What did he have to lose indeed? Her question, so pertinently and bluntly asked, almost seemed funny to him. What did he have to lose? Had he not already lost everything of worth, even his own identity? He could not further lose what had never been his to begin with.
The absurdity of the whole situation hit him with those words and he began to laugh. A broken chuckle that became full hollow laughter, brittle and bitter and utterly without humour. This must be some cosmic jest with his life as the eternal punchline, to keep giving him hope and then forcing him to destroy it with his own hands.
"Very well, you are correct." His laughter petered off, though his smile was almost a snarl. "I have nothing left to lose."
Loki should sit. He could see that he intimidated her with his height and obvious distress, but he could not. He was too full of a restless and desperate energy that refused to be curbed. It spilled out of him in messy waves, it pushed his feet to pacing and his hands to twitching at his sides. No matter what he had said, even with nothing to lose, to speak of these things still felt like exposing a raw nerve.
So he chose to do it in the easiest way he knew how, as if telling a story about another person. Hiding the worst of it, minimising the damage to himself. "There were two princes of Asgard who were raised to believe the throne was their birthright. One was golden, brilliant, beloved by all, but arrogant and foolish. The other was-- not the first, and that was the only crime needed to make him the failure. His efforts turned to prove himself equal were doomed and came to naught, for how could he ever measure up to--"
Loki cut himself off for a moment as his voice began to tremble in anger, his knuckles white as his hands clenched into fists at his side. He exhaled deeply and continued in a calmer sort of voice, the same calm that might be seen on a smooth river with a dangerous tide waiting beneath.
"Even though the second prince did what was best for the realm and her people, he was still found wanting. His actions deemed a crime, his efforts--" No, Loki. "--insufficient. Until the day the King and his chosen heir threw the younger prince into an abyss to die." A lie, but he could not bear to say that he had let go. He could not touch the emotion of that moment, it burned to recollect. "But he did not die, he survived... somehow... He found himself upon another realm."
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The absurdity of the whole situation hit him with those words and he began to laugh. A broken chuckle that became full hollow laughter, brittle and bitter and utterly without humour. This must be some cosmic jest with his life as the eternal punchline, to keep giving him hope and then forcing him to destroy it with his own hands.
"Very well, you are correct." His laughter petered off, though his smile was almost a snarl. "I have nothing left to lose."
Loki should sit. He could see that he intimidated her with his height and obvious distress, but he could not. He was too full of a restless and desperate energy that refused to be curbed. It spilled out of him in messy waves, it pushed his feet to pacing and his hands to twitching at his sides. No matter what he had said, even with nothing to lose, to speak of these things still felt like exposing a raw nerve.
So he chose to do it in the easiest way he knew how, as if telling a story about another person. Hiding the worst of it, minimising the damage to himself. "There were two princes of Asgard who were raised to believe the throne was their birthright. One was golden, brilliant, beloved by all, but arrogant and foolish. The other was-- not the first, and that was the only crime needed to make him the failure. His efforts turned to prove himself equal were doomed and came to naught, for how could he ever measure up to--"
Loki cut himself off for a moment as his voice began to tremble in anger, his knuckles white as his hands clenched into fists at his side. He exhaled deeply and continued in a calmer sort of voice, the same calm that might be seen on a smooth river with a dangerous tide waiting beneath.
"Even though the second prince did what was best for the realm and her people, he was still found wanting. His actions deemed a crime, his efforts--" No, Loki. "--insufficient. Until the day the King and his chosen heir threw the younger prince into an abyss to die." A lie, but he could not bear to say that he had let go. He could not touch the emotion of that moment, it burned to recollect. "But he did not die, he survived... somehow... He found himself upon another realm."