fossilised | For Steve

"Ow!" It was reflexive to say, not a genuine discomfort, and Grant put a hand over his ear as he watched Bucky posture the way he used to do. "Hey, I'm not-- I'm just trying to help you out here! It's not my fault we have different career paths. And I'm sorry if I feel-- like I don't measure up. I'm not like you two. I don't have unbreakable bones and I can't run up walls and kick people in the kick and... And drive! So.... So cut me a little slack on this sometimes, got it? I'm allowed to feel things."

This tended to be the way they fought in the past. It was like two old people bickering. Bucky would always through an arrogant charm at him and Grant would be forced to bulk up and act like he was twice his own size to prove his points. They would both make good arguments and maybe raise their voices but in the end they understood each other enough to let it go.

"And</>," he stressed, "I'm not really making sacrifices. I'm just giving you options you might not have thought about with a skull as thick as yours!" It was hard not to smile. Grant didn't quite manage trying to play at being annoyed. "I'd like to also put it out there that you've been hanging out with Stark too much. There. I said it. And your hair is getting long enough to put into a ponytail. And--- and hold on. I'll think of something else to rip on you about in a moment-- Oh! Oh and if you're going to say that I'm yours and you're mine, I want you to ask me properly about going steady or all bets are off."

The pattern felt familiar even if he didn't have that many concrete memories of actually bickering with Grant this way. It felt good, though, he didn't have the usual fear or tension that might come from an argument, because he had the strange security that no matter what was said that he would still have a friend at the end of it all.

"No, you're not allowed to feel like you don't measure up, idiot. If you think I ever hung around with you for the muscles, you're dumber than you look, and that's saying something. You measure up to him because you're just as good, as strong where it matters, you're just as-- important. Got it?"

His lips lifted in what was actually a fair approximation of a smirk, making him look like the old Bucky, a snapshot through time.

"I can't ask you to go steady unless you understand that I'd be asking Steve the same thing. Selfish, but that's the way it is. I want you both."

"How am I the idiot? You're the one who seems to forget that we had this conversation already." His folded his arms over his chest. "You want us both. Equally. And you don't want to play favorites. Understood. Clear as day. Agreed with it last time and nothing much has changed. Steve and I used to be the same person. Not so much anymore, right, but I still know that if he was here, he'd put you in a headlock just for being such a... A toad about it!"

Was it weird for Grant to be all right wih sharing Bucky? Probably. He just didn't feel like he was sharing him, though, not when they were getting equal time with him. All right, maybe it helped that he would have more access to Bucky, because Steve's job took him away from them, but Grant was still pretty sure that Buck would join the Avengers as soon as he became more comfortable with the idea. And then Steve might see him more.

It was all about give and take.

"And if you didn't ask Steve too, I would be really mad at--"

This time it was Grant's phone thst rang and he held up a finger. God Bless the USA only plAyed when Steve called. "Grant!" He sounded breathless. "Wanted to catch you before bed to find out how your day went? Actually had a few minutes. Iron Man destroyed the munitions depot for us so we didn't have to worry about civilian casualties this time."

Grant gave Bucky a smarmy sort of look and wandered back into the living room, filling Steve in on the details of the day. "Oh. And guess who graced us with his presence? I'm going to put you on speaker. He has something he wants to ask both of us."

Bucky might have been through a lot of shit in his life, but he had clearly done something right to be allowed a place in the lives of two such wonderful people. Maybe he'd even get to a place where he felt as if he deserved it one day, or maybe not, but either way he'd work to get there for as long as they let him be a part of things.

The second ring made him jump again, eyes going wild and hand instinctively reaching for a weapon for a moment or two, before he made himself relax. Sudden noises, sudden movements, they still did for him a lot of the time. Strangers too, he knew he was still a fractured creature just hiding under a veneer of calm. But it's a start.

He scowled at Grant, but he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Hey-- Hey, Steve, it's me."

Bucky. Though he didn't really refer to himself by that name if he could help himself, it still made him feel a little like an interloper. He heard the soft rush of breath from Steve as he tried to compose himself from reacting, it made him smile and ache with guilt at the same time.

"I'm gonna be moving in with Grant; I kind of thought you were here too, but it's okay. Grant tells me why you're at the compound, and that makes sense."

He glared at Grant, he would work up to asking him to go steady. Little punk.

Steve was obviously surprised and then even more obviously relieved. "Yeah? Good. I was starting to worry about you being stuck with Tony-- actually, that makes a lot of sense why he decided to come out of retirement. I guess you were a good influence on him," Steve said, and Grant handed Bucky the phone to carry because he was still going to get out the linens for the bed, mattress or floor was a decision to be left up to Buck. "Grant can use the company. I haven't been able to get to Brooklyn as much as I want. The Devil of Hell's Kitchen has been doing some good work in New York, which really has let us get to some of the mess across the globe but-- He's been threatening me with getting a cat."

Steve chuckled, sounding calm and happy.

"So we're just finishing up here. Should be back tomorrow night your time. If you're going to be around, think I could swing by? See you both? Maybe take Grant out for a real dinner to celebrate?"

Even Grant looked up at that. Being seen with Steve Rogers? Probably not the best idea. "Why don't we all cook together, Steve?" he called from the bedroom.

"Yeah that sounds great. What did you want to ask?"

Perhaps a part of Bucky was disappointed that Steve had not immediately said that he would drop the compound and come and live with them, logistics be damned, and it made him hesitate. Could maybe swing by, might get some time, it sounded as though Steve had really moved on with his life in the time that Bucky had been gone. He sounded happy, like he had a purpose, not the stressed out a tired that he often seemed when he had to deal with Bucky's mess.

It made him hesitate, and Grant would probably see it as he ferried linens in the way his expression closed up and guilt etched itself across his eyes.

"Nothing."

Stupid.

The cocky man of ten minutes ago had gone already, hypocrite himself as he did just what he had told Grant off for doing and talked himself out of doing anything that could jeopardise Steve's happiness.

"We'll see you tomorrow if you have time to swing by."

"Less worried about my time and more-- I don't want to crowd you." So this was Steve acting like Grant had. He just couldn't make the face, or at least, Bucky couldn't see his face, so he had tried to make his voice seem happier. More chipper. He felt just as Grant had. That maybe Bucky had enough with just Grant. Or maybe if he came out of hiding now without calling him, he just wanted to take one step at a time. Bucky was going to have to remember that, at their roots, Grant and Steve were the same, fundamentally, and they reacted similarly.

There was a pause on the line and during that time, Grant reached up and flicked Bucky on the ear. He deserved it. And so did Steve.

He sounded exasperated as he made a reply for Bucky over the speaker phone. "Swing by around six? I have a shift after class until five-thirty. And you've got a key so if you're early, just come in. Or maybe give Buck a call first so he isn't startled? Mr. Stark gave him a phone. I'll make him text you so you have the number."

Grant shook his head at Bucky and said his goodbyes to Steve, who seemed more than a little hesitant as they hung up the phone.

"Hypocrite, by the way," Grant added to Bucky. It had taken that month apart and, honestly, that speach from ten minutes before, for Grant to let himself settle down. He would never be as crass as Tony but he couldn't always handle Bucky with kidgloves either. "Make sure you text him."

It was good. Better. There were times when the kid gloves would be necessary, and the right way to react, but there needed to be a balance and it seemed like Grant was finally finding it. Bucky reached up to touch his own ear where he had been flicked, looking a little shame faced, but he didn't back down.

"He sounded happy, Grant."

Honestly, this was all still tied up with the loud insistent voices in his head that said he wasn't a person, wasn't human, and didn't have the right to press his wants and needs onto anyone else. Stupid, but there all the same.

"He's got his purpose, working with the Avengers, living at the compound. I don't want him to feel like he has to drop everything for me, I don't want you to feel like that either."

They were all idiots.

"Yeah of course he's happy. He got to talk to you. He sounded really tired until I put him on speaker phone," Grant pointed out as he put new pillowcases on the pillows Bucky would likely use. "And he's been living up at the Compound since he gave up his place in DC actually. Where else is he supposed to live if he's going to keep on leading the world's best super heroes? Take a step back. Don't read into everything. We're happy because you're back with us. That's all," Grant said, fluffing the pillow against his chest, his smile gentle. "And if you doubt me, as him tomorrow."

Bucky had a full docket of meetings tomorrow. Breaking up with Tony Stark (in so many words) was going to be difficult. And then preparing for Steve Rogers to race back to the apartment once he finished up with the clean up on sight was going to be another hurdle. And, obviously, Grant was expecting to be asked to go steady soon enough--

It might be a little too much pressure on a fragile creature but Bucky needed to toughen his way through it to get what he wanted.

"I have to be out of the house early," he told Bucky a little more softly now. "So if you hear me roaming around, don't worry too much. I--- I'm real glad you're back. And I'm real glad we're all gonna be together again tomorrow."

That softened Bucky enough that he stepped forwards and bent to press a very chaste kiss to Grant's cheek, before he disappeared into the bedroom that had been given to him and closed the door. He didn't sleep, didn't even attempt to, and so he heard Grant get up in the morning and make his breakfast and set off for school. Only then did he move, getting a shower and changed before he headed off to Stark Tower.

This was the easiest of his tasks.

Or he imagined it would be, arriving at the Tower and striding straight past the reception desk while completely ignoring the nice receptionist who asked him what his business was and who he was there to see and sir don't go in the elevator. He just asked JARVIS once he was inside to take him up to the residential levels and to wherever Tony was.

Assuming he was even in. If he wasn't, then he'd get back to find Bucky sprawled in his usual spot on the couch, making sure to wreck all of Tony's high scores in Call of Duty.

Tony was fast but he wasn't as huge of a dick as he made himself out to be so he had stayed to help the clean up process with the help of the relief task force and his legion. The others were coming back on the quinjet but his armor was much faster than that and so he touched ground half an hour after leaving. Jarvis informed him of his house gues and Tony was pretty pleased to find Bucky back again.

"Brought back McDonald's," Tony said, already of of the armor as he dropped a bag between them. "To share, Barnes. Don't give me shit about your metabolism. So how'd it go?"

Curious minds were curious.

"I want details. Dirtier the better. Did he cry after? Did you?" Tony was expecting a dower look and little more.

Bucky reached for the bag of greasy food and pulled it onto his lap possessively even after being told it was to share, setting the controller down so that he could unwrap a cheeseburger and push it into his mouth. He shot a look at Tony, but it wasn't as harsh as it could be.

"I kissed him on the cheek and we talked, grow up."

That was a big deal for him and, even if Tony teased, he knew the man would know that too. He might pretend he cared about nothing, but Bucky had learned to tell when he did underneath.

"Look, I'm telling you that I'm moving in with Grant, but I'm also telling you that if you throw some kind of self-pity shit about everyone leaving you then I will punch you. I'll be back here most days. I need you just as much as I need them, you're the first friend I've made in seventy years that's my own, so you'll have to learn to deal with it."

He took another bite of cheeseburger.

"Got it?"

"Children kiss each other on the cheeks. You're telling me to grow up and that's your nightcap? Didn't I show you pornography? Becsuse Christ All Mighty, Barnes, in whose ever head he might reside, I'm just going to say that I'm disappointed. One of us should really be getting some. "

He didn't really question the rest of it. He wasn't too pleased with being called out and he took a burger from the bag in Bucky's lap as he dared him with his eyes to be cute and snatch it away. Tony was starving. Staaaaaarving. He'd been waiting for Buck to come home for awhile, saved the world for awhile, and that built up an appetite! Honestly.

What Tony did have to say was a little too gentle for the harshness of the words. They'd learned to read each other after only a few weeks. And that was pretty significant.

"You're gonna use my place as a day care while Grant is at school? Why am I still on babysitting duty? What if I have someone over? What if I want to be the one getting some? The pay for watching you is shit by the way. You eat too much and you break my stuff and you're pretty much dating twins. I'm jealous. I'll admit it."

"Yeah, well, suck it up."

Bucky's expression softened just a little bit and his eyes fixed on the burger in his hand, because it was easier than looking at Tony when he spoke his mind on more sentimental matters. But sometimes these things needed to be said, and even more to Tony than to most people because, even if the world thought he was an egotist, Bucky saw the self worth issues.

"I meant it, you're not getting rid of me. I know you like to cast yourself as the villain, or some douchebag who doesn't care, but you helped me when you didn't have to do shit. If I can move in with Grant and maybe start to step out with him and Steve, then that's down to you building me into enough of a person to do it. You probably saved my life. So thank you."

He wondered how many people had ever bothered to give Tony a genuine thanks and genuine affection for what he had done. Maybe Bucky's was rough around the edges, but he didn't say what he didn't mean.

"So yeah, day care for ex-assassins, problem with that?"

There was no way to hide the smile on his face and he let out a breath, dropping his chin to his chest. "Yeah. Well. Listen. Don't tell anyone that you maybe helped me a little too and don't go telling Romanoff about this and maybe I'll let you use the penthouse sometimes..." He did not want to add more charges to his wayward home for ex-assassins. Then again, Natasha might not be so ex about her assainating. Tony never asked. He valued having balls. "And one day you're going to open up to me about all of the kinky things you do. Especially because I'll be your best friend. Thst you're not dating. So that makes us like blood."

Tony called Rhodey and Barnes his best friends interchangeably but Bucky was the only person who actually took his bullshit, reprocessed it in a way that was stern but not patronizing, and saw him for what he was. Not just a spoiled kid, but someone genuinely hurting.

He was not going to tell Bucky that, though. Not ever.

"Uh did you bring back the motorcycle? I was souping that up for Cap. I don't want you scuffing it."

It was good to see Tony smile and know that he had managed to make a good man feel better about himself, it's something he would hold onto on the days where everything got too much and he stopped feeling like a person again. Because a weapon didn't make people smile like that.

"You're kidding right? That's my bike, I thought you were giving it to me, you can't take it back."

He loved that thing, even if he'd only had it a day or two, and he didn't want to give it back.

"I'm gonna need it if I'm coming to whup your sorry butt at video games every couple of days."

"Wow. Cold. If I had a bionic thumb, my twitch gaming would be able to compete against you better. But you're a super cool science experiment and I'm just a poor genius living in a massive penthouse with robot servants so what do I know? Fine. Keep your damned bike. You explain to Rogers why his isn't in the garage. You one arm bandited it," he complained, grabbing the second controller as he finished the burger and his sentence and happily accepted the second player spot.

He figured he had a few hours before the Rogers boys coerced Bucky out of the Tower again. He needed to fix one of Sam's wings anyway so he would make an appearance to bother Banner that evening.

What he learned from Bucky most of all was that he didn't have to be alone. People wanted him there even if they didn't specifically call him up or drop by.

Sometimes he had to be proactive.

And for now he was.

Right after Bucky whumped his ass twice though.

Steve did his best to try through Manhattan traffic as quick as he could just after five, not attempting to beat Grant home so much as to get to Brooklyn by six. He would arrive fifteen minutes early, hair wind blown from the bike he parked next to the one he had given to Tony to fix up. He smirked at it suspiciously, before knocking on the door.

"Uh sir," he called through the door. "You got something of mine!"

Bucky had been back for an hour already and had spent most of it pacing like a caged tiger and changing his outfit every few minutes as though he were actually waiting to go on a date, and as though Steve or Grant gave a shit what he wore. He had ended up in some dark jeans and a t-shirt with the Avengers' logo on the front, a gift from Tony who had thought it was hilarious.

He got up from the couch to open the door for Steve, feeling awkward and looking fairly dour because of it, stepping back to let him inside now.

"That's mine now, Tony gave it to me."

A second or two of silence, and then his body seemed to react independently of his mind, reaching out to take hold of Steve around the waist. He stepped in close and just put his head on Steve's shoulder, holding him like a man drowning who had just found the driftwood he needed to keep his head above water. And God, it was embarrassing, but all of a sudden he was crying too.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Steve went from grinning like crazy to see Bucky, dower or however else he presented himself to standing with his body blocking the door from onlookers as he held Bucky carefully in his arms. Yeah, his friend was upset, but it felt so good to hold him that Steve couldn't help himself but keep from minding. He took a step forward, almost waltzing Bucky back before he shut the door behind him.

"You can keep the bike," he murmured into hair longer than he remembered from last time, head bowed low over him so he could cocoon his friend completely. "Wow Buck. Every time I think that I can't be happier to see you than I was the last time and every time I'm reminded just how much I've really been missing you."

They could stand here all night if Bucky wanted that. Maybe Grant could hug them too when he came in, but he knew Bucky tried to be stronger for the younger man. He needed to protect the Steve that had first been his anchor back to himself.

The stupid thing was, he wasn't even upset. He hadn't yet reached the stage of being able to cry for what had been done to him and all the trauma that had left behind, and he hoped he never reached that stage because those were some floodgates that needed to stay closed. These were tears of relief, and perhaps slightly exhaustion.

"I didn't think I'd make it back to you."

After what happened where HYDRA got hold of him again, after forcing himself to watch and endure without reaction, after giving Tony the keys to turn his mind away from being his own again-- and he was finally back here, finally holding onto Steve.

"Don't go," he said, selfish but not caring right now. "You can be an Avenger from here, just don't go. I need you both, Steve."

This might have been the first selfish thing that Bucky had ever asked for (of course, one might argue that wanting Grant and Steve together and equally was also selfish) but even if it wasn't, the Avengers didn't need him the way that Bucky did. "Of course, I'll stay," he promised without even thinking about it, as if Bucky hadn't had to ask him, or he was planning on staying anyway. And, truthfully, with Tony back in the game, with Banner willing to participate and with their Lullaby in place to reign him in, with Thor a more constant presence in the group, he wasn't always needed. He could help plan missions, go on the really important ones once Buck was settled, but truthfully, he owed everything he was to this man. He would do anything he asked.

Grant spied the two bikes just out front of the apartment and turned his eyes up the block to the light flooding out of his front door. He had a large portfolio and a backpack, his apron from work still on, but he let the two men inside have what was likely a moment if they hadn't shut the door.

He'd had his yesterday when Bucky showed up right outside of class. Reunions like these were important not to interrupt.

At three minutes after six he started up the street again, breathing a little hard from the single flight of stairs, just a few moments after Steve had closed the door.

"Welcome back," Grant said, dumping his keys in a bowl beside the door and laying his supplies and bags down in the corner. Steve left Bucky's side to hug him and Grant hugged the larger blond back. "I have steaks marinating in the fridge. Is everyone ready to get a little dirty?"

Thank god Tony was not around right now.

If Bucky had a therapist - something he likely needed, but which no shrink in the world would actually be qualified to deal with - they probably would have been extremely pleased that he asked for something selfish. The Soldier was the antithesis of selfish, forced to obey others and exist at their whims, wanting and receiving nothing. To ask for something of his own was to show how far he had come.

He was still slightly red-eyed when Grant appeared in the door, and he waited while the two blond men embraced one another, before he stepped in close. Now or never, before he lost his nerve.

"Do you think it could be a date dinner? It's just, there's these two guys I want to go steady with, and they're both here right now."

Okay, maybe that wasn't the most romantic way to ask. But there, he asked.

Grant had just been about to turn and grab his backpack when his eyes were forced up to Steve again. The taller of the two had blues more vivid than his own but they were still the same in many ways with the same straight, long lashes hooding them and the same pop of surprise at the words. "Hm. Anyone we know?" Grant asked, he and Steve turning their heads at exactly the same time.

"Who else did you let in while we were out?" Steve asked, easily following in on the teasing. "Lucky fellas. Do you have any romantic gestures planned?"

Why make it easy for Bucky when it certainly didn't have to be? Or when they could enjoy a little fun even at the expense of someone they loved trying to ask them to go steady. Had Bucky ever asked anyone that? He'd been a charmer but seemed to like to cycle through girls. They came and went, never with a bad thing to say, but always a little disappointed that they couldn't charm the best looking and most eligible boy in school.

"Do you need us to clear out?"

Bucky's eyes widened as if, for a moment, he didn't get that they were joking, before his face cracked into a wide smile and he folded his arms to mock glare at both of them like they were two idiot kids who had played a dumb prank.

"You're both jerks, you know that? The world has no idea what a little punk you are, that's never in any of the history books."

He couldn't stop the smile from coming, though, because the way they reacted pretty much told him that they were both okay with it. Really okay with it. Which was all sorts of amazing, and he was with Tony that he was even kind of jealous of himself for having this kind of good luck.

"I'm talking about the pair of you, and you know it. Go steady with me?"

They could have carried it on a little more, teasing that they might end up doing better if they held out or mentioning Bucky's track record with dating so far but instead, as one, they moved in to embrace their friend, enfolding him in two pairs of very different arms before Grant nodded and they both said that it would suit them just fine. At the same time. And that prompted a laugh from each.

"Might have daydreamed about this moment," Steve said not so secretively, and Grant nodded. He knew exactly what Steve was talking about. Neither would go into detail, though. It was a bit embarrassing, even now.

Cooking half a dozen steaks, mashing potatoes and sipping on wine watered down with flavored and fizzy water turned out to be a perfect first date. The kitchen was overly large and though Grant took the lead after pulling up the video on his phone thst bed downloaded between classes today, they all had their parts to play. Nothing burned down and the best part? The meal was delicious.

"So what do we do about bedrooms," Steve asked as they cleaned up. "I know you've only the one spare--"

"But I have a den. And a study. What's a study even for? We just need to get another bed," Grant said. "You can have your pick. The other room can be for the cat."

Steve arched an eyebrow. "Cats don't need their own bedrooms, you know?"

"Ours will," Grant insisted, handing over plates for Bucky to put away. The conversation was almost too easy, as if Bucky hadn't been away at all.

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