fossilised | For Steve

"Bucky--"

"SHUT UP!" It didn't seem to matter how often Tony shouted that, the story kept coming. Kept coming. Howard was mentioned by name. Maria-- He hadn't even known his mother's name when he strangled her. Tony wasn't sure what blind rage felt like, but he was experiencing it now, not aware that he was moving forward in an attempt to either pull Barnes inside or push him out. He wanted to choke the life out of him. He wanted to kill him. "You killed my mother?!"

It was not his finest moment. Steve was there to grab him, and without his armor, he was very easy to grab. "It wasn't him, Tony--"

"He killed my mother and YOU KNEW?! JARVIS, intruder!"

The lights went out to be replaced with a dark red glow and a noise roused everyone, even the sleeping Banner, documentary switched off. Grant came out on the lawn again, Sam trotted down the hallway. The armor appeared at the window behind Barnes, hovering with three repulsors. The other was pointed at the man's head.

"Tony, Stand down!" Steve begged even as he felt Tony strain in his arms. He knew he had a bad relationship with Howard but he never stopped to think what the loss of his mother had done to him. Stupid, really, considering what the loss of his own mother had done to him all those years ago.

Bruce was the slowest up towards the threat, he took in the red light and he knew that meant the compound was on lockdown from a potential hostile attack. He didn't want to go Code Green unless it was necessary, and so he slipped out of the room and towards the threat level slowly. He'd hang back if he could.

Bucky didn't move.

He knew there was a suit of armour hovering nearby, he knew that it was primed to attack him, but he didn't get out of the way. Perhaps a part of him welcomed this, a punishment for all the crimes he had committed, a way to wash some of the blood from his soul finally.

"I pulled his corpse into the car while she watched," he kept talking, his words almost soft and pleading as if he wanted Tony to take it out on him. "I killed both of them, and they're far from the only ones. I've killed hundreds, thousands of people, and I remember every one of them. You took me in and gave me safety, and that's what I did."

[Sending helps >< ]

Tony was an impossible mess. He had no real idea what he was saying and Steve's small room was suddenly very full of people, even if Bruce was hanging back. Barton shot down the armor from outside and Natasha snuck in to pinch Tony hard enough to knock him out (her finger nails had actually been covered in sedative but she liked people to think she was a little more super when she was dealing with all of these high powered boys around her).

He slumped into Steve's arms, looking little more than a ragdoll, and with his housing over and Bucky's monologue over, there wasn't much sound at all left in the room save for Grant's voice in the grass below, standing next to the fallen armor tht JARVIS was no longer powering. "Bucky?"

He sounded worried. Sam and Natasha had blank looks on their faces. Steve looked so torn and so sad but was trying to keep it together, trying to be the man in charge. "Buck, go get Grant. Everyone else, clear out. I need to get Tony to Bruce."

Bucky hesitated on the windowsill. He knew that he had sabotaged any chance of a safe and potentially happy life here, he had to go back on the run, and perhaps he had even damaged Steve's relationship with his friends. It hurt, but he couldn't have done anything else, he couldn't have accepted all of that from Stark. His eyes were sad as they lingered on the limp form in Steve's arms.

"You should have let him kill me."

It was a murmur, though loud enough for them all to hear, before he just jumped from the window down to the grass below.

"Grant, we might have to get out of here."

What hurt Steve the worst was that Bucky had been so willing to die. He'd just stood there. He didn't even try to defend himself. His gut was churning as he carried Tony out to Bruce, Natasha leaning in to the doctor who had long ago caught her eye and told him the compound she had given Tony. He'd be all right, but his head would be left aching for a long while once he woke up. And that probably made him dangerous. "Sam, I need you to take him to the Tower for me."

Sam nodded. He didn't question anything, not right now.

Grant, however, hung over and exhausted, swayed just slightly on his feet. "What happened?" He'd heard Bucky. He'd heard the words out of his mouth and he assumed that Tony was still in the armor laying on the grass, all of the lights powered off. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was feeling a little dizzy. His health was better than usual but he still wasn't completely healthy and it was all catching up with him.

That wasn't good, and honestly Bucky had no idea if Steve intended for him to take Grant and leave altogether now before Tony woke up, or just if he intended for Bucky to be nearby to Grant so that he could protect him if necessary. Was that a way for Steve to make sure that Bucky didn't throw his life away? Giving him a mission. Stay with Grant.

"I killed Tony's parents."

There wasn't really any need to hide that.

"He was going to give us our own house, build it from scratch, I had to tell him."

Grant exhaled slowly and reached out to touch Bucky's cheek. "That wasn't you. That was a mission. It was something that they forced on you," he said slowly, making sure that Bucky was actually listening to him. "Telling him... It was the right thing to do. But perhaps you could have done it a little more gently. Come back to the house with me. We need to wait for Steve."

These were Steve's people here. Tony was his friend. They had to wait for guidance here, Grant was sure of that. Leaving now wouldn't do them any good. He didn't know Tony too well but he was sure that once they all managed to sit down and talk, he would understand. The shock had to be pretty terrible for him.

And for Bucky too. Bucky and Steve knew Tony's dad. Grant himself had almost gotten to know the other man.

He couldn't force Bucky to do anything right now, though, but he really needed to get him off of the lawn and somewhere that he felt safe before he had another episode. Or Grant himself just passed out where he was standing.

Bucky wasn't sure that he liked the idea of going back in the house now. What had been a sanctuary could now so easily be a prison. Stark had to have control of the whole compound with his AI, and this was the most secure building, they could be locked in and kept there without any issue at all. But Grant needed rest, and Grant needed Bucky to not break right now.

So he nodded and, tense as hell, led Grant into the house and towards his bedroom.

"You have to sleep, you're still a little drunk and you're exhausted." He wanted Grant to rest, but mostly because he didn't want to be social right then. He wanted to stand and watch the darkened windows of the other building and wait for someone to come and mete out his punishment. He wanted to-- "Go to bed. Please."

Steve might have told Sam to get Tony to the Tower, but it was actually Natasha who took over. She cornered Sam as he was getting ready to leave and told him that she was going to handle it, so she would be the one that Tony saw whenever he woke up, sitting by the side of his bed watching him and waiting.

That was fine with Sam. He wanted to be with Steve, who, despite everything, looked heartbroken and guilty. "You didn't know," Sam said as he sat down on the couch next to the blond, who was looking at a broken tablet computer.

"I did know, Sam," Steve said. "Not that it was Bucky but... I should have told him long ago that his parents were murdered. I should have done a lot of things." But he'd spread himself too thin with all of this and he was tired and as much as the world needed him, Bucky obviously needed him so much more. Or-- Maybe not. Maybe Bucky just needed Grant. They should have stayed in the 40s. Steve never second guessed himself this badly before. He let Sam sit with him for a little while in silence.

Grant too kept Bucky company in silence, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. He'd tried to stay up for his friend, but that hadn't worked out.

Tony, at least, didn't stay asleep for too long. The half an hour trip back to Manhattan by quinjet roused him enough that he was asleep only for five minutes or so in bed. He shot up after a few groggy, pained whines. "Where is he?!"

Natasha remained seated at the edge of the bed, looking as if she were totally relaxed, when really she could be out of her chair and pinning him down in a second if he decided to do something stupid.

"By he, I assume you mean Bucky. He's at the compound, as far as I know."

She stretched out her legs and kept her gaze focused firmly on him, now was not the time for sympathy, now was the time for being hard and firm. She could be there for him and his heartache after, right now it was all about damage control.

"I didn't think you were the sort of man to attack someone for what someone else did. You saw the tapes, Tony, and you know that was the tip of the iceberg. You knew he'd been an assassin and you were prepared to let it go, that he killed someone you loved doesn't change anything. They were killed by the Winter Soldier, not Bucky Barnes."

Honestly, Tony hadn't thought himself capable of that either. He'd just gone completely numb. His anger had taken over him. But that was exactly the sort of man he genuinely was. Beyond the glitz and glamor, apart from the tortured engineering genius and the no fucks given daredevil, Tony was a boy with an abusive father and a mother who hadn't really known how to put him first that he clung to the memory of like a lifeline. He was selfish outwardly, generous to everyone despite his attitude, but the loss of his mother had scarred him so deeply he hadn't even known what he was doing.

Blind rage from the compound turned into abject sorrow now. He didn't know where Pepper was but he was glad she wasn't here to see this weakness as he bowed his head and pressed his face to his palms.

"He didn't even know her name."

But that was not what hurt the worst. Steve had betrayed him. Natasha might have too. He'd had his wounds ripped open. It was going to be a sticking point for a long time, but at least he no longer seemed hellbent on Bucky's destruction. He was just a sad old man who tried to cobble together a family without ever really learning how to be part of one himself, sitting alone in his gilded Tower.

"How can I just let that go?!"

"With time."

She seemed to relax a little further now that it was obvious that he wasn't about to just dash off and call for one of his suits to further his idea on revenge. Natasha had made sure to have a few pointed words with Steve before she left so that she could talk honestly to Tony. Not that she was always honest, she lied whenever it suited her means better, but this time-- it had to be honesty if there was any chance of this rift being healed.

"Steve didn't know. He knew they'd been killed, but not how or by who. I know that because I knew too, I was there when we found out. About two months back when we were being chased by HYDRA, we found some old computer banks that had Zola's memory. He said HYDRA had been changing history, that sometimes accidents happened. We saw the newspaper clipping of the crash, but that's it. We didn't know anything else, and we saw no reason to tell you. What good would it have done other than hurt you? We had no leads, no idea, it would only have torn you apart searching for the answers."

Maybe that was wrong, but she didn't feel the sort of guilt for it that Steve would. They had made a judgement call and it was a good one.

"Barnes is a scared and wounded man, and I think he told you because he wanted you to kill him. I think you're better than that."

"You should know better than to appeal to my human side. You made up that file on me. You know I don't have one." He didn't even know why he was so upset. He thought he'd made peace with all of this long ago. He'd been in his early twenties when they died. He'd been some rich kid with big ideas who bought his friends because he'd been so young when he first went to MIT and no one looked twice at him. He laid back down, head aching, and looked up at the ceiling through his fingers.

Everything Natasha said was right. He would have spent the last two months tirelessly looking for answers. He would have found none and HYDRA might have gotten their hands on more super serum.

At least he knew where the other two super powered agents had come from in that Alternate universe, the ones who had tried to kill Bucky and Steve's younger self. Those were soldiers created with his father's stockpile of serum. Pieces were pushed into place harshly and though he could see the whole picture now, he didn't feel any better.

"He had people that love him, Natasha, why would he want to die? Doesn't make sense. If he does want to die-- Well, Steve and Steve need to be told." He wanted to be alone. If time was what he needed to heal...he was going to have to deal with that. Hopefully before Pepper showed up.

Wherever she'd gotten to this time.

"Don't talk crap, Tony," she said, raising an eyebrow. "We both know that you've got a human side and a bleeding heart to put Steve to shame. Just because you hide it behind sunglasses and sarcasm, it doesn't mean it's escaped my notice. It's what makes you a good superhero. Or, at least, one that I don't feel totally ashamed to share team space with."

She reached out and placed a hand on his knee. She was still feeling her way around this whole friendship thing with anyone except Clint, but much like Tony she had accepted the Avengers as her surrogate family and wasn't about to let them go without a damned good fight.

"Steve looked like he wanted to cry when I took you away, he thinks you're going to leave the team and hate him forever. I know you're not, because you're a smart man so you know we made the right call. And you're not a bad man, so you know that Bucky needs help and not blame."

Perhaps it wasn't entirely fair, considering he had just learned his parents were murdered, but Natasha was asking him to be the bigger man and set that aside. She knew this was a crossroads for him, if he did it then he would be selfless in a way that perhaps he hadn't been able to be before. If not, that wouldn't make him selfish, he had a right to his grief, but it might fracture the team.

"Take a couple of deep breaths and tell me what you're thinking."

Tony wasn't too fond of being told what to do, but he did make an exception for redheads and blondes. So he took a few deep breaths and he really thought about what was going on in his head. "I think I need some time. And I think I need to talk to Rogers....eventually. But we're not on the best terms right now. And I think Banner is out of a job. You're a really good therapist," Tony said, trying to make the heavy situation a little lighter. "I know it's not anyone's fault but it doesn't stop me from being so angry," he admitted.

It would be better if he stayed here for awhile. Maybe it would be better for everyone if he benched himself for awhile. The blind anger he had felt towards Bucky, the need to suddenly kill him... That was frightening.

"Tell Rogers he has complete control of the compound. And see if Banner might want to stay here for awhile. We can still work on locating the HYDRA base from here I just... I can't go back there just yet."

He didn't want to be that man. He didn't want to feel entitled to his hatred either.

Tony rubbed a hand down his face. "Thanks, Nat. You probably don't hear that enough, but really. Thanks."

Natasha offered him a smile, pride for how much he had grown hidden behind the understated expression, before she stood up and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"One week, then you're coming back."

She knew that wasn't what he had asked for, and perhaps she was being a little cruel in pushing him beyond his comfort levels. But she knew Tony, she had observed him. If he were allowed to hole himself up and isolate himself, then he would start to convince himself that the Avengers were better without him, and that his differences with Steve could never be solved. That wouldn't help anyone.

"Steve won't think any less of you for what happened, he's probably just feeling guilty as hell for lying to you at all. You know what he's like. So you get one week to mope around and come to terms with what's been told to you, and I'll even send you Banner, but after that you're coming back. You'll talk it out with Steve and Bucky, and we'll all move forwards, okay?"

She really did know him. Tony needed boundaries and Natasha was quick to give him some slack without letting go of the rope. No wonder Pepper liked her. She probably wished she could be a little more assertive to get more of what she wanted out of him. "Yeah."

Tony didn't call his girlfriend once Natasha left. He poured himself a glass of his old mistress and dragged himself down the hall to his living room overlooking the sea of lights surrounding him from the city. If the world ever needed Ultron more, Tony didn't know about it. They just needed a boost. They needed that staff. There was now a second reason to track down HYDRA. They'd looted the building when Stark Tower was laid open by the Chitauri. Who knew what they had at their disposal now?

Tony settled down at his desk and lifted his phone to his ear. He still didn't call Pepper. It was Rhodey on the other end of the line. "I need you to come over and keep me from drinking myself to epic party levels," he sighed. He knew Rhodey wouldn't be long and would keep the judging to sighs and eye rolling.

Sam, however, he didn't judge at all. He was just trying to help. Even if Stece seemed fine with being angry with himself. "D'ya think he's all right? Our ghost. Never seen someone so willing to get himself killed man."

It was a mess.

Rhodey was willing to go over and try and stop Tony killing himself via very expensive alcohol, Natasha made her way back to the compound to talk to Bruce and get him to pack up and get ready to go. Steve didn't dare approach Bucky about all of this and spent his time pacing the main compound with Sam, looking and feeling wretched about what he had done.

Grant, at least, was sleeping.

But Bucky couldn't stay there. They were right, he was all too willing to get himself killed and he couldn't stay here now. Every second more that he sat in the plush surroundings of a house that the son of people he had killed had paid for, it itched under his skin. He rose quietly and wrote Grant a note, leaving it outside his bedroom door, before he slipped out of the building. The exits were monitored, of course, as per the agreement, but JARVIS didn't report it because he had no orders to for now.

Which was why, one stolen Captain America motorcycle and a swift ride through the city later, JARVIS was disturbing Rhodey and Tony from their drinking session. Or rather, Tony's drinking session and Rhodey's attempt to stop it before it went too far.

"Sir, Sergeant Barnes is outside."

Tony had been drinking. A lot. He'd been drinking before Rhodey suited up and got clearance to leave his base. He was still drinking now, but had been miraculously switched to the green kale sludge he had become so fond of while he was trying to slow down his self poisoning from palladium. Rhodey knew the recipe. God help him for that one.

They were having a little heart to heart, where Tony was telling him half truths and mostly frowning and Rhodey was verbally questioning their continued friendship if Tony refused to let him help when JARVIS let them know that Bucky and Steve's bike were in the garage and requesting to use the code to get to the penthouse via elevator.

"Is he armed?" Rhodey asked and then rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Guy's a living weapon."

Tony couldn't manage to even stand, so he leaned against the back of the chair and, as if he himself didn't care about his life, smirked and told JARVIS to let the murderer of his parents up. "Why not? Little reunion right? Finish the job. Wipe out the Starks."

"Oh Tony. This is a bad idea," Rhodes groaned. "Do you have any weapons I should know about? Don't grin at me. Tony--"

But the elevator was already signaling its arrival. Damn it for being so quick. Rhodey pulled the gun out of his holster and leveled it at the door. Just in case.

Bucky was still dressed in faded denim jeans and a red t-shirt, hardly looking the part of trained killer, except for his eyes. Those were blank, merciless, and scarcely even looked human any more as he stood stock still in the elevator and waited for it to get up to the penthouse. Not that he had to wait long, the elevator was damn fast, just another indication of Tony's excellent programming capabilities.

He stepped out as soon as the doors opened, eyes flickering over the gun levelled at him and then ignoring it as if it didn't matter at all. Which it didn't. If he decided to defend himself then he could be over there and disarming him before the stranger could fire off a shot, if he didn't, then what did it matter?

Instead, he focused all his attention on the seated Tony Stark.

"They didn't have a right to interfere," he said, voice low and almost calm. He stopped in front of Tony, within arm's reach, and knelt down so that he wasn't towering over the other man. "I killed a lot of people and I haven't faced justice for any of it. You're the first person-- the first relative I've told, you have the right and I know you want to."

One good point about all that drinking? Tony was much, much less likely to do anything but sit there. Or dance. Then again, Rhodey had been at the end of his fists (and repulsors) before after he'd gotten himself messily drunk. There had been a lot going on then with his refusal to tell anyone about his imminent death. Then again...? "God damn it, stand your ground," Rhodey growled. Not that Bucky listened. He found himself getting closer and closer until Bucky finally knelt and Rhodey paused behind him, feet apart, barrel leveled at the back of his head.

Tony didn't say anything. He watched Bucky, watched his face. He watched that arm and how his jaw was set and how dead and lost his eyes were. He watched Bucky for a long time while Rhodey cursed behind him and then leaned back in his seat. He lifted a hand to call off the dogs and Rhodey did lower the gun, even if he didn't put it away. "This is crazy," his friend grumbled.

"It wasn't you. I saw the tapes of what they did to you. So what happened to my parents? Not you." It felt bitter in his mouth. Like ashes. Chalky and unpleasant. "But I really-- I really need to keep hating you right now. Got it? You have two people that need you. Start making it up to them if you feel guilty, right?"

No... No, no, that wasn't good enough.

Bucky looked up into Tony's eyes and there was just a hint of plea behind them, more than he had even shown Grant and Steve. What had happened to him, the long time that he had been used and broken so far beyond what humans should be able to handle, it was killing him anyway in pieces. He couldn't take his own life because of Steve and Grant, but if someone took justice? That was okay. That was how it should be.

"I don't even know what her name was."

The words came out slightly twisted as though they tasted wrong to him. He didn't want to hurt Tony more, but if goading him was what could make this right, could make this how it should be, then that's what he would do.

"I was never told, she was nothing to me. Just something in the way of my objective. You should hate me, I've killed so many people."

"Maria." Tony set his glass of sludge down and leaned forward. His eyes might be hazy and they might be floating on a cushion of scotch and a spinach-male-yogurt blend, but he could follow along with the conversation. For a lot of his life, he was a fairly functional alcoholic. Just one of his many talents. His liver didn't seem to care anymore about letting him stay nice and foggy through his trauma. "Her name was Maria and I do hate you."

It probably wasn't rational. Hating someone for being put through what they had? It wasn't Bucky's fault. Objectively he knew that. But he hated him anyway. His last four words were filled to the brim with vitriol.

"If you came here looking for someone to kill you for it, all of a sudden, after the big finding each other make out session I watched, then you probably do deserve to die. But not for killing my mom. Or a thousand other potential parents. You deserve it for not manning up and taking care of Rogers after he went back in time to another dimension to save your sorry ass."

Rhodey looked uncomfortable. He did not want details here thank you.

That was a crueller punishment than just killing him, letting him see justice just out of his reach and then refusing it to him because of how much his death would hurt the two Steves. And it would, he knew that. If they knew he was still out there somewhere, alive, they could have hope. If he was dead, that hope was gone.

But it was clear he couldn't stick around.

He couldn't live in a place built, maintained, and paid for by a man who hated him for completely justified reasons. And he definitely couldn't be the reason that a wedge was driven between Steve and any of his friends. Grant... Grant would want to come with him, but he couldn't guarantee security from HYDRA or SHIELD or any of the other countless world governments looking for him without the protection of Tony's technology, so he would be better left there. The others would take care of him, befriend him, and give him a purpose.

Bucky pushed himself back to his feet and took a half step backwards.

"Alright. You won't have to see me again. I won't be a reason that Steve loses his friends, but I won't die either."

Whether it was his fault or not, the blood was still on his hands. Tony needed someone to hate, why not him?

"Steve and I aren't really friends. Sometimes I like to think so but-- I don't know. Doesn't matter." They were too different. Their ideals were too far apart. Tony would never admit that sober. He slumped down in his chair as Bucky stood. He needed more scotch. Less kale. He didn't want to be detoxed. He wanted to enjoy his lack of sobriety, at least until Banner showed up and played his guilt up because his dad was an abusive alcoholic.

Technically Tony's dad was too. He didn't back over his mother in the driveway but-- Tony rubbed a hand over his face.

"All you're gonna do by leaving is make Cap come looking for you. And we need him to track down HYDRA and wherever it is they're keeping those people like you. We need to get back an Asgardian artifact. And we need to stop them messing up timelines," Tony snapped. "Stay at the compound. That way I never have to run into you out in the world. Do that for me. Stay put. Don't be a huge baby and ruin everything."

"Tony--" Rhodey wasn't too pleased by the change of tone. Tony was breaking down.

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