fossilised | For Steve

"You're always you," Steve insisted, the feel of his still shorter than the last time they had met hair soft against his arm. That would probably be Tony's shampoo. Bruce only used the bargain brands like Steve, but Tony kept their toiletry stock filled with the good stuff and Steve had eventually given in when at the compound. It made his hair shinier than the serum initially did, more perfect and softer than his upper genetics allowed for to start. And now Bucky's was the same way. "Doesn't matter if you remember or--"

Suddenly, the remainder of what Bucky had said spilled into his gut and it twisted enough to leave Steve momentarily speachless. He didn't try to cover up for it though.

"When you say... How does he feel about you?" Because Bucky was not talking just friendship here. That was a given no matter what. So how had Grant come to tell Bucky their secret? And when he said 'either of you' did that mean that there might be a choice? That last slice of pizza seemed to be repeating on him, even if he never got sick anymore and he never had heartburn. His stomach was almost literally cast iron.

Bucky wouldn't have a chance to respond because Grant's door opened down the hall, visible from the couch, and he stepped boldly out into the hallway.

"Money where your mouth is, Barnes," he called, tipsy and challenging. "I've stepped more than one foot out of the room. Guess you're gonna have to come and hold me." Steve cleared his throat and pulled his arm back from behind Bucky's head as if they had been caught doing something they shouldn't. He sat forward, knees apart, elbows resting on his upper thighs. Grant gave pause too. "Oh. Sorry. Didn't mean to... Carry on...?" Maybe he slammed the door a little too hard rushing back inside but he felt like Steve felt right now, with his guts about to fall out.

Bucky looked incredibly confused when Grant appeared and then disappeared, and Steve looked as if he had been caught breaking the law. He simply didn't understand, he didn't have the memories yet to realise that potentially being in love with two people in a romantic sense wasn't the usual order of things and that neither one of them would likely be okay with it.

All he knew was that the atmosphere was suddenly so tense that a knife could cut it, and his relaxed posture melted away into corded muscles once more.

"What's going on?"

One of them had to tell him what the hell this was all about, because otherwise he wouldn't be able to help. He just had the distinct impression that he had hurt them, both of them, and that was his worst nightmare. Had he said something wrong? Done something wrong?

Jesus, he could feel himself on the edge of panic for it.

Steve hadn't been here yet for one of Bucky's panics. The time in the lab a few yards back didn't count. It didn't matter, however, if he had seen the before because he knew what to do, taking Bucky by the cheek and the back of the neck until they were looking one another in the eye. Sam had helped him with things like this, though Steve himself never had a panic attack. He'd just seen it a few times at the VA where Sam had volunteered in DC and still did from time to time in New York. He made an elaborate breath inwards and exhaled more slowly, hoping Bucky would get the idea and follow suit.

This was not a romantic overture. This was an attempt to help, nothing more. When Bucky's breathing eased, Steve let his hand drop. His fingers rubbed away the feel of skin on his jeans.

"There's two of us and one of you." Bucky Barnes from Grant's reality had died, shot in the head in an Italian experimental camp run by HYDRA. "If he told you how he feels about you, then you know how I feel about you. And if he's thinking like I'm thinking... We don't want to step on each other's toes here, Buck. He told you first. He... I don't know what you two have been doing, but it's fine. I'm not-- I'll still stay close for you. But... "

Steve rubbed a hand over his mouth. Trying to put this easily wasn't going to happen.

"We aren't going to want to be in competition with each other. So I want you to know that, ah, Buck, this is hard. I was never going to let you know how I--". No, he had to stay on message here. "I'm not going to make this harder on you. We're friends. You and I. And we'll be just friends. You don't have to choose, even if you decide you--". Imagine that. Bucky Barnes loving him in return? No, impossible. Bucky had his women. So, so many women.

"I don't understand, why does it have to be a competition?"

He rested his elbows on his knees, fingers laced together and head bowed so that the soft fall of his hair partially hid his expression. His voice was low, careful, as if he were stepping around mines that were buried just under the surface and even the barest of pressure could set one off.

"Wait-- No, this has to be with you both." He stood abruptly and went to the bedroom door, opening it up to look for Grant in the dimness, knowing that there was no way he would be asleep yet. "Hey-- I need to talk to you, so come and get a coffee and sober up some."

Whether or not he had all the pieces, he was going to explain his side of it to both Grant and Steve so that they didn't get all tangled in and around each other.

Grant had just been sitting on the bottom of the bed with his head bowed and his elbows on his knees. He was just wearing some sleeping pants, the ones that Bucky had forced him into, and though he was in the dark, Bucky would be able to see that it looked like Steve was praying. For wisdom or guidance or for Bucky, it was hard to tell. His eyes were dry at least when he looked up and he let his head tilt to the side.

He didn't want to do this, but he'd made his mind up some time ago that if it came right down to it, Steve was the better man for Bucky to be with. And after how well things went tonight, he had to be fine with the world taking a turn and putting the two rightfully together. He'd done his part and now it was Steve's chance. He'd waited almost ten years longer than Grant had, right? It was only fair.

Grant pulled on a t-shirt, this one plain white, and followed Bucky out into the kitchen. He wasn't surprised that Steve was there, standing between the living room and the kitchen, looking for all the world as if someone was about to shoot a puppy right in front of him. Funny, really, Grant felt the same.

"Coffee, Steve? I'm suppose to sober up. I'd offer you some of the cake I made but Buck has it hoarded in his room." It was just friendly chatter to ease the tension.

"Yeah, would love some. Too bad about the cake. I tried baking once or twice, mom's old recipes. They never turned out."

"I had JARVIS to help," Grant replied, not really smiling, as he pushed the button to brew their coffees, single serve. The machines did everything here. He just had to get the milk out.

At least neither man had refused to talk to him or were throwing themselves onto the wire in an act of dumb self sacrifice thinking that the other version of themselves had the right to Bucky. At least not yet, anyway. So Bucky waited until both Steve and Grant had a coffee and the first cup had been drunk, until Grant looked as if he were more or less sober and both men were looking as if Bucky might be about to take out their hearts and stomp on them.

"I don't understand why it has to be a competition, or why it has to come down to one or either of you if I feel that way. Why can't I figure out if I love both of you? You both love me, why can't I do the same?"

He still couldn't give a guarantee that it would end up that way, but it seemed likely with how much he had enjoyed kissing Grant and how safe they both made him feel.

He looked from first one to the other, gauging their reaction.

Grant had the most obvious reaction, mouth hung open, an immediate leap to his feet. "Wait a second, will you? What competition-- You're-- you've the wrong idea. No one, sorry to speak for you Steve, no one is waiting for you to just make up your mind here and decide if--"

Steve reached out to gently put a hand to Grant's shirt and tug him back down into his seat. There wasn't any struggle, thankfully, and no shirts had to be harmed in the process. He watched the younger man put a hand over his face and then cleared his throat. "Maybe you have the wrong idea. Maybe you both do. I'm only after friendship," Steve said. He was the lay on the wire guy here. He was the superior officer to them both. He made the touch calls. He did the harder mission. Him. Not them.

Grant again felt his jaw drop open. "Bucky is not a commodity!" Even Steve was startled by that and he blinked down at Grant. "No one should be offering him to anyone. He's his own person. He gets to make his own decisions. And whatever that decision is, we have to be all right with it."

There was a passion there that Steve hadn't lost, but had still been tempered inside of him through pain and age and understanding of what was acceptable this day and age. Grant didn't have that yet. His passion was still pure and real. "You're right. This is up to Bucky..."

"And now you should probably kiss him. So that we can be even," Grant continued. "Because that's what's fare." He frowned a little at himself. "But only if he wants. And he probably does. And that's okay. I can go back to my room."

And whoops. There went the other Rogers' selflessness.

"Stop it."

Bucky watched them interact with one another, these strange blends of hurt and affection and selflessness, and it drove him mad. His voice, unusual for him where it was often quiet and neutral now, was a harsh snap. It softened slightly after that, but remained firm and unyielding.

"You're right, I'm not a commodity, and I don't need either one of you making the decision for me that the other Steve is better for me. I don't know how I feel about you, either of you, but why the hell are you trying to limit me? Why do I have to choose?"

He doesn't mean tonight, he means ever.

"Why can't I want to kiss both of you? Why can't you both understand that you don't have to be 'alright with my decision', because I don't want to make one. I want both of you, I want both of you in every way that I can figure out that I want you, because I'm done losing out on anything good."

Grant was beat red from the tops of his ears straight down to where the tshirt curved low against his collar bone. "I... Buck. Uh. That's a little inappropriate," he swallowed. The comment was sexually charged and there was no way for him to skirt around it. "We could get in so much trouble and I--"

"It's legal," Steve broke in from behind a finger planted under his nose. He couldn't stop the heat creeping up his back but his face was thoroughly schooled. "Homosexuality is legal. Men are able to marry men. What you want.. What we both want? No one will judge either of us for it. Not anymore."

Grant knew that Steve wasn't lying. It served little purpose for him to do that. He just couldn't stop the tomato peel blush happening all over his face right now. "Oh. Uh..."

"Maybe we should just focus on having fun. Like we used to." Grant nodded at Steve's suggestion. Because Bucky's.... Bucky's was going to make things awkward if he kept thinking about them. "I don't want to deny you anything, pal."

The younger man nodded. "Me neither."

"Then don't."

Bucky got to his feet, feeling as if he had to move from the nervous energy under his skin. He probably wasn't explaining all of this very well and, hell, maybe what he was asking of them both was cruel. He didn't know, he just knew it was right in his heart and that's all he had to go on for now.

"I want to be able to explore what's going on with both of you. But I don't want to kiss Grant and have Steve hurt for it, or the other way around. I don't want you to think I'm making some sort of choice between you."

How much clearer could he make it? Well... there was one way. He stooped down all of a sudden and captured Grant's lips in a kiss, short but fierce, and then immediately did the same to Steve. They tasted different, felt different, but they both felt right.

Grant had felt the short, fierce way Bucky kissed before but Steve had not. He was taken mostly by surprise when he saw Bucky steal Grant's breath and then to have the same done to him? Well that was enough to leave the counter slightly dented under the sudden pressure of his hand on it. He wasn't flushed nearly as badly as Grant was, watching them, but he was sure as hell surprised.

The youngest of the trio wet his lips, tasting coffee and Bucky and tried not to groan as Steve reached up to grip the front of Bucky's shirt. He knew how Steve had to be feeling right now. "What about something slower-- and maybe somewhere less. Um. Dentable...?" Grant suggested. There was always the sofa. If Bucky wanted to explore this with both of them, there was plenty of room there for them to hold onto each other.

He was the first to stand and Steve took that as a cue to let him pull Bucky in for a sweeter kiss first. Less grit. More the way he had always imagined it. That time, he licked his lips too, gazing up at Bucky as if he had just become his entire world agsin. It was the look Grant so often gave him.

"Uh... Yeah. Sure. I'd like that. Bucky?"

To be looked at like that was amazing when it came from either one of them, because he knew that both accepted who he was now. A fractured, broken, shell of a man who had a hell of a lot of issues, and yet they both looked at him as if he were something precious to be protected. And not because he was a valuable asset, but because he meant something to them as a person.

He smiled just slightly when Steve let him go, the quirk at his lips making him look almost like the cheeky guy who used to flirt with half a dozen girls and have them all swooning after him without any effort at all.

"Yeah, okay."

He let them take him to the couch, sliding in between them so that he had Grant on one side and Steve on the other.

"I don't know if this means I want this, or feel the way you do. But I know when I kiss both of you, it feels like I'm home."

Grant slipped an arm around Bucky's middle. He wasn't sure about openly cuddling with another man, especially in front of someone else, but it felt good to be pressed up against him. He felt an arm move down around him too. That meant that he was wanted. And Bucky felt safe so be holding him. "Home is a good way to put it," he said.

"I feel the same way too," Steve agreed. "Like its a piece of me that's been missing. Can I...?" Evidently men asked now when they wanted to be kissed instead of just sweeping someone up in their arms. Grant liked that. It was more equalizing. It had to be wanted by both people that way and whoever was being kissed didn't feel obligated to carry on with it.

Grant gave Bucky a little ribbing, happy for the moment just to feel that his best friend was happy... And happy too to see Steve finally light up. He didn't look so down and out anymore, like someone was peeling off his skin from the inside little by little and letting him heal up between.

Steve took the lead. Bucky might have more practice with women, but Steve knew what he wanted. And the way he kissed Bucky was not as sweet as when Grant did it. It was a little more needy and s little more bent on nostalgia.

Steve kissed with a guiding force. The commanding officer of kisses, maybe. It was long. And it was hot. And it was yielding if Bucky needed it to stop. Even Grant was transfixed by it. "Wow."

Some people might have felt strange being in the middle of two people about to start experimenting with kissing them. Even in this enlightened age, where men could be with men, having a threesome and discussing a potentially polygamous relationship was pretty taboo. So for three men from the thirties and forties, two of which were technically the same person, this was a whole new ball park.

But Bucky didn't feel strange, he felt safe. That was his benchmark now, if something felt safe then he didn't question if it was right or wrong, he just allowed it because so few things made him feel that way.

A stirring of desire rippled through him as Steve kissed him, and slowly his arms came up to wind around his neck, metal fingers threading into his hair, to pull him close so that he could taste him all the better. Only when he needed to break free for breath did he move, shifting to tug Grant almost onto his lap so that he could give that same type of kiss right on. No more sweet and short and tentative kisses, this one was just as passionate.

How could he have doubted that he wanted this? Wanted them?

Maybe it was strange and maybe it was taboo but if Bucky felt safe than both Steve and Grant were willing to do anything it took to give him that safe harbor. Grant laughed as he was tugged into Bucky's lap, right up until he felt a tongue in his mouth. That left his nerves singing pleasantly. Steve helped to hold Grant up and leaned in to nibble Bucky's earlobe.

Making out on the sofa after a night of cards and beer and pizza was so very normal. Despite who the participants were. Both Steve and Grant felt equal here. It was hard to be jealous when neither was left out and both were enjoying themselves to their fullest.

It wouldn't go further than that for the night, however. Grant was still a gentleman and Steve understood boundaries. The youngest of the three laid his head back on Steve's shoulder as Steve stroked his hand through Bucky's hair and murmured softly against his lips that he didn't want to go.

"Don't go then," Grant offered. "My bed is big enough for everyone. And two more people," he grinned, feeling a bit like a floozy the way he was lounged against the two other men.

"Hm. That okay with you, Buck?"

"You can stay here, but there are enough rooms to make up another bedroom."

Bucky wanted to keep them both close, but it had been working well that he had his own bedroom, it allowed him to keep his nightmares somewhat more contained. He had woken up sweating and shaking more than once, but he had kept quiet enough that it hadn't disturbed Grant. More than that, he knew that he couldn't just hurt the other man in his sleep as he had done before.

He didn't want to rush into this, he didn't want to wake up the following morning and feel filthy as he had back when the Soviets had used him.

"But yeah-- yeah, you can stay here for good."

Steve smiled, bright and brilliant, before he heaved himself to his feet and gestured to Grant. "I'll go ask Tony for another bed, and-- hey, Grant, can I have a word with you?"

Sleepy enough to be a little bummed out by not having Bucky sleep next to him, Grant nodded and followed Steve towards the patio. They never seemed to bother with the actual front door of this building. It was easier to just come and go through the sliding doors in the living room.

Past and present stood gazing at one another with messy hair and too pink lips. Grant was already over his slight pout about the sleeping arrangements, understanding why Bucky needed his space.

He was still wearing that cast after all.

"Do you want my room? You're a lot uh... Longer. I can sleep comfortably on the sofa until then. With room to spare." And it smelled like Bucky.

"No, Tony has so many beds and robots that I'll have one over here in no time, you don't have to give up your room."

Honestly, Steve felt as though he were walking on air. Some of the others might not be too happy that their leader was moving to a building that they weren't currently allowed to access, but he'd have to find a way to work around that because there was no way he was about to pass up this opportunity.

He reached out and clapped Grant on the shoulder.

"However this turns out, I know we can both agree that as long as Bucky is happy, then it's for the best."

It wasn't like he didn't know that Steve was strong. He spent the better part of an hour cuddled against his chest so that they both had access to Bucky's mouth. The hand on his shoulder, though, spoke more of context of character and the ability to control his strength than the actual strength of that hand.

Grant found himself smiling through his sleepiness, nodding. "I really would do anything to keep him happy and to help him. Know you would too, pal." Was that all Steve wanted to talk to him about? As long as they were on the same page here, as long as they didn't hurt one another (too badly), it would work out.

It had to for Bucky's sake.

The idea of robots dragging furniture over did do wonders to keep Grant's eyelids from slipping too far down to his cheeks. The future was always full of surprises.

That was all he wanted to say. He knew that they were on the same page, but this sort of exploration might well lead to one or both of them getting hurt, and he didn't want that. He liked Grant, was that an egotistical thing to think? Was it normal to like yourself? Well, he did, all the same, and he didn't want either of them to end this crushed.

He nodded and stepped away outside the patio doors to jog over to the main compound and go in search of Tony. It was a little weird that Tony had decided to stay so often, he usually only popped in for a few days here or there to tease him or to bother Bruce, and then disappeared back to his tower and his girlfriend.

But he'd been here since Grant and Bucky arrived, even a little before that, and showed no sign of going away.

Steve wore his emotions on his sleeve, and he had no idea that right now he was grinning like a lovesick schoolboy with slightly swollen lips and a flush to his cheeks.

"Tony? Hey-- Tony, I need to ask a favour."

Tony had things to do at the compound. He had repairs to make that he was putting off and he was spending time with Bruce trying to find a way to find where the HYDRA base of operations was to shut down any more attempts to muck with alternate realties. It wasn't just because he found the younger Steve Rogers to be so fascinating. Not entirely.

Having been shut out of poker night despite the dip, Tony had gone to pout at the window facing Building 7, which just so happened to be Steve's room. He'd ended up staying there all evening as poker turned to some sort of argument and then... Well. He wished he'd brought popcorn.

So when Steve called out to him, the idiot faster than ever jogging back to the main building, Tony had to scramble to make it look like he wasn't coming out of Steve's room. Especially because he had been rooting for the two Steve's to kiss by the patio window where he could see.

Alas.

"No you can't have the recipe to the dip because you're mean and I still feel very left out."

Tony would be waiting a long time if he wanted the two Steve's to kiss. Kissing Bucky was one thing, but Steve would find kissing himself to be some strange line between incest and masturbation, and he wasn't really interested in going down that route. His affections were for his best friend, just as, he was sure, Grant's were.

"I told you, Tony, Bucky is still not ready for you. I mean-- for anyone."

No, he means mostly Tony. He was fairly sure that most of the other Avengers could be trusted to behave and treat Buck with respect and with kindness, Tony just didn't have that in him. He was too irreverent and too selfish, he'd never remember to keep it up and he might end up hurting someone, or getting hurt.

"But it's a bed I want, for building seven, I'm going to stay there for a while and help out in Bucky's rehabilitation."

There was so much to say and to ask here, so much to puzzle out of tease but the moment Tony did so, the soon to be trip over in 7 would figure out how to shut the blinds and Tony wanted more opportunity to peep. Was it wrong? Sure. But so was the majority of stuff he did any more. He might have some good reasons but good reasons did not always made the world understand putting yourself out on a limb and maybe rewarding yourself with some voyeurism.

He stuck out his hip and glanced back towards Steve's room. "Are we just moving the entire thing?"

He was probably being a little too good about it, so he followed that up with a less conspicuous turn to make everything about himself.

"And did he mention me? Lil Steve. I tried to rescue him today. Not that he needed it, but the thought was there and come on, I would be such a good guest. And I know Banner has been dying to make sure kid you's arm is okay." Bannet was not dying for anything, literally. In fact, he had fallen asleep in Tony's lab with his feet up and a documentary on dinosaurs on.

"No, he didn't, and it's been decided that he's going to go by Grant now. It's easier to remember than two Steves."

It brought a smile to his lips to remember how they had made the suggestion at the same time, no ego over which of them would be called which. In a way, he thought Grant had a good deal out of it, it was a return of the use of Bucky's middle name for so many years that he'd lost count.

It was a relief that Tony wasn't arguing with him on this. He could easily have been difficult, and for once it seemed like things would be okay.

"Yeah-- I mean, I think Bucky is okay with me stopping over, and I'd like to be close by in case he needs me. I'll still have my cell on me and I'll come over each day to discuss Avengers' business."

"You'll come back every day?" Tony just wanted to make sure that he heard that right. It was interesting, how that was put. "So you and Grant and your pal Bucky are mostly just going to Three's Company it? Sam's not gonna be too happy about that." Tony was blind in a lot of ways but Strve was just dumb if he didn't notice the way Sam was with him. He played aloof but there was nothing aloof about the way Sam looked at their Cap.

Tony was aware that this whole relationship thing with Bucky was probably new and exciting and twisted given Grant's injection into the mix but work came before pleasure. Pepper didn't like it but she understood that Tony needed to keep his eyes on the prize. And he needed to invent. And make the world s better place. Shower sex didn't really do that the way the power armor did.

"I mean. Your choice and all. I'm thinking about retiring. I have some projects on the back burner I want to get to as soon as he stop HYDRA. I csnt just hang out here waiting for a poker invite. Let me some of the Legion together to move your stuff."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject