[He waits for a week at that address, unsure whether he wants Steve to show up looking for him or not. Nobody comes. But a letter does come back, the same loopy handwriting that he recognises from his youth, and he does recognise it now. Spending that afternoon with Steve on Coney Island had triggered a release of memories, and he's becoming more and more Bucky.
He's not sure that's a good thing.
The more he remembers, the more sure he is that he's never going to be that man again. Just because he remembers dancing and smiling, it doesn't mean he feels any more capable of it now. It doesn't erase the fear, it doesn't stop him from checking every safe house he stops in for traps, it doesn't make him less of a murderer.
It's another two months before the next letter arrives, this one addressed to a place out in Sydney, Australia.]
The first year I thought you were going to die, you were eleven. I remember watching you wheeze and I thought that I was about to lose my best friend, I promised God that he could have my life if he spared yours. Do you think that's what all of this was? I've been paying back a debt I accrued years ago?
The year your Mom died you got pneumonia again. I never told you, but that friend who was a doctor who treated you for free because he was my pal - I never met him before. I just told you that so you'd see him, because you'd never take my help if it was charity. I picked up three months of extra work at the docks to pay for him. It was worth it.
I was glad when you were rejected from the army. I didn't want you to die.
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He's not sure that's a good thing.
The more he remembers, the more sure he is that he's never going to be that man again. Just because he remembers dancing and smiling, it doesn't mean he feels any more capable of it now. It doesn't erase the fear, it doesn't stop him from checking every safe house he stops in for traps, it doesn't make him less of a murderer.
It's another two months before the next letter arrives, this one addressed to a place out in Sydney, Australia.]
The first year I thought you were going to die, you were eleven. I remember watching you wheeze and I thought that I was about to lose my best friend, I promised God that he could have my life if he spared yours. Do you think that's what all of this was? I've been paying back a debt I accrued years ago?
The year your Mom died you got pneumonia again. I never told you, but that friend who was a doctor who treated you for free because he was my pal - I never met him before. I just told you that so you'd see him, because you'd never take my help if it was charity. I picked up three months of extra work at the docks to pay for him. It was worth it.
I was glad when you were rejected from the army. I didn't want you to die.