[No one tells Steve "I told you so," but he hears it anyway. His own judgment of himself rings in his head. What could he have done better? How could he have kept things from going that far?
He doesn't go looking for Bucky, doesn't even consider it. Steve knows better. He's done enough damage already.
When he's not working, Steve goes through the journal he wrote, and, after a month, starts writing in it again, though he doubts Bucky will ever see it.
The package arrives later, and he nearly has a breakdown in his room over it. Bucky's alive, he's still remembering, and he doesn't hate Steve. It's... not an ideal situation, but it's much better than Steve had even dared to hope.
He doesn't know if Bucky's still at the address listed, but he write to it anyway, trusting that Bucky left the address for a reason.]
Thank you for the gift. It feels good to be shaving the way I remember. You were a good teacher, even if the first time didn't end so well.
I'm sorry I pushed you. I have never ever wanted to hurt you, but I know I do it regardless. I hope you're well.
Sam insisted I start seeing a therapist, someone to talk to about my problems. Apparently they've been obvious to everyone, as much as I try to ignore them. It's been going better than I thought it would. I didn't think anyone could possibly understand my perspective, but the doctor says it's actually very similar to that of refugees--being forced out of their home by conflict to settle in a strange new place, never to go back.
It helps to talk. More than I thought it would.
I hope you're well.
[Included is a drawing of the two of them, as they are now, sitting on the beach and watching the sunset.]
no subject
He doesn't go looking for Bucky, doesn't even consider it. Steve knows better. He's done enough damage already.
When he's not working, Steve goes through the journal he wrote, and, after a month, starts writing in it again, though he doubts Bucky will ever see it.
The package arrives later, and he nearly has a breakdown in his room over it. Bucky's alive, he's still remembering, and he doesn't hate Steve. It's... not an ideal situation, but it's much better than Steve had even dared to hope.
He doesn't know if Bucky's still at the address listed, but he write to it anyway, trusting that Bucky left the address for a reason.]
Thank you for the gift. It feels good to be shaving the way I remember. You were a good teacher, even if the first time didn't end so well.
I'm sorry I pushed you. I have never ever wanted to hurt you, but I know I do it regardless. I hope you're well.
Sam insisted I start seeing a therapist, someone to talk to about my problems. Apparently they've been obvious to everyone, as much as I try to ignore them. It's been going better than I thought it would. I didn't think anyone could possibly understand my perspective, but the doctor says it's actually very similar to that of refugees--being forced out of their home by conflict to settle in a strange new place, never to go back.
It helps to talk. More than I thought it would.
I hope you're well.
[Included is a drawing of the two of them, as they are now, sitting on the beach and watching the sunset.]