now at least, dismissed Anthony, but that was nothing that Anthony was likely to admit to. Just as he had never spoken about his eleven day ordeal with the bandits until Bruce had been dispatched to go and find him and then destroy those that touched him. He never intended to tell Steven that, especially because he’d been glowing for a full year since he’d taken James’ place.

Anthony was not jealous of him, but he felt lesser for what had happened. And lesser still for letting his mouth run on like that so soon after Loki returned.

Bounding out of bed, Anthony grabbed the jerkin he’d flung to the floor and made a little bow to Bruce. “Thank you,” he said, without saying much else. He still hadn’t processed Bruce’s nameless rejection, though it hardly mattered. He could go on caring for someone that didn’t give him the time of day.

And besides, he had Loki back now.

That was good enough for him.

“If the Princes need dinner, why are you looking for me,” he snapped at Steven gently. He just wanted to take the pressure off of himself, and by extension, Loki. “You should have gotten dinner started. Come on. You’ve got a lot to learn about your rank, even if you’ve been at it a whole year already. Jeez, Steven.”

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Jeni gets a tag before I run out even if nobody else does <3

Worst morning

oh no ): I sent you a PP if you want to talk about it /hug

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