[Steve had worried a little bit, admittedly. Worried that being so smitten so fast would mean this was just infatuation, that it would fade just as quickly, but if anything time has made the bond stronger.
Every chance to see Bucky makes a day a good one. He's trying to show Bucky that he won't run from the bad days, too - it's a careful balance of being respectful of Bucky's needs but also trying to show him that Steve wasn't lying when he said he knew what he was getting into and wasn't afraid.
Back in college he'd read a book about Buddhism for a class and a saying from it stuck with him. Consider the trees which allow the birds to perch and fly away without either inviting them to stay or desiring them never to depart. If your heart can be like this, you will be near to the way. Back in college it had been just another part of another test, but it kept coming to mind more and more with Bucky. To remind himself to just be there.
Steve's own awkwardness and and shyness regarding physical aspects of a relationship had kept him from pushing too much as well. In truth the celibacy was familiar if nothing else and a comfort in that aspect, but after three months with a man whom Steve had been physically attracted to at the start with nothing more than some very intense kissing...
Was three months normal to wait? Was he being needy wanting more after three months? Had he become a slut? (Followed instantly by berating himself because there was nothing wrong with people who valued sexual intimacy)
So, sure. Bigger bed. He argued that it was easier to find space since he was a bigger guy now, not that Natasha's insistence of needing room for a partner was a contributing factor.
So there he was, sitting on the bed, waiting for Bucky. Trying not to worry. He wondered if he should text, call, or just go up. Would that be crossing a line? What if something had happened? What if he wasn't even home? He probably wasn't even home.
Getting up, Steve decided that he would go knock and if he got no answer he'd try calling. It wasn't being needy if you had genuine worry that something had happened, right?
At least that's what he kept telling himself.
Grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone, he headed up to Bucky's apartment and knocked, not allowing himself more time to second guess.
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Every chance to see Bucky makes a day a good one. He's trying to show Bucky that he won't run from the bad days, too - it's a careful balance of being respectful of Bucky's needs but also trying to show him that Steve wasn't lying when he said he knew what he was getting into and wasn't afraid.
Back in college he'd read a book about Buddhism for a class and a saying from it stuck with him. Consider the trees which allow the birds to perch and fly away without either inviting them to stay or desiring them never to depart. If your heart can be like this, you will be near to the way. Back in college it had been just another part of another test, but it kept coming to mind more and more with Bucky. To remind himself to just be there.
Steve's own awkwardness and and shyness regarding physical aspects of a relationship had kept him from pushing too much as well. In truth the celibacy was familiar if nothing else and a comfort in that aspect, but after three months with a man whom Steve had been physically attracted to at the start with nothing more than some very intense kissing...
Was three months normal to wait? Was he being needy wanting more after three months? Had he become a slut? (Followed instantly by berating himself because there was nothing wrong with people who valued sexual intimacy)
So, sure. Bigger bed. He argued that it was easier to find space since he was a bigger guy now, not that Natasha's insistence of needing room for a partner was a contributing factor.
So there he was, sitting on the bed, waiting for Bucky. Trying not to worry. He wondered if he should text, call, or just go up. Would that be crossing a line? What if something had happened? What if he wasn't even home? He probably wasn't even home.
Getting up, Steve decided that he would go knock and if he got no answer he'd try calling. It wasn't being needy if you had genuine worry that something had happened, right?
At least that's what he kept telling himself.
Grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone, he headed up to Bucky's apartment and knocked, not allowing himself more time to second guess.
Maybe this was a blow off. Maybe Bucky was done.
Maybe something happened.]